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Friday, August 31, 2007


how do you solve a problem that has no acceptable solution?

it's really nothing new....i guess i've kinda just been lying to myself to get it out of my head; if it's not true, it doesn't exist.

i don't like Jay having a regular, monday thru friday, 8 to 5 job. i don't like having a regular, monday thru friday, 8 to 5 job. the only reason i even have a job now is because it gives me something to do while he's at work.

i've been told, "you're going to have accept that this is what life is like after college." it's true, but it's too much for to try and adjust and adapt to so soon. i feel like i've had to give up a great sense of security so he can have a career. it makes no sense to anyone else, but it does to me and that's what it is. i'm so afraid it's gonna change him and the more time we spend apart he's gonna realize he doesn't wanna be with me or he'll feel like i resent him and rather have a well-paying job he loves and is great at instead of an unstable basketcase of a future wife. it doesn't matter what he says or does to convince me otherwise, even if i know he means it, i will always feel that way; i've had too many disappointments in my life to ever allow myself to think that true happiness is possible. always hope for the best, but expect the worst.

so, maybe in a way, i do kinda resent him now. i don't mean to but i see the little changes happening already.....but it's the little things that mean so much to me. and i know some of the stuff he can't help; he's a professional now. it comes with the territory.

it's just.....i don't know.

i guess i thought we could have the best of worlds where he could do everything he wanted to do professionally and nothing would change between us-- we could still be two fun, crazy kids in love. reality is, he has a 40-hour a week job, a career; i have a 40-hour a week hobby to keep me distracted; and nights and weekends are "free minutes".

at least monday is a holiday.

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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

    hump day

i'm at work!

yesterday wasn't too bad. i'm guessing a serious half-assing loser had this position before i did. i was expecting to set up experiment stations, screen participants, and run stats. my big "task" for the day was to re-stock supplies and order some stupid equipment. that was supposed to keep me busy all day. it took me less than two hours. riveting, i know. from what i've seen the past 2 days, a lot of people give off this 'don't speak to me unless i ask you a question' vibe. i should've expected it, as it is v@nderbilt, but i was little surprised at how unapproachable and cold most of the people are.

it wasn't all bad though. after meeting with all the *important* people monday and getting the tour, i thought i was gonna be working around a bunch of unpleasant, older people whom i have nothing in common with, but there's another level 2 RA closer to my age i get to work with. he's a grad student. very easy on the eyes . smart and funny. likes yogurt. i don't know why that information is important but he told me he likes yogurt. he's been working there since the spring so he's gonna "show me the ropes and keep me out of trouble." oh, and he told me i should expect pointless, busy work this week; next week is when the fun stuff begins. yays!

even though it's a nice distraction, i was glad when the work day was over. i missed Jay a lot. probably not as much as i would have sitting at home alone. i find it a little ironic that Jay said he missed me more because he's so accustomed to me being at home and knowing i'm either cleaning, cooking, or sleeping. i was a little offended by that statement too. the sex kinda made me forget about it though.

it's day 2.
all is well.
my break is less than 2 minutes away.
and Jay's bringing me wendy's.
i have no complaints....yet.


Monday, August 27, 2007

    tinky winky

howdy kids.

sorry i haven't been able to update as often as i usually do. i've been a very busy girl-- hosting parties, playing trophy wife, preparing for my new job, not beating up people. you know, it takes a lot more from me to walk away from someone who deserves a beatdown than to actually deliver the beatdown to someone who deserves it. but none of that matters anymore-- i made it through the parties, dinner with the corporate big-wigs, and a long, exhausting day with Jay's parents.

i'm a working woman now! well, i will be. today was just paperwork and a tour around the facility. my first official day is tomorrow. this is really stupid, but the only thing i'm really excited about is getting to wear my spiffy little white lab coat with my cute little i.d. badge. it's the little things, people. another plus is that Jay's and my hours are identical so we can carpool. yays! i hope we can still have lunch together. i gotta have my afternoon delight. *wink*

i'm gonna have to rework my morning schedule though. usually, i'm up at 6 to make breakfast and make sure Jay's out of the door by 7 if he's to get to work on time, then i clean up the kitchen and either get in another hour of sleep or get the day started with checking emails.
hmmm....i think i could do 4:30 and have us leave around 6:45....2 hours and some change might not be enough time for me though; it takes me at least an hour to get ready for anything. i should do a run-through tonight and see how long it takes. it's times like these i kinda wish we didn't live so far away from the city.


