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Saturday, April 29, 2006

    if it isn't love.....

i was just informed i'm a pain in the ass.
like i care.
i know if that motherfucker comes back here without my strawberry shake, it's gon' be a misunderstandin'.

i am kind of a pain in the ass though.
so without further ado, some of the pain in the ass and weird stuff i do:

  • when people are explaining stuff to me, i do this weird nose & mouth squint. it looks like i'm trying to tell the person talking s/he stinks or something, but really i'm trying to let things marinate. i'm a little slow.

  • i can't do the doo if there aren't any babywipes. i don't feel so fresh and so clean clean when i use tissue to wipe my booty. i've actually gone to wal*mart at 2am just for some freakin baby wipes so i could take a shit. that's probably the one thing i've never made J do. get babywipes so i can shit.

  • i cannot pee in public restrooms. i'd rather piss on myself than use a public restroom. almost every single speeding ticket i've gotten is a result of me trying to make it home in record time to pee. see, this one time my family and i were at the zoo. i had to pee really bad. because there was so many of us, i had to wait for my mom and aunt to make sure all the kids were together and whatnot. so we get to the restroom and there's shit splattered all over the walls. i mean everywhere. it was one of the most disgusting things i'd ever seen in my little 5 years of life and so threw up. right there. all over my winnie the pooh shirt and ugly ass tan knickerbockers.

  • i have to vacuum before i go to sleep. i don't really know how that started but i've been doing it for the past 5 or so years. and the lines all have to go in the same direction or i will throw something at someone. they all have to go in ONE direction or baby jesus weeps. the only time i don't do it is when i'm really tired after sex or the sex was so good i don't wanna move anymore.

  • when i wash dishes by hand, which is pretty rare, but nonetheless, i never put more than 5 dishes in the sink at once and i have to go in a certain order. utensils, mugs, glasses, glass plates, glass bowls, ceramic plates, ceramic bowls, plastic bowls, pots, and pans. if for some reason the order gets out of whack [because someone waits until i start doing the damn dishes to start fucking 'em up again] i have to let all the dirty water out and restart the order of what's left. and this is why i don't wash dishes that often. it's so fucking time consuming.

  • after showering, i douse myself with baby powder. original type. and it's gotta be Johnson & Johnson's. none of that off-brand shit. then i apply that bedtime lotion. the one with lavender. i just love the smell of lavender. but oh, i'm not done yet. for the feet, gobs of vaseline. yep, from that big ass country-lookin jar. this is tricky cause i always forget to bring socks in the bathroom with me so i risk busting my ass if i move too fast. oh, it's been done and it ain't pretty. i've got other uses for the vaseline too. not that you kinky bitch. for the rest of the body, i use the baby oil gel. again with lavender. it MUST be lavender. i cannot tell you how many times i've had to cuss J out for walking up in here with that chamomile shit. oh, and i don't use the drippy stuff cause there's just no way of getting around the busting of the ass part. it seems a bit excessive but that's not even the whole routine. it's the NIGHT routine. the daytime routine is a bit different and the facial part is straight up on some other shit. say what you want but my skin is oh-so-soft.

  • more on the vaseline: that's the first thing i put on my lips before applying any kind of gloss. it keeps the colored gloss from staining my lips and it keeps the luscious moisturized. i do not leave home without that big ass jar of vaseline which is why i have all those big ass purses J likes to complain about. i could hide a small baby in those things.

  • reese's must be in the freezer for at least 30 minutes before i'll eat them. i don't know why. they just taste better that way.

  • when i wear sweats or pajama bottoms, i always have the left side pulled below my hip bone. i'm not really sure why. i guess i just like exposing part of my ass and underoos. it's so sexy.

i think i was supposed to be studying or something.
yeah. on a saturday night.


    isn't that special

i s'pose i should elaborate a little more on that last post now.

