yep.
in my white tee.
i'm pretty sure the makers of boyshorts didn't have black and latin women in mind when they were creating these things.
i would've worn a damn thong if i wanted pannies stuck in my ass all day.
J stuck his finger in my ass one of those times we fucked today.
i think i liked it.
maybe.
i think we might have sex too much.
my hoohoo never has any time to recuperate after the sex.
ah, who am i kidding.
i lurves the dick.
the dick loverful.
i'm pretty sure that's not a word but i just made it one.
i wonder how big shaq's peenor is.
i feel sorry for his wife.
something about him screams uncircumcised.
i peel bananas only, goddamit.
i kinda wanna see it though.
for educational purposes.
or maybe not.
i can't deal with black peters.
GIMME THE PINK MEAT!

i love chicken.
it's so tasty.
not when white people cook it though.
it's like y'all be scurred of putting seasoning on the shit.
seasoning is good for the soul.
maybe not for your blood pressure but it's worth it.
it's good for the soooouuuuulllll traaaaiiiinnnn.

i have a final friday.
i gotta get like a 110 to get an A in the class.
i don't think that's gonna happen though.
maybe if i show him a lil nipple he'll give me an A.
where the fuck are my gummy worms?
i just bought that shit today.
J's punk ass eats every damn thing.
that's not really that bad though.
that thing he does with his tongue.
whoo.
heeeeyyyy.
his stank ass friends need to leave so i can fuck his face a coupla times.
shit, i need a refill.
REFILLLLLLLL SUMBITCH!!!!!

blue koolaid and vodka is the shit.
i would link to what i'm talking about but the koolaid man kept saying "oh yeah" while i was trying to find it and it scurred me so fuck it.
but it's the berry blue, i think.
mix that shit with some grey goose.
it's lovely goodness.
it tastes like some bootleg hypnotiq.
i need to be a rapper.
or maybe not.
i'm too freakin pretty.
and the first rule of being a successful rapper is you have to be ugly.
like have gingivitis of the face or somethin.
like tyrone hill or sam cassell.
just ugly for no reason.
stupid game is still on.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????
i'm horny.
they need to leave so i can hit that.
i'm freaky as i wanna be.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:35 PM | |

we threw some burgers and hot dogs on the grill and had a few people over today.
it was pretty chill.
i would've been okay with us just being home alone, burping in each other's faces but whatever.
i've been the nice, social girlfriend all weekend so i don't wanna hear shit about going out or having people over next weekend.

at one point, J had my ass outside in damn near 100-degree weather standing over that hot ass grill so he could go get some more beer and ice.
i was a little mad.
i told that boy i'm not a field nigger.
i don't do the hot weather.
i can't be outside sweating and shit.
let me stay in the house where the air is and i'll make kool-aid.
what flavor?
RED!
heh.

so yeah, good times were had today.
no drama whatsoever.
i didn't have to smack a hoe for testing my gangsta.
J didn't cuss anyone out for looking at my booty.
nice, relaxing, uneventful memorial day.
i likes that.
better than last year fa sho.

i'm pretty sure J had too much to drink though, cause that motherfucker is passed out in the bathroom right now.
he's gonna stay in there too cause i refuse to drag his ass up those stairs and put him in bed.
i can't do it.
i won't do it.

oh my god, if he's pissed on himself, i will not have his babies.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:54 PM | |

went to J's boss's cookout.
stupid sun came out.
i absolutely hated it.
i know he has to socialize with those folks, but it was depressing for me.
it was pretty much just older [30-40-50ish] married couples there plus the 4 guys J's interning with and their dates.
the married couples were just so pathetic.
it was like they were complete strangers.
i could not imagine being out somewhere with J and not showing any affection whatsoever towards him.
no hand-holding.
no kissy faces here and there.
not even a little wave.
they were, like, the most cold, passionless, unloving group of people ever.

when J and i are together, people KNOW we're together.
we're annoyingly affectionate towards each other.
we're exactly like we are at home when we go out.
you know, minus the whole sex thing.
well, i've been known to give him boners in public places and maybe have sex with him in a clean(!) restroom but that's besides the point.
those people barely acknowledged their husbands/wives.
it was really sad.
when we left, i made J promise we wouldn't be like them 5-10 years from now.
i have enough issues already.
i don't wanna add 'housewife with the perfect house, kids, and everything in between but a husband that doesn't even know i'm here' to the list.
[insert heavy sigh here]

we were both pretty worn out when we got home.
and it wasn't like we really did anything.
the lifeless atmosphere was just draining.
so we grabbed a bottle of wine, lit some candles, threw on the artist formerly known as cee-lo, and put the lovely jacuzzi tub to good use.
we sat in there for, like, an hour just talking about how we used to hate each other's guts when we were younger but crazy in love now.
it's insane.
after getting all wrinkly in the tub, we did some love-making and passed out in each other's arms.
i swear, right-after-sex sleep is the best.
except now, i smell like man funk.

