my ittle bittles,

although you will always be my baby, you have now become my little girl, my "bid-dirl". feeding yourself, putting on your own clothes [usually backwards or with a limb stuck in the wrong hole], peeing on the potty! where has the time gone??? it seems like yesterday you were this tiny, helpless little baby content with cuddling with me in the rocker for hours. now, you're a walking, talking little maniac!

major milestone this month: potty training. i was almost in denial about this time coming, but it was such an exciting event for all of us. we captured it all on tape and i'm totally gonna embarass you in front of your friends when you're older and get to talkin shit. although you like your potty, you prefer using the "real deal" because you get to flush and watch the peepee and booboo disappear. you haven't quite learned how to hold it when you're asleep, but daddy and i are very, very proud of you and latest accomplishment.

two "bad" words have entered your vocabulary. 'fuck' and 'shit'. i don't care what anyone says, you learned that shit from daddy. ;-)

you've definitely inherited my love for music and dance. you seem to really love lady gaga. whenever you're in one of your moods, i put on something upbeat and you just dance and laugh until you pass out. you also seem to share my love for handbags. you're so cute waddling around with my bags twice your size.

i've been setting you up on playdates so you learn how to interact and share with other kids; you're gonna be a big sister very soon and i want you to be prepared as much as possible. i know adding a new baby to our little family is gonna be a huge adjustment for you; it's gonna be huge for all of us. i just hope you know that i still love you more than there are stars in the galaxy even though i'm not gonna be able to give the same amount of attention when your little sister arrives. but i promise you that you will included as much as possible with this new addition.

oh, my sweet littleface. every time i look at you, i am so thankful to have you in my life. your beaming smile, your infectious laugh, even that pouty face you make when you're upset with me... i can't tell you what that does to me. my love for you grows more and more with each passing moment. sometimes, i get a little emotional watching you grow so fast right before my eyes, but i look forward to and treasure every bit of it.

momma loves ya, kid. and don't you fucking forget it.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:10 AM | |

so we've got another 6 or so weeks [give or take a couple weeks] before the little nugget makes her debut. while this has been by far the easiest pregnancy, i'm becoming more and more fatigued as the days pass. sometimes it's hard to keep up with lits' constant demand for attention. i think on some level she kinda gets that mommy can't do as much running around and playing anymore. if i'm sitting in the big lazyman chair with my feet propped up, she'll come over to rub my belly, lay her head on my shoulder, and cuddle with me. she's so much cuteness in a little package.

i'm glad the holiday season is almost over. i'm so over christmas and buying and wrapping gifts. days just seem so chaotic and rushed even when there's nothing going on.

we've pretty much got everything together for the new baby. we haven't needed to buy much because we already have so much for lits that was either hardly used or still brand new. since, there's no need for us to have a baby shower and everyone keeps asking when we're gonna have one, i've decided to just have a small party to celebrate the pending arrival of kylie nicole. the only gifts we ask for are diapers in various size and wipes. you can never have too many diapers and wipes. we were gonna turn one of the extra rooms into a nursery for kylie, but we're just gonna get lits her own "big girl" bed and see how it works out with having the two babies together in one room. *fingers crossed*

i've had my overnight bag packed since i was 5 months along but i unpack and re-pack it at least three times a week. OCD can be a big bitch sometimes.

oh, yay! pizza's here!
--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:27 PM | |

i'm nervous and anxious and i want this little baby* to get out of my uterus.

for the most part, this pregnancy has been breezy. i've actually enjoyed being pregnant; my only complaint was morning sickness. now, i just don't wanna gain any more weight. i look like a fucking whale.

most of my anxiety comes from worrying about how ava's gonna react to having a new baby in the house and not getting the same amount of attention she's so used to getting. maybe it's all in my head. i just don't want her to start a one-toddler revolution because she has a smelly baby sister. until then.....

potty training is almost completely a success. at first i didn't wanna do it, but Jay and i agreed that if that little squirt could take off her diaper and go squat in a corner and come back and tell us she's wet, she was ready for the potty. at first, the peeing on the floor was cute- "mama, i wet!"- but then it was just gross. after peeing came the pooping and i will clean up baby shit off the floor only once. ONCE, AVA-MARIE!

potty training was really fun though. we went to the store and let her pick out a potty, we got pull ups and cute little panties, and we spent the whole weekend going potty. OMG my baby is wearing pull ups now! we had a few accidents here and there, but for the most part, she's a pissing and pooping in the potty champ.

we're gonna travel to mem.phis for christmas next week. we're spending christmas eve with my family and christmas day with Jay's family......i kinda wanted christmas day with my family but somebody pitched a bitch-fit so i'll be spending that particular day with my in-laws and all of those other family members who don't like colored people.......

i think i have pica because i crave and must have crushed ice. every. single. day. but not crushed ice from just any place. it has to be the ice from a certain gas station and it has to be from the machine on the right side. and i will know if you're being lazy and got the ice from the one on the left because it doesn't taste the same. you can say "ice is ice" but i will gut you if you fuck up my ice order.

also, i have a love affair going on with ore ida crinkle cut french fries. no salt. no ketchup. just fries. mmmm, yummy in my tummy.

one of these days, hopefully soon, i'm gonna change my layout. i've been meaning to do it for some time now, but when i have free time i choose to sleep, eat, and/or cuss at Jay for existing. playing around with html isn't really high on my list of things that satisfy me.


okay, back to pizza and football.