the condensed version:
thursday night, we went to a party.
lots of drinking. and i do mean LOTS.
J and i separated for a while.
he stayed with his little bunch of friends and i went to mingle with some people, attempting to be not so mean and bitchy.
some girl wanted to fight me cause she thought i stole her boyfriend or somethin. i didn't even know that bitch or her stupid boyfriend or whatever the fuck he is.
i guess she realized she had the wrong person, and that i was more than willing to whoop her ass, so she backed off.
i don't remember much after that but apparently:
some guy i was talking to slipped something in my drink.
dude was probably gonna rape me if no one had told J "some guy is dragging your girlfriend off somewhere."
when J stopped him and asked what was he doing? "oh, you want a piece too?"
yeah, classy.
needless to say, J kicked his ass into his spleen.
cops showed up.
they did nothing because the guy has *connections* with the metro pd[and people wonder why i have no faith in our legal or criminal justice system]

when i wrote that last post, i had just gotten out of the shower and J was gone. since i only remembered up to *almost* getting in a fight with some random girl, i thought he was mad at me for getting drunk and acting stupid. i mean, he never cleans anything except his dirty ass so i thought he was just livid.
when he came in, he was like "You finally woke up" and i was like "You cleaned and you went grocery shopping. Are you mad at me?"

him: *WTF? look* "No, why would I be mad at you?"

me: "I don't know. I figured I must've really pissed you off since you cleaned the entire apartment."

him: "Noooo....How are you feeling?"

me: "Groggy and maybe just a wee bit hungover. I'm never drinking again."

him: *WTF? look* "You have no idea what happened last night, do you?"

me: "Whatchu talkin 'bout Ja_son?"

and then he told me the not-so condensed version.

at first i was shocked.
then i was mad at myself for letting something like happen but J reminded me that shit like that is never anyone's fault except the douches who do the stupid shit.
then i was pissed because even after telling the cops what happened, they didn't do anything about it, but then not so much because i expect that from them.
then came all the "what if's?" i think that's the quickest way to lose one's mind. think of all the possible scenarios that could've happened if one person hadn't been around to save your ass [again].
and finally i just said "fuck it". i'm not doing the victimized routine, i'm just gonna hate and not trust people even more now. that seems to be the only way to keep myself away from shit like last thursday night.
being a hateful, antisocial bitch.


Friday, April 28, 2006


long and eventful night.
so much that i don't even have it in me to write it all.
i'm never drinking alcohol again.
for reals.
we went to bed at 3am.
i woke up an hour ago.
the apartment is spotless and i had absolutely nothing to do with it.
yep, he's pissed.


Thursday, April 27, 2006

    this is a title. be happy.

i've been obscenely tired lately.
since monday afternoon, all i've done is sleep for the most part.
i guess i shouldn't be complaining though.
i deserve that sleep.

J keeps telling me i need to go back to therapy.
it's slowly but surely pissing me off.
i don't wanna hear that shit.
if i do go back, it definitely won't be with that wench.

i'm not gonna be an aunt again.
the little bro's girlfriend chick my little bro knocked up miscarried.
i felt kinda bad at first for obvious reasons but then i was kinda relieved.
he didn't want a kid and she only got pregnant cause she thought he would marry her.
females are straight up ignorant IGNANT!

i need to start studying for finals.
i don't really want to though.
it gets in the way of....everything.
i think we're going out tonight so i'll probably start saturday.
i need friday to recover from all the alcohol i plan on consuming.
and for lots of lazy sex.

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so Bee, brought up the subject of wanting sex and the other person is asleep.
what do you do?

to me, that's a no brainer.
i take the dick.
it ain't like he's gonna tell me "no".
well except for that one time but that's not the point.

same for him.
sure, i may be a little annoyed at being woke up but gimme a minute or two and i'm like "sleep? who needs sleep? i'm getting some dick."
oh yes.

i think if your girl is consistently turning you down for sex, the middle of the night sex, probably the bestest sex of all sex, she's tryna tell you somethin. you might wanna check on that.
if it's the guy, chop his shit off cause he's gettin it from somewhere else and i don't tolerate that shit.

it's early and i'm talking about going all Lorena Bobbit on people.
you'd never guess i got some dee*light*ful morning sex.
yeah, be jealous.


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

    i know all about that

today was nice.
we got to stay in bed all morning and do nothing.
we did have to meet with the shady lawyer and then i went and got some cortisone shots.
J no longer consoles me when i freak out because of the needles.
he just makes fun of me.
he did give me a backrub when we got home so i couldn't rip his dick off for being a jerk.
and now he's gone out with his gay little friends.
i was okay with it until i had to go get my own food.
it only took like 10 minutes but i was really upset.
it's his fault.
if he wouldn't spoil me so much i wouldn't be a big baby about stuff all the time.
i had another funny conversation with my niece with my today.

backstory: yesterday and monday she got a sad face and an N in conduct for talking too much at school so yesterday when i talked to her i told her if she got another one, i wasn't gonna get her anything for her birthday.