anyhoos, the 7th is the 3 year mark for us.
including the 6 months we were broken up and the few weeks were fuckbuddies. [he absolutely hates it when i say that, but we were.]
i don't think we're gonna do anything special though.
i'm really more concerned about what to do for his birthday.
i have absolutely no idea.
i've asked all of my guy friends what i should get him and they all said the same thing: a blowjob and a home-cooked dinner.
i'm like 'there's nothing special about that. he gets a blowjob every damn day and i cook like 3 nights a week now.'
yeah, they're jealous.
i'm sure i'll figure out something though.
or at least i hope.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:15 PM | |

J and i went to see XMen 3 last night.
it wasn't bad.
i was expecting it to be this really great movie but it was just okay.
people got really mad at us cause we kept doing the juggernaut bitch dialogue.
the old bitch sitting behind us tapped J on his shoulder and was like, "Do you mind?"
he was like "Hell yeah. Stop breathing on my damn neck! I paid to be here just like you. Now sit back and enjoy the damn show!"

yeah, my rudeness has rubbed off on him.
that shit was funny though.
but for those of you who haven't seen it yet, just get a bootleg copy or wait until it comes out on DVD.

****

cabbing it to the city everytime we wanna go out just isn't gonna work so we've been looking for some local shit to tear up.
we went to check out some club a few people told us about after the movie.
we should've just took our asses home.
it was waaaaay too many negroes up in that spot for me.
when we walked in, i turned my little ass right back around to leave but J was like "No, chill out. This is my type of crowd".
i'm like "Why can't you be like normal white people and be scared of this many niggas congregating in one spot? You know somebody's gonna get shot. I'm only half-black. I got negro-tendencies but this is where I draw the line."

i was dead fucking serious but he dragged my ass on in with him anyway.
and of course he spotted some people he knew.
it doesn't matter where we go, he will always always ALWAYS find someone he knows.
that's probably where our personalities clash the most.
i'm the antisocial bitch and he's the social butterfly.
ugh.
but anyhoos, i got over it but only cause a few chicas i know were there so i didn't feel so bad.
so we're all chilling and shit and the girls wanted me to go dance with them.
i'm like 'okay, cool. 2 or 3 songs and i'm done.'
it didn't happen that way though.

those hoes had me out in the middle of that floor for 7 damn songs.
and you know dj's be spinning 10 minute remixes and shit so that was over an hour of ass-shaking.
by the 8th song i was like "Fuck this. I can lean wit it and rock wit it but goddammit I don't wanna lean and rock wit it no mo'. Get at me when I'm not wearing heels."
stank bitches had me sweating and shit.
i'm too cute for that.

so then i'm walking around looking for J's punk ass cause i'm ready to go and this ol' nasty, gold teeth bastard grabbed my arm talkin bout "Junk-in-the-trunk, lemme holla at you for a minute."
i'm like "Motherfucker, if you don't get yo' dusty grill-having ass off of me, it's gon' be a misunderstandin up in here. My feet hurt and I can't find my man. I am not to be fucked with right now."
Dusty Grill: "Damn, lil mama, you mean as hell."
Me: "Ya damn skippy. Now get outta my damn face!"

yeah, that's them negro-tendencies i was talking about.

after a few more minutes of hopping around, i found that dumbass. he just looked at me and laughed, "rough night?"
Me: *right eye twitching* "I want to go home. NOW."
Some big fat black gorilla: "now, he know why we go to the white women."
Me: "And you wonder why you're sitting alone."
BBG: *to J* "You need to go home and take care o' ya girl."
Me: *rolls eye* "PSH."

i'm pretty sure they talked shit about me after we left, but i don't care.
as long as i don't hear it, we're cool.

when the nigger-lover [i'm so PC!] and i got home, we jumped in the shower and afterwards i made him give me a nice foot massage.
and i didn't even ask him to lick 'em but he did.
i think he has a foot fetish or something.
and right when we were about to do the nasty, the stupid dog started whining and scratching at the door.
ugh.
so i was left alone.
in bed.
nekkid and horny.
for ten minutes.
and do you know that dog didn't even take a piss when he took her out?
she just walked her prissy little ass around sniffing dirt and grass.
cock-blockin ass bitch.
i still got some though.

