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Tuesday, April 29, 2008


so my husband hates me right now and i'm not handling this shit well AT ALL.

sunday night, his sister came over for dinner and to also take a break from studying for finals and ask bunches of questions about baby stuff. it is really nice to have her want to be so involved and help and do really nice sister-in-law/auntie-to-be things for me.

anyhoos, after we finished dinner, Jess offered to clean the kitchen so i could have a break. that was really sweet of her, but i really didn't want her to do it because i like to clean my way and no matter how well anyone else cleans, i always go behind them and do it all over myself. my way. BUT Jay had been gone most of the weekend for work, and i really needed some cuddle time with him, so i relinquished the power of clean queen to her. [and she actually did a good job except she didn't swiffer the floor the right way and she didn't lysol the sink after she was finished.]

so, Jay was lying on the couch and i was lying on top of him and we were just being all giggly and silly and telling little peanut to expect to be traumatized and dysfunctional because s/he will walk in on mommy and daddy having sex more than once in his/her lifetime because mommy and daddy have a problem controlling their naughty bits and always forget to lock the doors. then all of a sudden, right in my ear he yells, "JESS! WOULD YOU BRING ME A BEE-"

and before he could finish his beer request, i smacked him in his mouth.

really hard.

and he bled.

a lot.

for a really long time.

and he had to go to the ER and get stitches.

i felt really bad because i didn't mean to hurt him, but when someone yells in your ear after you've asked them a million times not to, something unpretty is bound to happen. usually when i smack him, he'll just sit there with his hand over the spot i just hit and look at me and say "are you fucking crazy?" and i'll say "yeah, that's what the doctors tell me" and then we'll laugh about the whole thing.

but, when he realized he was bleeding and that he actually had a really bad cut on the inside of his lip because i'd smacked him so hard, he got really angry and yelled at me. he wouldn't let me touch him or talk to him. and when he couldn't stop the bleeding, he wouldn't let me go to the ER with him. since that whole thing happened, he hasn't said more than 10 words to me nor has he slept in our bed. yesterday, he didn't even call or text me to see how our little peanut was or just to say 'i love you'. and there's about 2 more hours left in his workday and he hasn't called or texted me. my feelings are extremely hurt right now. he's so inconsiderate, yet he finds a way to make the whole thing my fault and it is soooooo not. now i'm all stressed out and my blood pressure is high and this is not good for the baby. i don't even want him to be my baby's daddy anymore cause he's such big bag of douche and i hate that i even married him and changed my last name for him. ugh. why do i put up with his shit?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

    wearing nothin' but socks and kneepads

hi, kids. how you doin?

i'm really enjoying being pregnant-- i officially have a baby bump and no more morning sickness as i'm entering my second trimester-- and my super crazy-awesome husband who likes to run around gliding on the kitchen floor wearing nothin' but socks and kneepads. however, i've been extremely annoyed and easily agitated the past couple of days by other people, but it's not my fault. if people would just leave me alone and not do stupid shit, i wouldn't have to be so mean and bitchy.

WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYYY do people feel it's necessary to touch my belly when they find out i'm pregnant? touching me without my consent pisses me off anyway, but now you're violating my baby which just sends me into angry mama bear mode. and you don't fuck with angry mama bears; that shit is dangerous. i didn't like it when i was pregnant before and i don't like it now. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

yesterday, Jay and i met at the park for lunch. while i was waiting for him, i fed the little birds and those feisty squirrels breadcrumbs. then, this pregnant chick and some other dingbat came and sat beside me. i didn't really pay any attention to them until the pregnant one decided to smoke not one, not two, but THREE goddamn cigarettes in a span of 5 minutes. i know it's not any of my business, but she was polluting my baby's air too, so i screamed "stupid bitch" and threw a handful of breadcrumbs at her. seriously, why would anyone smoke while they're pregnant? is satisfying a nicotine craving really more important than the health and life of your baby? what kind of fuckery is that? ugh.

AND THEN, we have Jay forcing me to be all stepford wifey and go to some stupid event that i know absolutely nothing about to make him look good. i really don't mind going cause i haven't gotten to play dress-up in a while and i kinda like hearing all the office gossip and putting faces to names; but i swear, if one person touches my goddamn belly, i'm taking out that whole fucking venue.

oh yeah, peanut says it's lunchtime.