C: "Hello?"

Me: "What did I tell you yesterday?"

C: "If I get another 'N' you not gon' get me a birthday present."

Me: "And you did, didn't you?"

C: .......

Me: "Mmmhmm."

C: "My grandma always tellin e'rythang! Why come she can't be quiet sometimes?"

Me: "Don't blame grandma. Grandma didn't make you get an 'N' in conduct."

C: "You not gon' buy me nothin?"

Me: "Nope." [I lied]

C: "Well then, I'mma cry." [For some reason she thinks that if she tells you she's gonna cry, you'll change your mind about whatever she's been denied.]

Me: "I don't care."

C: "I'm finna cry."

Me: "Go ahead."

C: "Tia? You for real? You not gon' buy me nothin?"

Me: "Nope. No birthday present."

C: "I don't care. My Uncle J gon' buy me a birthday present."

Me: "No, he's not cause I'm gonna tell him you were bad at school and bad girls don't get birthday presents."

she hung up.

why am I always the bad tia?
oh well.
so i was taking the designated period poo and i started thinking [cause the best thoughts come when you're taking a shit] 'is Richard Simmons a hermie?'
i mean, think about it.
he wears those itty bitty shorts all the time and never once has his balls wanted to play peek-a-boo.
he may semi-look-a-like-a man, but that bitch has got a giney.
i need a nap.

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006


"are you tired?"

"yeah...long day."

"go to sleep."

"no, i just wanna lay here and hold you."

i am SO having his babies.

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    and water was glistenin' all over yo' booooody

i'm so tired.
and i shouldn't be cause i've slept most of the day.
yay for aunt flo.
tonight is my hunny's last night going to that stupid 6-9 class.
i think he's taking the final in that class tonight as well.
he'll ace it.
he so smaht.
now why did i register for a 6-9 class in the fall?
cause i'm stupid.
oh no's, it wasn't my stupidity this time.
i really need that class and my only other option was to take it on a monday which i am so NOT doing.
never will i ever have monday-wednesday classes again.
i'm so awesome.
thank you's to the folks who left me nice comments.
i cried a little.
it's the period, i promise.
i have like absolutely no motivation to comment back.
i loverz y'all.
i'm just lazy.
my titties hurt.
and i want some tater tots.
yeah, that's it.


Sunday, April 23, 2006

    it's times like these

i'm so lucky to have him.
he's the best thing to ever happen to me.
the way he says "i love you" when we're laying in bed late at night....
the way i fit perfectly in his arms at any given moment....
the way he holds me tight when i'm crying....
i wouldn't trade it for anything.
at times, the concept of it is almost hard to grasp
being able to tell him anything
not being afraid of what he'll think of me
it feels so comfortable and broken in.
it's so wonderful to be loved even with all these imperfections.

this is the moment i want to be stuck in.

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    long weekend

went out friday night WITHOUT J. i think i talked to him once the entire time i was gone and that was only for like 30 seconds. i'm so proud of myself.

spent half of saturday in the boro for MTPA. J was really pissed about missing the playoff games so everytime someone came over to talk to me, right in the middle of the conversation he would grab my face [keep in mind i was talking to "professionals"] and say "i'm gon' slap you in the face wit mah dingaling!" so, of course the old farts would look at us funny and leave.
then, i'd smack the shit out of him and he'd be like "what? it's not like i'm ever gonna see them again."
yeah, he did that shit for 5 hours.

after that was over we went to the M-town. his aunt invited us to their little family barbecue thingy. it was nice. J's old pervy uncle tried to feel me up like he always does. he likes that dark meat. J's brother, the other J, brought his girlfriend with him. i'm not a big fan of hers. she's stupid. she feels like she has to compete with me for their family's *affection*. it's really annoying. i'm like "you dumb bitch, i've known these douches since i was 7. get the fuck over it." i ended up punching her in the face later on that day. if she wasn't so annoying i wouldn't have had to do it. but she is, so i did. she is so NOT invited to our wedding.

saturday night.....did some unholy things in that pool and jacuzzi. water really isn't that a great of lubricant.