*kylie nicole is the little nugget's name.






i will cut you if you steal my baby's name.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:21 PM | |

Jay and i are starting to clash over the whole discipline issue. ava-marie, my littleface, is a little angel all day long when it's just the two of us at home. i hardly ever have to discipline her, but when i do, she knows mommy means business.

when her daddy walks through that door, that little midget turns into a fucking beast. knocking shit over, throwing shit everywhere, screaming and all kinds of fuckery. now, generally speaking, when Jay's home, i'm pretty much "off duty". he's responsible for changing diapers, feeding her dinner/watching her eat, and bath time. he's also responsible for disciplining her too. however, his idea of discipline is telling her she can't have or can't do something once. when she does it again, he just lets her do it. and it just burns me up.

you tell her "no". if she does it again, tell her "no". third time, smack her little hand, tell her "no", and let her do or play with something she's allowed to. it's not that fucking difficult after the first few hand smacks, i swear. the first time, she looked up at me with those brown eyes, like, 'mommy, how could you?' and poked her little bottom lip out. i felt really bad for like 5 seconds, but then she went on about her business. "she didn't scream or nothin'."

i used to let Jay pretty much do his own thing with her because he's gone most of the day. when he's home, he wants it to be cookies and cream. i'm so over it. in a few years, this girl is gonna be a walking, talking, miniature version of me and i'm gonna have to beat her back in because her daddy doesn't tell her to sit the fuck down now.

ugh, i have heartburn and there's nothing but infomercials on.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:52 AM | |

perhaps it's the hormones, but every time i listen to this song i cry a little.


--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:33 PM | |

holidays, holidays, get the fuck out of my LIFE! i don't know what the fuck, why the fuck, how the fuck it happened, but Jay and i both had our families here for thanksgiving. two dysfunctional families under one roof? who the fuck? speaking of 'fuck', that word is officially part of ava-marie's vocabulary. i have no idea how she learned that word.

so, thanksgiving. i did all of the cooking. for 20+ people.
3 turkeys- 1 oven baked, 2 deep-fried. [Jay did the deep-frying]
2 honey-glazed hams
stuffing
spaghetti
3 different mac-n-cheeses
mashed potatoes
sweet potatoes
green bean casserole for the white people
sweet and sour green beans
sweet rolls
collard greens
cabbage
motherfucking lasagna for my little brother
cranberry sauce
german chocolate cake
coconut cake
rum cake
pecan pie
pumpkin pie
strawberry-pineapple cheesecake
white chip macadamia nut cookies

i know i'm forgetting some stuff but never will i ever again. you will go to hell a million times before i ever cook that much ever again.

and then there was my family. ALL of my family: my mother and father. my brothers and sisters. my niece and nephew. Jay's mom and dad. his brother and sister. some of his cousins dropped by along with some people from his work.

now, anyone knows who my family knows we're some fucked up people. somebody is gonna get cussed out. somebody's gonna throw something. and somebody's gonna get smacked in the face. someone ends up crying, too. it's usually my oldest sister. not necessarily in that particular order. my siblings and i bicker over silly stuff and it's always the same people involved in each fight. it's one of the following: me vs. my older brother, me vs. my sisters, big brother vs. little brother, oldest sister vs. older sister, or little brother and i vs. the older kids.

my older brother and i always clash over my niece and our roles in her life. that's a whole other post itself.

older brother always picks on little brother because of little brother's "lack of direction" in his life. i tend to jump in because i can't stand for anyone to talk shit to or about my little brother. whether he's right or wrong, i am always his defender.

the girls. we all fight because we just don't like one another. it's only recently that i began having a real relationship with my older sister. but any little thing that one of us says another one doesn't like, "you need to shut the fuck up!" "you don't fucking talk to me that way!" "bitch, bring ya ass outside and we won't need to talk!" "mama, come get your daughter. it's about to be lights out for this bitch." or something to that effect. it doesn't even matter who's fighting. the dialogue is the same.

then, of course, my mom makes us hug it out and apologize and say "i love you." ugh. however, as much as we fuss and fight, i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. that's my family. i love the psychos.

Jay's family......... it's kinda weird. i've known them forever and they always seemed like such a happy, nearly perfect family. there's so much i didn't know about them until Jay and i were engaged. hell, i'm still finding out shit about them. Jay has requested that i not discuss his family's bidness on the internets so i won't. i had some good shit to tell though. they were fucking hilarious.

all in all, it was a really great thanksgiving. we didn't fight nearly as much as i thought we would. all of the food was perfect. lits got to know her family a little better. and i didn't have to clean up anything.

i did partake in some black friday shopping. lits is getting so much stuff from her grandparents that i don't know what Jay and i are gonna get her.

for my birthday, i asked Jay not to buy me anything but he didn't listen. although, he did keep it simple with a card and flowers and he took me out to dinner. see, i'm not that hard to please!

i think we're gonna start potty training very soon since lits now says "mama, i wet" and likes to take off her diaper and pee on the floor. it's so fucking funny yet so aggravating at the same time. where the hell does she learn this shit?
--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:26 PM | |