you ever take a picture and at the time, you don't really pay attention to any other person(s) who decides to jump in even though you CLEARLY stated you wanted to take a solo picture. and then a few days later you see the picture and realize how fucking fierce you look but the picture is ruined because one ugly motherfucker couldn't stand her ugly ass to the side for the 3 goddamn seconds it took you take the picture? GAWD! UGH!

when i was pregnant, i took more pictures during that period of time than ever in my life. getting to visually document everything pregnancy-related was one of the many great things about it. afterwards, it felt really awkward to just pick up a camera, let alone have someone else photograph me, so i took a self-imposed hiatus from any and all things photo-related. the one night i was really okay with someone taking my picture, the entire shot was ruined by some ugly bitch i don't even know. i had actually forgotten about it until my friend sent the picture to me the other day. i had no words to describe it; i just wanted to cry. i showed it to Jay; at first he smiled, but then the sour milk face took over. his exact words were "you look hot in that picture, but that thing standing next to you kinda takes away from it." i know this is shallow, but i've never claimed to be otherwise, but i feel so violated and disrespected that big ugly wench had the audacity to stand near me AND have someone capture it on film. she's not worthy, dammit. and to be quite honest, i'm not even 100% sure she is biologically female. i know some queens, but those bitches know how to work it. *finger snap*

that big bitch had ashy elbows. she could've at least moisturized her situation beforehand.


is it just me or are the likes of Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, and especially Lindsay Lohan proving what a joke the U.S. legal system has become? Blohan can get FELONY charges reduced to misdemeanors, yet, there are people who've spent a significant amount of years behind bars for crimes they didn't commit; some are vindicated thanks to DNA testing, but even getting the petition to allow DNA evidence into the courts that will prove one's innocence granted isn't guaranteed.

who would you be more willing to convict and give a harsher sentence to: (a) a black male fitting the description of a rape suspect who sexually assaulted three white females in a month, no criminal background, and only circumstantial evidence from the prosecution, or (b) a white female who plead guilty to driving under the influence for a second time and also had a significant amount of narcotics in her possession at the time of her second arrest?

the logical choice, in my opinion, is B. however, the fact is, black men receive harsher sentencing when convicted of a crime than other population in this country especially when it's a crime against a white person, male or female.

i know we've got a better legal system than most countries, i'll give you that much, but the state of our country is becoming more embarrassing every day.


i need to start on dinner. i have no idea what i'm gonna cook but i'm definitely baking a red velvet cake. i've been craving it the past several days. yummy in my tummy.

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

    scribble scrabble

i hate when i really want to write about something but never can quite get it out. my brain is one giant clusterfuck of thoughts. i should've majored in biology-- i've always liked and been intrigued with human anatomy and physiology. i can name almost every bone and muscle in the human body, the major arteries and veins in the heart, and all kinds of other useless shit i'll never use in "cognitive science".

i kinda had a little relapse the other day.....it was really stupid. i don't remember where i was leaving from, but i was somewhere in the city when Jay called and told me we'd have to have our movie night later than usual because he was gonna go get some drinks and dinner with some co-workers. i didn't let him know it upset me; i know he has to make appearances and be all social and shit with people from work. i don't like it but i thought i was handling the whole work thing pretty well. obviously, that's not the case, otherwise i would not have gone straight to krispy kreme and bought a dozen chocolate donuts and sat in my car and ate every single one of them. i was already feeling and fat and nasty, but that just made it worse. so, naturally, i made myself throw up and it made me feel slightly better, but not much. i went home to get some workout clothes and spent nearly 4 hours at the gym hoping that would make me feel a LOT better. i know i burned off all the calories since those donuts were all i had eaten that day, but i just felt worse than before. but instead of moping around the house until Jay got home, i just took a long shower and had a long nap.

i slept until Jay got home. he woke me up to harass me about the empty donut box sitting in my car. it's no big secret, he knew exactly what i'd done the second he saw that empty box.

that's always been my giveaway-- i always forget to get rid of allthe evidence. i'd get everything in my sight and trash it, but there would always be shit stuffed behind the driver's seat i'd miss. i used to lie and be like, "oh, i just haven't cleaned my car out in a while", and get away with it. but then i just stopped caring and told people to fuck off and mind their own damn business.