sunday got up early to have breakfast with my mommy. i told her she should start smoking reefer to help with the flares. she just gave me the evil eye. after breakfast, J and i hung around the place but she told us we had to get our horny asses out of her house. and we weren't even humping each other. okay, i dry humped his leg once but he has really nice legs. i loverz them.
i wanted to see my niece just to hear whatever nonsense would come out of her mouth but she was too busy for me. if i'd told her we bought her something, she would've cried until my brother brought her over. she's gonna be just like me when she grows up.

i think this week is gonna be pretty chill and we're gonna study for finals this coming up weekend. during finals in the fall, i tend to *disappear* from this scene but during the spring, it's not so stressful. i think it's the weather. everyone takes on the "fuck it" attitude and the profs aren't so demanding. it's nice. i need as little stress as possible right now.

i'm obscenely horny and i'm on my period.

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Friday, April 21, 2006


i got a 96 on the practical today.
i'm so awesome it hurts.

i've decided J has entirely too much control in this relationship.
i'm taking it back.
i've been aware of the little power shift for a while but after him telling me i'm not going to a show because he's not going and he's not letting me go if he doesn't go, shit's gotta change.
that motherfucker must be out of his rabid assed mind.
telling me where i can and cannot go.
he actually won that one just cause i'm not gonna go that far away for 3 days without him.
ugh i highly dislike him sometimes.
i s'pose it's my fault though.
i focus so much on making him happy and doing what he wants that i forget it's okay to do stuff for and by myself.
but i don't wanna.
i'm so fucking retarded.


Thursday, April 20, 2006

    i don't heart huckabees

long ass day.
but felt a lot better than yesterday.
a lot better.
i suppose i should wake the boy up in the middle of the night to talk more often.
it seems to be the only time i make sense when i'm venting.

i talked about my past drug problem and current eating disorder in class today.
i was surprised at how interested people were, or seemed.
"i don't need a fucking psychology textbook. i am one."
that made the folks giggle.
usually those snobby bitches are so consumed with themselves to care about what anyone says.
one girl came up to me after class and thanked me for "being so open and sharing [my] experience".
bitch, you want open? try paris hilton's vagina.
i keeps it real.

i had to play trophy wifey for some business crap for J tonight.
i hope i don't have to do anymore of that shit.
i've never been surrounded by that many boring ass white people in my life.
i just knew ben stein's fugly ass was gonna jump out from behind the podium, and in that oh-so-annoying monotone voice say, "clear eyes. wow."
the only thing that kept me from breaking the fuck out was the fact that my man looked and smelled way too fucking good and i just couldn't leave all the fine-ness by himself.
he makes my pannies wet.
i'm so making him go to the MTPA with me this weekend though.
he shall hate every minute of it.

test tomorrow.
i know enough to pull a B so i'm happy with that.
i don't want a B though.
i want a fucking A.
but i got some bones to jump and studying interferes with my dick-riding time.
why can't this be another test where i get to use his body to study?
that's way more fun.

to the batcave.

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006


he makes me severely dislike him. he's supposed to be the one who knows and understands me better than anyone else but when i express my feelings and thoughts about something really important to me, and should be important to him, he writes me off and says i'm being melodramatic. i really hate being called that. i wasn't mad at him though. my feelings were just really hurt and there was nothing he could do to make me feel better.

i usually wake up early to make sure he's awake and gets ready and off to class on time. i didn't this morning though. i was still a little hurt from him not hearing me out so i made him get his own shit together for once. he wasn't too happy about that. i didn't really care though. i don't like him right now.

i didn't go to class again. i didn't really feel like it. i stayed in bed all day sleeping. i went out once to walk the dog. then i stared in the mirror for an hour. i look am so disgusting. i went to that stupid session. i'm not going back again. i'm fucking done. i went to her for help with a fucking eating disorder and she's talking about stupid borderline personality disorder and putting me back on antidepressants. that bitch can choke on it and die a dozen times.

i wanna be alone for a while.