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Saturday, April 19, 2008

    blogging......my anti-drug.

i slept all day friday so i've been awake since like 3am. it was really great sleep too. i can't remember the last time i drooled like that.

have i mentioned Jay and i are looking to buy a house? well, we are. i've been told it's a buyer's market but i don't see how given some of the asking prices of the houses we've looked at. you can't ask for 7 figures on a house that doesn't even have a pool! the fuck?

there was one house that i was deeply in love with until we actually went to see it. it was beautiful on the outside and inside until we walked into the den. TWELVE deer heads mounted on the wall. yeah, they failed to mention that in the description and i don't recall seeing an antler or 50 in any of those pictures on the website. fuck that shit. i'm not living in a house with remnants of dead animals lingering around trying to steal my soul.

but you know what? baby stuff trumps all that. i love love love my new doctor. he's so damn nice and goes above and beyond what's necessary to make me [and Jay] comfortable with him; it's so refreshing.

all is well with the little peanut. s/he looked like a little alien on the sonogram with his/her little big head. even though i haven't felt anything, i did get to see some little movements from him/her. and we heard the little heartbeat and Jay turned into a girl again. i think sonograms generally take about 10 minutes, but i turned it into nearly an hour long event. i couldn't help myself with those little fingers and toes and that little face.

since the visit, i've tried to listen to peanut's heartbeat with the heart monitor i bought when i was pregnant with Z, but it's not picking up anything. =( i'm still not showing but i'm definitely losing some tone in my abs now. i've gained about 4 pounds since my first visit but i'm pretty sure it all went to my ass. i have another round of prenatal testing at my next appointment, but i don't really care because i'll find out if i'm having a boy or a girl. *happy dance*

oh, snap. mortal kombat is on.


Sunday, April 13, 2008

    what it is

since my first trimester is coming to an end, we're gonna start telling folks i'm knocked up. when we were in planning stages of having another baby, i didn't want to tell anyone when it actually happened because i didn't wanna jinx myself. but i talk a lot and this is HUGE news; i've been itching to tell people since i peed on that stick!

when it comes to telling Jay's parents, i told him he would have to do that by himself. i don't want to be within a 50 mile radius of those people when they find out. they took so much joy out of my first pregnancy and i'm NOT letting them ruin this one. to my surprise, Jay said he's not telling them. he's excited to tell his brother and sister and anyone else, but he wants them to find out from anyone but him so that they know how it feels to be excluded from their own family. i'm a bit conflicted because as much as i dislike those two, i really hate the rift that's formed between Jay and his parents; that whole thing was indirectly caused by me. however, i'm a believer in the ethic of reciprocity; never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself. i'm also very childish............they started it!

on a lighter note, my checkup is this Thursday. Jay's supposed to be flying to Detroit that morning but he thinks he can get someone to go in his place so that he doesn't have to miss it. here's a little secret, if Jay does/did leave, there's no way in hell i would go to the doctor without him. when he told me about the business trip, i was upset but i had every intention of rescheduling the appointment. Jay's an active baby daddy, he wants to be a part of every. single. aspect of this pregnancy. i wouldn't deprive him of the chance to get to listen to his baby's heartbeat for the first time and the excitement he feels when he sees his little baby on the monitor when i'm getting a sonogram. but for now, i'm letting him sweat him out and make him think i'm upset about the possibility that he'll miss all of that and more. =)


in non-pregnancy-related news, my sinus infection is finally starting to clear up which makes me sooo very happy. i can finally sleep without having 10 pillows to keep my head elevated and it doesn't feel like i have a dozen elephants tap-dancing on my head. yays.

friday, i hung out with a few friends for a girls-night out while Jay was out with his friends. fun fun fun. it was really great to be out and social and laugh about boys and how stupid they are, but i also came to realize my friends are pretty stupid. i'm the youngest, i'm the married one and i've been sucking on the same ol' dick for years yet i'm the one with more knowledge about men in general. i don't care who you are, how you look, what you do--- women have the power in any relationship, whether you're serious or just fuckfriends. we have the pussy, we have the power. men THINK they have it but they don't. any woman can get any man she wants with these 2 little things-- (1) recognizing she's the one with the power and (2) confidence.