so, we had a venting session where we both got our frustrations with the other. and it helped a lot, i think. and we still got to cuddle and have our movie night which made me very happy.

yesterday was the interview at v@ndy for the job. i think it very well. the guy interviewing me was impressed with the research experience i had as an undergraduate. apparently, most don't get any of that until they start grad school and only because it's required. i'm one of only 4 people being interviewed for the position. i'm afraid having only a B.S. is gonna work against me but i did catch that guy looking at my ass when i was leaving, so maybe that will help. if not, there's another position in a different department i may apply for. they better be careful though; i'll only take so many rejections before i blow that whole motherfucking university to pieces.

hmm......i'm gonna go smoke a bowl or two and watch "the wall".


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Tuesday, August 21, 2007


....trying to figure shit out. life, mostly.

....not exactly where i wanna be. but who is?

....under construction. major construction.


Friday, August 17, 2007

    i'm sorry i was a whack.**

howdy, kids. how you doin?

i'm good. i've been in the bestest mood the past couple of days. i think the fact that i've actually been to sleep at a decent time, thanks to my friend ambien, has a lot to do with it. along with some retail, music, and sex therapy. and the best of episode of big brother in history-- princess dustin's smug ass got evicted. i haven't been so excited since the cards won the world series. it was so orgasmic, the look on his face when Chenbot said "By a vote of 4 to 2,Dustin, you are evicted from the Big Brother house." *squeal* i've replayed that scene sooooooo many times on my dvr and it never gets old. TEAM DONATO!

i'm really happy that Jay is loving his job. he's actually not working the position he initially applied for, but he says this job is better. he doesn't want me to talk about it [his job] here, so i won't. but i will say the only thing i'm worried about is him becoming a slave to deadlines and being jaded by it all. i don't want him to ever work where he's consumed with just that; i would hate for him to be miserable with his job. *sigh* so far, he's managing well. when he comes home, he makes sure that i know i'm his only focus, but as always, we'll see what happens.

he told me he had a surprise for me when he gets home, and i've been going out of my mind trying to figure out what it could be. i have no idea, which totally sucks cause i'm a nosy bitch. i need to know these things!

i have an interview next week for the job at v@ndy. i'm very excited about that. i'm not getting my hopes extremely high though. i'm sure there are plenty of candidates more qualified than i am. and i'm not sure whether or not the rule 'don't hire your own' applies. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

i've also been trying to figure out what i should do with the nursery. i don't know if i want to move everything out and strip all the paint and decorations. Jay worked so hard putting everything together and making sure it was perfect when we brought our little girl home. we shot almost every pregnancy video in that room. so many good memories in there. i want to keep it as is because i know changing it back to the way it was before would just make it hurt that much more. i don't think i'm ready or want that closure. i don't know. i just don't know.

i'm gonna go straighten my hair.

**name that movie.

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

    i like peanuts

i'm feeling.....productive.

i've been up since 5 this morning. technically, i never really went to sleep. i kinda just laid in bed thinking while Jay was spooning me. since i was pretty restless, i got up and started cleaning. as of late, i've had absolutely no motivation to go to the gym, so cleaning is my replacement stress-reliever. i couldn't clean as much as i wanted cause Jay was trying to get in an extra ten minutes of sleep. i made us breakfast and we ate and watched cartoons in bed. we're dorks like that. and it was really nice to hear how much he appreciates all the little things i do for him-- getting his clothes ready for him in the morning, making breakfast and fixing his lunch when he's in the shower, and always happily waiting for him when he gets home.

i may be batshit crazy, but i'm a damn good wifey.