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

    early-onset senioritis

went to campus early to help out with research. fun-ness. no seriously. i hate the papercuts but the rest is all to the goody.

went to the lab to study a bit for the upcoming practical. i gotta get at least a 94 on it to get an A overall. this was the one i was gonna NOT study for but due to some bastard in my group not doing his part on the lab report and costing me 20% of that assignment, i gotta ace the final. bitch better be lucky i don't know where he lives.

skipped the classes to come back home to lay out and watch half-nekkid boys run around with a football. J and the neighbor threw some burgers and wieners on the grill. i should've done it myself cause that shit was nasty as horse piss. not that i know what horse piss tastes like, but if i did, i'm sure that's the way it would taste.

i thought i was gonna hafta whoop some ass cause i thought one of those fuckers ate my sour gummy worms but then i remembered i hid 'em in my bag.

after the dumb frat boys left, the sweaty cave man and i had a nice loooong showah. i gotta figure out how to make that towel rack a wee bit more sturdy.

i don't really like his friends but i enjoyed spending the day, a freakin TUESDAY, with him. after a nice little nap, that bitch left me though. stupid night class.

ugh. i'm gonna be alone for the next 3-3.5 hours. who's fucking idea was it for him to take that stupid class at night? bitch knows i got dependency issues. [insert all kinds of profanity here]. i should've went to the studio.

ooh, we've registered for summer and fall classes. he's taking 15 hours and i'm taking 13. after he's done with that he'll be back on track to graduate next spring. and i'll be set for this fall. yay for us.

i'm gonna start my own band. it's gonna be called "me and those really cute guys that play their instruments". i can't sing that well but i'm sure we can go triple plat with just my booty shakin and doing my oh-so-famous lip pout. plus all the money is made from touring. who wouldn't pay to see me shake my ass and pout? yes you would.

i think i'm gonna hafta hit up kroger for some kool-aid and easy-mac before american idol comes on.
oh yes.

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Monday, April 17, 2006

    i like mondays

more than tuesdays.
but not that much more.

my hunny bunny had a big test today so i got up earlier than usual to make him breakfast. there may have been a blow job for good luck somewhere in there. i'm like the bestest girlfrance ever. for seriousness.

after he left i pranced around in my underoos trying to figure out what to wear. i tell ya, it really is a process. i have to get a feel for what kind of mood i'm in, how stable i think it's gonna be, how much walking i'm gonna be doing, what i'm doing once classes are over. it's complicated man.

i ended up going with the hooters shirt and denim skirt. the hooters shirt is just cute as hell and the skirt was for easy access. *nudge nudge, wink wink*

got to campus a little bit before 9 so i could see J when he got done with his test. he stayed after to get it graded cause baby jesus would weep if he didn't know what he got right then and there. aaaaaand he got an A! my hunny bunny's so smart. he wasn't too happy with what i was wearing though. when he saw me he gave me the evil eye.
"you don't think that skirt is a little short?"

"what are you talking about? i wear this all the time and you never complain."

"yeah, cause you put it on, we fuck and then you put on something else."

"we can still fuck i'm just not gonna go back home and change. besides, i have boyshorts on under it. it's not like i'm showing the world my goodies."

"whatever. i'm not arguing with you today."

"psh. whatever."

so, he walked me to my class or whatever and that big bitch wouldn't give me no kisses when he left. i was really distraught by that. i deserve those kisses. i got up at 6am to make a freakin omelette for his punk ass.

anyhoos, when that class was over, he was waiting for me. i think he just didn't want me to walk by myself wearing that skirt and having guys ogle at me. we ended up going to a spot on campus for lunch. i wanted a grilled ham and cheese sammich but the dude that makes it the way i like it wasn't there so i just got some yogurt and a water. J gave me the evil eye for that too. he may not have liked what i was wearing but that didn't stop his little hands from roaming up my skirt. jerkass.

after lunch we parted ways for our next class and then met up again at my session. yeah, he's all involved and shit now. i don't like it but it's probably not as bad as i like to believe it is. we did a version of the world of feelings. instead of it being about relationship problems, it was directed at the whole bulimia thing. i was highly annoyed by that lady constantly telling J what a good job he was doing. i wanted her to burst into flames and watch her flesh melt slowly off her bones. have i ever mentioned how much i hate her?

after an hour and 15 minutes of that bullshit, we came home to the pisshappy doggie. while we were walking her, we saw a couple playing with their little girl. she had to be like one or two. she had the cutest little pigtails with little ribbons on them. she was eating a grape(?) popsicle so she had this little purple ring around her mouth and stains all over her cute little hello kitty shirt. i slapped J in the arm and whined "I want one of those! Why can't we have one now?"