in the case of fuckfriends, you spot a guy you wanna tap. go to him and tell him "this is what it is: i wanna fuck, you wanna fuck. when i call you, we'll do what we do and that's it. when it's over, get your shit and leave. don't call me to see how i'm doing. i'll call you when i fuck again, if i wanna fuck you again. and hell no, you are not staying the night, that's how feelings get hurt. this is not a negotiation, it's a notification."

now, let me tell you why this works. the man is intrigued by your approach. very direct. none of that passive shit men are used to getting from women. and for him, the arrangement is win-win. he gets to blow a load and it's no strings attached. secondly, it's a challenge. it's an opportunity for him to be the one to break you, tame the beast, if you will. when you're having sex and he asks whose is it? um, not yours. fuck no. spank his ass and make him call you mama. if he's on top, flip his ass on his back and ride him till he can't say his own name. control is the name of the game. wanna play?

serious relationships. Jay and i are the perfect example because he is whipped to the nth degree. in his mind, he is in total control of our entire relationship; he has is woman in check. i let him think all of that is true but here's why it isn't: never have i ever gone out at 2 in the morning to get him an oreo mcflurry. i get what i want, when i want it, how i want it. he might initially say 'no' to something i've asked, but i always get what i want in the end.

why? because i have the pussy. i have the pussy; therefore, i have the power. sex is a weapon. a deadly weapon. we're a very sexually active couple. Jay is used to getting some every day at least twice a day; if i threaten to withhold his supply, you best believe that sumbitch will fall inline quickly. i don't even have to directly threaten him. i won't even let him know i'm mad at him. just wait until he's starts with his little foreplay game. i'll let him get all hot and bothered and let him think he's gonna fuck. that's when i stop him dead in his tracks, 'no sir. not until i get what i want.' *smile* of course, this is all in regards to things not extremely important.

for those issues that are important, it's all about letting him think he has the upper hand but really all i've done is let him say what i've been saying all along, that way he feels like it was all his idea. but that's only if i don't feel like fighting with him. if it's a battle of who'll give in first, i win because, first, i'm stubborn as hell. secondly, if we're fighting so hard about something to the point where i cry, he's gonna give in. guys hate for girls to cry period. also, tears are a sign that his pussy supply is in jeopardy. again, pussy = power. you made me cry, i'm not giving you any until you make it up to me. and makeup sex ends with things going in my favor. that's not to say there haven't been moments where he's used my dick supply to get what he wants, but that's the exception, not the rule.

but seriously, there's a lot of compromise, but pussy automatically gives the woman the upperhand.

i should write a book. or at least start charging people for this shit.

so, new template. cute right?
i don't know it looks in IE, so you'll have to tell me if something needs to be changed.

kthanksbye. =)

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

    unrealistic expectation(s)

it's 7:11am. Jay just left for work. he's gonna be late cause traffic is hella crazy right about now. but he got some really good mornin' nookie so it all evens itself out.
i think i subconsciously make him late almost every morning in hopes that he'll get fired & stay home to entertain me forever & ever.
since i was a kid, i knew he was the man i'd marry and we'd have the cutest babies ever. [not necessarily in that order] seriously, my dream come true.
but you know what? in all those dreams, i never factored in either of us having a job and spending about 10 hours of the day apart leaving us with only evening and weekends to spend time with each other.

i'm going back to bed.

p.s. kansas can suck it.