after he left for work, i spent the rest of the morning cleaning. then, i called my mentor at v@ndy about the job for some insight. she offered to call the head of the department and put in a good word for me, and i *officially* submitted my resume for review. *keeping my fingers crossed*

i was supposed to take the dog to the vet for her rabies shots, but i went over to A's instead to help her with packing and for some girl talk. i know the shots are important, but i like A more than i like the dog. i'll do it tomorrow. hanging with A made me really sad because it's finally sinking in that she's leaving. i know i'll still see her since her family and that boy she's fallen head over heels in love with even though i told her not to are here, but i'm gonna miss her and her huge laugh and warm hugs and randomly shouting "fuck" so much. i still need to get her a going away/housewarming gift. she's leaving the same weekend Jay's sister is moving here into her dorm. that's gonna be an interesting weekend. the parents are coming![sarcasm] yay! [/sarcasm]

where was i.......after hanging out with A, i came back home to start dinner. the only reason i really cook is because Jay likes it. and that man can eat. if it weren't for him, i wouldn't do it; i very rarely cooked when i lived alone. i don't know how my grandma and my mom and other women [and some men] did/do it every single day. the most i'm willing to cook is 4 days out of the week. 7 days? standing over a hot stove? in the motherfucking summer? fuck no. not as long as wendy's is down the street, and pizza hut and china wok deliver.

we're winding down for the evening, just lounging around. big brother's on! yays! i read all the spoilers, so i know what's gonna happen, but i still love this shit. i'm tired as hell so maybe i'll actually go to bed at a decent hour. but not before i eat a big bowl of ice cream with my hubs. the giney's been on lockdown for the past 36 hours so i just might give him some.


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Monday, August 13, 2007

    chuck norris CAN believe it's not butter

i hate mondays. i had the best weekend; i didn't have to do anything but stay in bed and be crazy in love. then, monday had to show up and ruin everything.

there's so much cleaning and errand-running i need to do. i was supposed to help A with packing up her place too. i can't do any of it. my giney is in recovery mode, and, if it involves me moving around more than 30 seconds, i'm not doing it. well, except vacuuming and putting fresh linen on the bed. i had to do that; baby jesus weeps when i don't.

there's really not much else going on. my night out friday wasn't great but it wasn't a complete bust either. i got deliciously drunk. i love getting drunk.; it's fun. and no hangover the morning after? bonus!

i was politely escorted out of the first club we went to. that wasn't really my fault though. i was guilty by association. and i kinda smacked somebody with my shoe. i couldn't just let that bitch be all up in my girl's face without doing anything. i mean, i told her i was gonna do it but she didn't believe me. so technically, her getting smacked in the face with my shoe was her fault; she should've backed the fuck off when i told her to.

now that i think about it, that's pretty fucking funny. bitch got hit in the face with a shoe. you can't walk away from an altercation like that as the winner. you got hit with a shoe. in the face. hard. pure comedy.

i was literally thrown out of the second bar for punching some other bitch in the face. and then kicking her. and then spitting wine on her. i never liked that whore anyway. she shouldn't have insinuated she could take my man from me. but what really pushed me over the edge was that crooked-eyed wench pulled my hair! everybody knows i'm sensitive about my hair. i have boundaries and that bitch over-stepped them. she's lucky i'm not a dude or i'd have pissed in her face. and that motherfucker who threw me out is lucky i was incoherently drunk by the time i met up with Jay, otherwise i would've told Jay to go kick his ass.

by the time we got home, i'd sobered up quite a bit, i was horny and ready to fuck. and that's pretty much all we did this weekend. this is the last year we're doing "summer sexfest". i don't enjoy feeling like a porn star after a 50-man gang bang when it's over.

i'm gonna take a nap.

p.s. ladies, please stop this whole wearing of the big, bulky belts outside your shirts ESPECIALLY under your boobs thing. it's not cute. it works with some dresses, but not at all with shirts. it just looks retarded. spread the word.

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Friday, August 10, 2007

    put some hot sauce on my burrito, baby

i'm pooped. physically and emotionally exhausted. i need some cheering up so i'm going out with some girls and some gays. Jay's going out with some douchebags aka his friends. we're supposed to meet up some time later, i guess. i kinda don't wanna go out because i always get into some fight when i go out to bars/clubs. some random bitch will find a reason to get all in my face and i'm left with no choice but to whoop her ass. it's not my fault. it's their fault for being jealous. it is a distraction, though.