that bitch just laughed at me, "cause you'll change your mind tomorrow. kthanksbye." and walked ahead with maya. he could've just said "cause you'll change your mind tomorrow". he didn't have to steal my phrase. stank ass lil boy.

we stopped by the neighbor's to catch up since he went home for the weekend and stuff. he told us he got unbelievably drunk and he's swearing off alcohol for the rest of his life and then gave us all the liquor and beer he had. he'll be up here rummaging through the cabinets trying to reclaim that shit by thursday.

i thought J was over the whole short skirt thing but when we came back in the apartment, that boy bent me over, smacked my ass, and apparently i said i wouldn't wear it out again.

he owns me my hoo-hoo.

after a long semi-eventful day, we snuggled up on the couch and watched prison break and 24. i just made him go to DQ to get me a strawberry shake. it's my latest must-have or i will throw a tantrum.

i'm special like that.

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Sunday, April 16, 2006

    give anything but i won't give up

after feeling unbelievably overwhelmed with everything going on, i finally broke down and let it all out. as much as i hate showing weakness, it felt great. not the whole unloading part but just knowing i could break down like that and he'd understand me. he said he knew something was wrong but he figured i'd tell him when i was ready. and then i smacked him upside his head. why the fuck does he do that? bitch knows i got problems.
he said he's actually feeling a lot better about things with his mom....not so much with his dad and that i shouldn't be worried about that stuff.
me? not worry? yeah, right.

he went to the M with me today. it was nice. i really don't think i could've been there alone.
i know technically i wouldn't have been alone since the whole fucking family was there but you know, i just needed him there with me.

i admit i went there expecting the worse but surprisingly my mom wasn't that bad. she wasn't quite as active but she was cussing everyone out for running through her kitchen. so she was still my Mama V. we talked for a bit and she said the azasan has been working fine so she was feeling like herself again so i didn't need to worry about her.
uh huh.

i felt kinda bad about J's family not being together. he said it didn't really bother him but he's a little liar. his family has never been apart like they are now so i know it bothers him more than he wants anyone to think it does. but what can i do?

my sister and nephew and that thing that might be her husband or something flew up for the weekend. my little fat-fat is getting so big. he wobbles his little ass around destroying everything in his path. he assaulted C too. it was funny as fuck. she went over to pick him up and give him a kiss but he was like "hell to the nah, shawty" and yanked the little girl's hair. and she yelled "TIA! GET THIS LIL BOY OFF ME! WHOOP HIM!"

she got him back during the egg hunt though. every egg he waddled after, she snatched it up. he fixed his little mouth to call her a bitch several times but it never quite came out.

my great aunt told me i'd be adding a new member to the family around this time next year. if she wasn't old and senile i'd probably believe her but she is so i don't. plus J already told me we have to wait at least until december before the baby-making begins.

oh yeah, while we were helping the kiddies count their eggs, the two crackheads almost engaged in fisticuffs over a piece of chicken.

*shakes head*
black people.

i guess Uncle Willie wanted a specific piece of chicken but when he was about to get it, Uncle Charles stuck his fork over and grabbed it from him and said "Yeah, buddy. Got that white meat."

Willie was like "Nigga, you know I was finna get that piece. Give it here!"
Charles: "I ain't givin yo' po' ass shit! Move out my way so I can eat this here food!"
Willie: "That's my chicken! Gimme my chicken! I'mma whoop yo' ass!"

before the beer bottles and cans could start flying, my brother broke it up. he's always ruining shit. we left soon after so there's not telling what happened later.

we had a nice little drive back home. it's amazing that after all this time we can drive for 3 hours and still manage to talk about any and everything the entire time.

maya was so happy to see us J when we got back she pissed all over J's leg. either that or her bladder just couldn't hold it anymore.

once he got all piss-free he carried me off to the bedroom and gave me some sexual healing. i loverz that man.

so now, i'm chill. we've turned our frowns upside down and made the headboard beat up the wall. he's studying and i'm blogging. all is good in the not-so-wonderful world of m33ms and j4y.

for now.

p.s. does that picture freak anyone out when it pops up? it scurred me.


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Saturday, April 15, 2006

    the downward spiral continues

he still takes my breath away.
i fall in love with him more and more everyday.
without him i don't exist.
i'm standing right in front of him screaming for help.
i wish he could hear me.