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Monday, April 07, 2008


  • i'm super duper hungry. Jay's picking up dinner from carraba's [cause we got banned from eating there last week] on his way home from work, so i'm eating sunflower seeds to hold me over until he gets here. it's not really working.
  • i really hate bras. no matter how comfortable you're told the bra is, it never really is comfortable. never.
  • i've come to the conclusion that my kids' mouths are gonna be just as filthy mine. but, you know what? i'm totally fine with that. i tried to stop cussing because Jay asked and it seemed like a good thing to do. but i like the word 'fuck'. i like to call people 'bitches'. and i say 'motherfuck' a lot. i like it. i like it a lot. i'm actually looking forward to the day that i get a phone call from one my kid's teachers because he/she called the teacher a bitch. my response will be, ''bitch, don't call my house being a snitch what the fuck were you doing to my baby to make him/her call you a bitch to begin with?'' cause i'm a role model
  • i watched the power rangers movie earlier today. such a cute, yet atrocious movie. i thought tommy was hot shit back in the day. i hated kimberly cause i knew she was getting a piece of that. i wanted to break billy's glasses and then point and laugh cause i'm evil.
  • i'm really hungry and it's making me angry.
  • the lollapalooza lineup was released this morning. i wanna go sooooo bad, but i'll be about 7 months along by then. i don't think i'll be fit to go. *sad face*
  • i think i'm actually gonna have to buy maternity clothes this time. that makes me sad.
  • i really hate Jay's job for sending him away the day of my next doctor's appointment. and i hate him even more for not telling them he couldn't/wouldn't/didn't want to go.
  • next month marks the 5th year Jay and i have been together. i think it's kind of a milestone for us, but i really don't wanna plan anything because a) it cuts into my napping time and b) we JUST got married; it seems kinda trite.
  • i masturbate a lot now. a LOT. that's probably TMI, but hey, i didn't make you read it.
  • oooh, dodgeball is on. "NOBODY MAKES ME BLEED MY OWN BLOOD!"

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Wednesday, April 02, 2008


i don't really like the weather here. it's rained every day the past 4 or 5 days. that does not make me happy. not at all.

i've been *attempting* to go through all the stuff we got for Z to figure out what exactly we'll need to buy/register to get for new baby because there were some things i gave away/threw away. it's not going so well. i'll get through 2 or 3 items then turn into a big blubbering mess. it's definitely not been as easy as i initially thought it would be. it's already difficult just because it's all this stuff we never even got a chance to use. then, i have all these feelings of guilt about having another baby. i don't really know how to explain it, i just feel guilty. and angry. and sad. and i'm not sure if any of this is normal. or healthy.

Jay's decided he's gonna stay at his job and put off grad school a little while longer. i'm not really sure how i feel about it. i knew he was gonna pick the job over school simply because he took so long to make a decision. now that he has, i don't know if i really like it. i'm a little scared that whole business world is gonna steal his soul......and mine right along with it. i know he loves what he does, but he's also said he feels like the outcast a lot of the time because he's one of the youngest people there in a high-ranked position. [almost] everyone loves him, but there a lot of times where the age-issue causes a lot of heated verbal disputes, even though it's his age that gives him the edge over competitors. idontknow. it's probably just me being worrisome and trying to protect him even though he doesn't need me to do that.

but anyhoos,we're now looking for a new house to buy and he wants us to find something and be moved in by the end of summer, early fall before the baby arrives. ugh. good luck with that, buddy. i actually do wanna move, but i hope he doesn't expect me to be helping pack and move shit at 6 or 7 months pregnant. psh. i'll tell you what to move but i'm not doing a damn thing.

oh, we still haven't told anyone about the baby yet. although i think people are starting to suspect it with my lack of alcohol consumption, constant sleeping, and gross vomiting. BUT the morning sickness is actually getting better. instead of taking my prenatal vitamins in the morning, i take 'em at night before i fall asleep, and that has made all the difference. and i had to make Jay stop wearing that D&G cologne cause it makes me nauseous. that sucks bunches of oats cause i fucking love it when he wears that. he smells so yummy. or at least he used to. peanut obviously doesn't think so.

this is pretty weird but i've been really bummed that it's still so early in my pregnancy. i'm not showing. i don't feel any movement. i haven't heard his/her heartbeat. i don't know if it's a boy or a girl. i don't know nothin'.

i kinda liked the name Rio for a boy since that's the place of this little one's conception, but Jay hates it. he hates everything i pick. i have no idea what kind of color scheme or theme i wanna go with for the nursery. it definitely won't be pink & black for a girl; that i do know. hmmm....maybe a minty green or blue care bear theme? i love the care bears and almost did that for Z, but pink & black just seemed so perfect for her. i'm very apprehensive about getting too involved with planning so soon. i'm so excited about this baby, but i make a conscious effort to contain all the excitement because i'm afraid everything will go to shit the very moment i start relax and just be.


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