Jay's been bitching at me to quit smoking. we all can't be *social smokers* like some people. i think that's weird. he smokes reefer everyday. i get that. the ganj is a beautiful thing. but the only time he smokes cigarettes is when we go to shows. 2 or 3 smokes and he's done. weirdo.
i'm gonna quit soon though. i think. when life isn't as stressful as it is now. summer's almost over and we've not had a summer sexfest. that's what we're doing this weekend-- from the time we get home tonight until monday morning when he has to leave for work-- fucking.


there's a position open for a research assistant at v@ndy that i'm considering applying for. i'd be working in a lab, which i love, and it's great experience for what i want to do down the road, the salary is decent......but it's a full time position. i really don't wanna work full time right now, but i don't think i can just pass it over either. i haven't talked to Jay about it yet, but i'm sure he'll tell me to apply for it. he's all about me working if it's in my field and putting my degree to use, but if it's some little desk job or retail, he's not going for it. i think i need and want a little push from him to actually go for it, because i won't if he's not on board with it 100%.


i was browsing through this forum for women who've had miscarriages and stillbirths thinking i would get some advice and maybe support dealing with the loss of my baby girl, but it just put me an even worse mood. i couldn't even pay attention to the actual content because i was so distracted by everyone's 'signature'. they all had the dates and names of their MULTIPLE miscarriages and stillbirths in bright colors and glitter like it was something to be happy about and proud of, like it's a fucking trophy or something. i don't get it. maybe it's just me, but i find absolutely nothing great and glittery and happy and rewarding about losing a baby. i don't wear that loss as some sort of badge of honor. something about that whole mess really disturbed and aggravated me.


Jay and i were watching "mary, queen of scots" earlier today and i could not get over how much joely richardson looks like her mom, vanessa redgrave, when she [vanessa] was younger. google them and you'll see what i mean. i never really knew who joely was until nip/tuck, but i remember when i was younger seeing vanessa as guenevere in the camelot movie thinking she was one of the most amazingly gorgeous women i'd ever seen. then when i started watching nip/tuck i kept thinking joely looked like someone i knew but i could never put my finger on it, until i googled it and found out she was vanessa's daughter. mystery solved.


i should probably start getting dressed now. and i need to make sure Jay doesn't look too good or smell too nice. you know how good-looking, nice-smelling man attracts all kinds of dirty skankiness, and i'd rather not get a phone call prompting me to go pull out some bitch's weave for being all over mine.

later gators.

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Thursday, August 09, 2007

    5 months

it doesn't get any easier.
but i'm learning to live with it.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

    i need a smoke.

my legs and abs are on fire. my ass cheeks are sore too. what's it been, like, 2 months since i've been to the gym? fuck me running. gawd i hate this feeling. i'm not even in horrible shape, i should not have to go through this. i did get rid of those funnel cake calories though. that makes me happy.

aaaaaaannnnnnddddd, my baby's gonna give me a full body massage when he gets his stank ass out of the shower. he's such a girl. he's in there singing "another one bites the dust." that motherfucker better not be using my loofah. you know what? i hate how he can eat 3 times as much as i do, workout 45 minutes a day, and still have the body he does. and his workouts are shit compared to mine. i want his metabolism.

i've done pretty well keeping myself busy while he's gone during the day. i do miss him a lot; it's pretty unnatural. it's so hard though. i'm so accustomed to being with him and talking to him all. the. time. i feel like our relationship is a LOT different from most, so no one can really relate to me on that level. i can't call one anyone and tell them how frustrating this shit is and have them empathize with me; everyone thinks i'm out of my damn mind.

this is why i write. my blog and my paper journals are my friends. that's sounds pretty pitiful, but i don't care. blogs and journal don't lie and use your weaknesses to hurt you. they're just there waiting for you to babble away whenever you need or want to.

ugh. i have to pee and i don't feel like getting up. i want a frosty.

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    you're crazy but i like the way you fuck me*

we're in the midst of a heat wave here in middle tennessee. so fucking lovely.

i had a nice weekend nonetheless.

saturday, Jay and i met a bunch of frienemies at the park so the boys could play football and the girls could pretend they were paying attention and cheer them on but were really talking about which boy has the cutest butt among other non-football related things. i did have to put a couple of bitches in their place with regards to comments about my man. that's a no-no. i know he looks good, keep your thoughts to yourself when i'm around.

i hate being around a bunch of bitches, especially ones i don't know all too well. it seems like all my male friends date the girliest girls who complain all the time; and i don't get along with those types. i drink, i smoke, i cuss, i burp the alphabet, i beat bitches up, you know, all the un-girly stuff. i'm a jeans and tshirt kind of gal, but i do have pretty fucking fierce collection of dresses, shoes, and handbags. i've never really "fit in" with the v@ndy c@ndy, not that i've ever wanted to. they're just not my cup of tea.