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    there's a dry booger in my nose

i have a hangover.
not as bad as it could be considering i downed a bottle of valdemar and a fif' of jack by myself.
i need to dye some eggs for the kiddies.
i really don't feel like doing it though.
i don't have any motivation to do anything.
life sucks too much at the moment.
i'm not feeling this weather.
it makes me feel icky.
i'm not feeling the folks who asked for a link to this spot either.
you're already lurking.
i think i'm gonna go home for a few hours tomorrow.
i don't wanna leave J alone but i don't wanna not see my mom either.
i need some candy.
that powdery white stuff.
it'll make me feel better.
oh yes.

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Friday, April 14, 2006

    good friday?

not really.

we were gonna go home for the weekend but probably not now.
J's dad called this morning and they got in a nasty argument about stuff so yeah, home for the weekend isn't really all that appealing.
i did kinda wanna go just to check on my mom and maybe get entertained by the crackheads in my family but i don't know if i can. i can't see my mom sick and not have him there for support. i guess telling him how bad she really is would change his mind but i don't want it to seem like i'm trying to make him feel guilty or add more stress onto what he's already dealing with.

life sucks sometimes most of the time.

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

    the memories don't mean shit

I need some sleep. I think I've gotten maybe four hours every night all week.
It's partially because I've just not been able to fall asleep from thinking too much and also because somebody's been spiking them quesadilla's at taco bell with viagra. Mm hmm.

We sorta had a fight today. It was really stupid. I guess if it had been him instead of me, I'd have been pissed at him so I guess it's not really that stupid. Whatever. We kissed and made up. Yay. The angry sex was definitely on point though. I think that little vein was pulsating to the rhythm I was sucking him off. That's funny. I just giggled.

I need to study for tomorrow's neuro test. I hate that class almost as much as I hate Paris Hilton. I study my ass off for it and I'm lucky if I pull a C. I think the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that it's not really my fault. I have an A in every class except that one.

I've got a ton of paper cuts from all the filing and shit I've been doing for my prof. I'm not complaining though. Besides getting to see my hunny bunny for a few minutes in between classes, that's the only thing I look forward to when I'm at school, research-related stuff.

I think I'm gonna take the GRE some time this summer and apply to some grad programs in the fall. I don't think I'm gonna actually go, I just kinda wanna see where I stand just in case. I don't do well on standardized tests so a PhD/PsyD program probably isn't in the cards anyhow. I could probably get into a nursing program that has a bridging option for non-nursing majors though. I'm doing pretty well in a&p and I don't think I'll have any problem with a&p II or micro and that's pretty much all they look at. This is like senior year of high school all over again.

Mama V is sick. Yay for more stress. I know we don't have the bestest mother/daughter relationship but I really don't know what I'd do if I lost her. Hopefully the immunosuppressants she's taking now will help.
God, I hope they help.
Cross your fingers and toes for me?

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Monday, April 10, 2006

    raging boners and wet gineys.

today's been a rather uneventful day.
nice and sweet, but uneventful.
i guess that's kind of a good thing though.

this morning i woke up with a sore giney. probably because it was getting banged by a hard cock all night. the price i pay for good sex.
so worth it.

got grades back from tests last week.
A on the a&p test.
B on the psych test.
i studied my ass off for that a&p test so i was glad to see it paid off.
the psych test. bleh. the B is pretty good considering i spent all my time studying for a&p and spent maybe 5 minutes looking over my notes for that one.
oh well.

had a session. i think i'm in a resistance phase cause i'm not trying to hear shit that lady's got to say. then again, i'm stubborn as hell anyway so i really can't tell if it's resistance or stubbornness. but i have made some progress. i just really hate that bitch.

J and i spent most of the evening and tonight out on the balcony studying/blowing smoke in the dog's face/listening to muzak/groping each other. i can't believe we've been back together for a year now. it doesn't seem like it's been that long. a lot of you's hoes have gotten to [sorta] witness the madness. feel special.

we were supposed to go out to a fancy schmancy restaurant last night but we ended up going to wendy's instead. i loverz those spicy chicken sammiches. we got a free frosty with 2 spoons. how romantic.
frosties will never be as good as my oreo mcflurries though.
oh how i miss them.

some bitch is trying hack into my haloscan and photobucket accounts. when i find out who it is i'm gon' hunt 'em down and eat their babies and shit on 'em.

i don't care how much people hate celine dion, "first time ever i saw your face" is gonna be my wedding song. and it's gonna be on repeat through the whole reception. i'd like to see some negroes do the electric slide to that shit. but you know what? my family is so fucked i believe they'd actually do it. ugh.

eloping becomes more and more appealing every day.