one bitch complained about everything. i know i have my moments but we heard this bitch whining as soon as we got to the park. i can't handle too much of that, so i had to cuss her out and put a stop to that quick, fast, and in a hurry.

then there was this other chick. she was somebody's sister or cousin. i don't know. Jay told me in advance that all of her wires didn't connect, but i didn't take it seriously. that bitch was fucking insane for real. seriously! she was a pathological liar! she would ask me something about Jay's and my relationship and like a minute later would say the exact same thing about her and her boyfriend that may or may not exist. and it wasn't like an "oh yeah, we did the same thing" or "that happened to us, too". no. uh uh. she took my story and made it hers. like, she asked how Jay and i met, and i told her the basics-- first day of 3rd grade. he tried to pinch my ass and i punched him and we got in trouble. a minute later she was saying that's how she and her boyfriend that may or may not exist met. after a while i just kinda stopped talking cause this bitch was trying to steal my life. shit is ill.

and of course there's always some motherfucker who brings up the baby. don't you think if that's something i wanted to talk about i'd be the one to speak on it first? what the fuck is wrong with people? it really wasn't even that someone asked me a question, it's just that after that one question is answered people think it's okay to ask more questions. and it's not. then, when i say i don't wanna talk about it, i'm a bitch. kiss my ass.

i did like that all the girls were jealous because Jay's very affectionate with me and their boys weren't paying much attention to them. my hunny is the bestest. =)

i could've done without all the bitches, but i got pretty awesome tan. i'm black, y'all!

that night, we went to the drive-in theater and saw "the simpsons movie" and "hot rod". we hadn't been to a drive-in movie in soooo long, so i was really excited about it. we brought tons of junk and soda with us and we were like 2 kids once we got there. it was definitely easier to give him a blowjob. those seats in the regular theaters make my job [pun intended] a little more difficult than it should be. i'm sure he didn't have any complaints either.

after we left the drive-in, we were still full of energy, so we went to the hustler store. that's always fun. everytime we're in there, i grab a gay porno and flash the cover at Jay so he can see the man butt sex. it's the funniest thing ever. he absolutely hates it. we didn't buy much, just some oils. i wanted to get one of the swings but Jay said that would be "too much", meaning we have enough toys around and there's nowhere to put it in when we have kids over. yeah, my niece found our wedge in the closet while we were sleeping and thought it was a toy she could play with and tried to strap herself on it. and it's pretty difficult to explain to a kid why they can't play with something that looks so fun. i'm getting me a stripper pole though. i don't care what he says.

after the hustler bust, we came home, watched tv, and i fell asleep. and like the sweetheart he is, Jay carried me upstairs, put on my pjs for me, and tucked me in. be jealous, bitches. haha.

yesterday, we pretty much stayed in until the sun went down. i FINALLY used my belgian waffle iron i got for christmas and made us breakfast in bed. they weren't the best, but the waffles turned out pretty good considering it was my first batch ever. i caught up with big brother episodes on demand. nick's gone. no more eye candy. =( i didn't really care for the way he disrespected daniele's relationship, but she allowed it so whatever. he was really cute though.
Jay alternated between sleeping and drooling on me and playing his guitar. he looks so adorable with his serious face on. so much cuteness.

when it was dark out, we went to the fair where i had 3 deliciously greasy, sugary funnel cakes. i know i'm a pig. don't judge me. the fair is always fun because you get to be a kid and no one cares. we ride every single ride we can at least twice, play all the games, and laugh like there's no tomorrow. macho man won too many prizes for me so we gave most of them away to kids we passed as we walked along the dusty trails. and what better way to end the night than with a romantic ride on the ferris wheel? it wasn't as romantic for the couple in the next cab. they were yelling about how much it smelled like piss. sucks for them.

that was my weekend. consider yourself updated.

p.s. there will be no planning of any wedding anytime soon. been there, done that. that shit is not fun. not at all. all the sketches, lists, and whatnot are still in their *safe place* though. besides, we're in a good place right now. we haven't had a single argument since we got back from bonnaroo. i'm pretty sure that's some kind of record.

*"crazy bitch" is Jay's latest ringtone just for me. isn't that special?