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

    do you know what today is?

yeah, i'm blogging again.
be happy.

actually, i never really stopped blogging. i just stopped posting what i was writing/typing cause i hate people and i started feeling like i wasn't blogging for me anymore. so i said, "fuck it" and that was that.

before i forget, mucho gracias to the folks who sent emails to check on me during the storms. we're a bit south of where the major damage occurred but we still got a lot of damage from the heavy winds and hail. the hail totally fucked our cars up. J cried a little watching those chunks of ice pelt his purrdy new SUV. it broke his little heart. it was hilarious.

yesterday, we drove up to check on my uncle's place and just to see if the damage in that area was really as bad we thought. seeing really is believing. i think what little bit of faith in God i had left completely vanished after driving through that neighborhood and not seeing a single house intact. we stuck around to help clean up some of the debris and again today. i felt so bad for all those people standing around crying because they'd lost everything. great way to spend your one year anniversary. [insert heavy sigh here]

but enough about that.

what have i been up to? the same old shit really.

  • school is about to kill me. i'm an RA [research assistant] now. i'm loving it but it's stressful.
  • sessions pretty much suck my anus. i only agreed to go to 10 initially but i've extended it for 10 more. yeah, the penis made me do it.
  • i've started dancing again. actually, i don't shake my booty that much, i'm just helping a friend get her studio up and running. i get to yell at bitches when they fuck up so that's a plus. oh and there's this one dude who said he's gay but i think he's lying cause he always asks me to be his partner so he can feel on my booty.
  • my uterus tells me to do evil things like accidentally forget to take my bc pills. i swear the thing has a mind of its own.
  • some old lady tried to whoop my ass with her cane. see, J and i were in the grocery store waiting for our crab legs to get steamed. so we're just standing there making kissy faces at each other and being stupid and i grabbed his junk. and i said "i shall call him squishy and he shall be mine. and he shall be my squishy." and i made kissing noises at squishy. and out of nowhere this old bitch comes poking me with her dirty ass cane. "young lady, that is very inappropriate behavior. get out of here!"and i was thinking 'i should bust yo' old ass upside yo' head for poking me in the arm with that thing'.but i didn't say it. i just rolled my eyes at her and said "whatever." old stinky lady. that's mine. i can grab it whenever i fucking feel like it. bitch.
  • yeah, we still fuck a lot. i gotta get it while the gettin is still good.
  • i think i'm addicted to those reese's w/ caramel. it's almost as good as sex. almost.
  • my niece, kick-ass C, told me i get on her damn nerves cause i make her sing everytime i talk to her so she's not talking to me until i learn my lesson.
  • there's been a little role reversal up in herre. for as long as i can remember J's always been the one keeping me sane. my rock. now, with his mom "on vacation" again, i'm having to be his shoulder to lean on. i'm not used to it. i mean, he's my baby and i wanna be there for him and all that, i just don't know if i'm doing a good job. there are days he's angry at the world and i don't know what to say so i just sit with him and hold his hand or hold him and let him go off about everything. and when i do say something, i don't know if it's the right thing. it's.....i don't know....i'm just not used to it.
  • i've had to retire my purple rain soundtrack. i used to listen to it every morning on my way to school but no more. it doesn't make it past the intro of "Let's Go Crazy" anymore. so now, i like to roll all the windows down and blast DFB. stopping at red lights has never been so entertaining. white people always give me this "stupid nigger" look. i love it. but then that one time i got pulled over it wasn't so fun.
  • we're gonna be spending another summer stuck in this hellhole of a city. no music fests or nothin. as soon as we're done with school, J starts his internship. and after that's over, we start summer sessions. ugh. that's okay. cause in december, i'm graduating and i'm spending a whole month in amsterdam getting blazed with or without him. i'm sure BOB would love to tag along with me. i'd prefer it be with him cause, you know, i don't have to worry about his peen chipping my two front teefasis. *wink*

so yeah, basically same shit, new location.
and did i mention the boy doesn't know about this one? he knows i'm blogging, just not the URL. i had to give him the "respect my privacy" lecture.

oh yes, there will be blood.

or just a whole buncha sex talk.

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