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Saturday, August 04, 2007


we decided to stay in tonight and watch a movie.

a "scary" movie.

both of us absolutely love horror flicks. we're counting down the days until saw 4 is released. anyhoos, we didn't really feel like going to blockbuster to get movies so we picked a few from our own collection: the fog (original), pet semetary, the bad seed (not realy scary, but one of my favoritest movies evah!) and 28 days later. we chose "the fog" cause we haven't watched it in a while. the movie pretty much watched us cause we were doing shots and smoking and being dorks throughout the whole thing. if you haven't seen it, you really should. you can't go wrong with a john carpenter movie.

then, Jay checked to see what movies were on demand since there's that whole "fear net" thing. there's the movie "the gravedancers". sounded interesting so we watched that. it could've been a great movie were it not for the last 5 minutes. i think the director was going for a big ending, but overdid it with CGI effects so it came out really cheesy. i don't really care though. i've smoked a couple more bowls since then and i don't think i should have. all these weird ass noises and that evil ass dog staring at me.

that dog works for the fucking devil and Jay's selfish and would not stay awake to protect me from that thing. she's looking at me right now with her evil eyes trying to steal my soul. i'm expecting for her to turn into that huge ghost-skull at any moment. i've got a knife and i will shank that bitch if she lunges at me.

Friday, August 03, 2007


i've been PMSing like whoa today. i woke up and i got really mad at Jay because the fitted sheet on his side of the bed was coming off its corner. and then i started sobbing in the bathroom because he refuses to squeeze the tube of toothpaste the right way and never cleans his toothpaste splatter off the mirror. i cried through the entire episode of That 70s Show where Eric leaves for Africa. i was furious with Jay because he didn't completely shut the door to the nursery when we were leaving. i cried again, but i didn't really have a reason. i know it's retarded but i can't help it. my hormones own me.

i'm officially at my pre-pregnancy weight. i haven't actually weighed myself cause you know that's opening up a big a ol' gross can of worms, but i tried on my smallest pair of jeans and they fit. it was a lot more gratifying than i will ever admit.
everything seems to be back in it's original place, except my hips. they're a little wider. it's not really obvious, but it's insignificant things about my body that i'm always the most attentive to. my boobs are smaller too, but i'm pretty sure that's because i lost all the weight and then some. at lteast, that's what i've been telling myself. i'm glad i didn't end up with the fried oatmeal tummy though. [that's what Jay calls it.] i know most moms wear their pregnancy stretchmarks as badges of honor, but i'm shallow.

i'm really tired. Jay wants to go see a movie tonight, but i don't feel like going out. it's so miserably hot, and....well, i don't feel like dealing with people. i'd rather stay home, send him out to get me a mcflurry, curl up on the couch, and watch a movie with him.

speaking of my late night mcflurry-cravings, someone has taught Jay a very bad word. and when i found out who this person is, i'm gonna skull fuck them with a strap-on. last night, i woke him up for something.....i don't remember..... oh, the dog was vomiting. after cleaning up and making sure the dog was okay, he didn't go back to sleep so i asked him to go to mcdonald's and get me an oreo mcflurry with extra oreo crumbs on top and that fucker told me "no".
what? you can't just spoil me all these years and then out of blue refuse to submit to me. it doesn't work that way, pal. so, i cried. but that mcflurry, with extra oreo crumbs on top just the way i like it, made it all better. :)

my lips are feeling a little dry. where's my vaseline?

new baby business news-- as much as we both want to have another baby right now, it's not what we need. so, we're gonna wait at least until we know for sure if/when/where we're gonna be living and have a *real* plan ready before TTC. and you know what? i'm completely fine with that decision. we were both really excited about it, but the timing is all kinds of wrong. our next pregnancy should be as stress-free as possible, and it wouldn't be that way if we went forward with it now. so, yeah, we're gonna put it hold on hold for a while.

something kinda baby-related but not really-- lately, lots of people have been asking when Jay and i gonna get married. i don't think it's odd that people ask, i mean, we are engaged. it just seems like more people are asking now. and it's not just me, Jay's noticed it too. it makes me wonder what people are saying about us when we're not around.

i'm hungry.
and my nips hurt.


Thursday, August 02, 2007


i hate elisabeth hasselbeck.