****

today, we're supposed to go to J's boss's little cookout thingy but the weather's not looking so great.
as much as i hate thunderstorms, i'm actually kinda glad cause i really don't feel like putting on a fake smile mingling with shady businessmen and their miserable bitches wives.
i'd rather stay home and watch Laguna Beach reruns.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:06 PM | |

i had a date last night with my faggalicious fags.
we went to a strip club.
strange yet attractive, possibly gay, oily men shakin their junk in my face don't do it for me but i really didn't wanna stay home with the dog.

now, an oily J shakin his junk in my face?
that's a different story.
i like that.
i know where that penis has been.
i kiss it, rub it, lick it, and suck it.
i LOVE it.
gay stripper men peenors? not so much.
but anyhoos, i ended up having a good time.

during the first hour, i kinda just sat in my little chair covering my eyes and screaming "OH MY GAWD, NOOOOO!" everytime somebody came jiggling and gyrating in front of me.
much like watching the gay porn for the first time, it was very traumatic.

second hour, i'd had a few fuzzy navels and a coupla shots so i was slipping dollars here and there in the man-thongs. i even got me a little lap dance.

by the third hour, i was drunk as fuck so i may or may not have poked a penis or three and yelled some dirty things to one particular stripper man. i'm pretty sure my face was humped.
and there may have been a drag queen.
but that could've been the tequila playing tricks on me.
fun stuff.

after we were kindly asked to leave, we walked over to some diner where i ate entirely too many pancakes.
i don't even like pancakes.
there was sex talk.
one girl and 3 fags talking about huge cocks.
that's always interesting.
i always turn into this naive little country girl when they talk about their sexcapades.
i do give good blow job tips though.
they got that whole swallowing while deepthroating thing from me!

eventually, they all went back to their little downtown apartments and i had to cab it back here.
i was expecting to come home to a drunken fool but that was not the case.
he said he couldn't have fun cause he was worried about me being out without him so he just came home and watched t.v.
i usually put out when he says sweet stuff like that but i was still spotting so i couldn't.
but after some serious *heavy petting* i was like "fuck that shit. i'll throw some dark sheets on the bed and we're good to go."
he tore my ass up.
'twas lovely.
i woke up this morning feeling like somebody punched me in the vuh-jay-jay with a sledge hammer.

i fucking love it.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:25 PM | |

i had to go to the hoo-hoo doctor today so she could violate me with the speculum.
i told that heifer to use the kiddy one but she didn't listen.
she could've at least held me when it was over.

i asked about the nuvaring.
yeah, that ain't gon' work for me.
J will knock that thing straight up into my uterus.
i think i'm just gonna stick with the pill.

*

broccoli and carrots make my farts smell like wet cabbage.
like whoa.

*

i hope angelina jolie's baby doesn't have her lips when s/he's born.
if s/he does, that's gonna be one fucked up-looking newborn.
i'm sure s/he'll grow into his/her looks though.

*

speaking of fugly babies, kevin federline needs to stop reproducing.
all of his kids look like they got beat with an ugly stick.
especially those little gremlins he has with shar jackson.
they're the exception to the rule of all mixed kids being cute.
the one with britney looks really *special*.
i hope the next one gets britbrit's looks circa 1999.

*

i watched that little porn with that chick superhead in it a while ago.
i was not impressed with her technique.
in fact, i was highly disappointed.
you'd think somebody semi-famous for sucking dick would teach a bitch a thing or two but not that one.
i'm think i'm gonna stick with the porn with white people in it.
black peenors scurr me.
for serious.

*

i have like 8 or 9 journal articles to review.
i don't wanna.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:50 PM | |

describe your blog in 10 words or less.
-it's the same two-step wit a little twist.

why did you start your blog? blogiversary?
-cause i had issues: his name is J. i started back in summer of 04.
J and i had been together for a year, just finished our first year of college together and everything was peachy keen. then he told me he was not gonna be going back with me when the summer was over. he was staying home, he'd already applied and got accepted to the U, and i had to just "deal with it". he's a special one.

how long have you lived in toronto?
-yeah, never.

what's the funniest/strangest thing that has happened to you in toronto? did you blog about it?
-i fell UP the stairs this morning. it was pretty funny. that didn't happen in toronto though.

what are some of the changes in toronto that you have seen in your lifetime?
-didn't i just say i ain't nevah evah lived in toronto? jeebus.

what era, day or event in toronto's history would you like to re-live and why?
-i wanna go back to the Elizabethan period and talk to them about personal hygiene cause it's important. not about toronto again, is it? oh wells.

who's your favourite torontonian?
-that's not even a word but i heart heather. i stole this from her.

can we believe everything you post on your blog?
-no, it's all a lie. all of it. A BIG FAT LIE.

has blogging changed you or enhanced a personality trait?
-umm....i don't think so.

do you have a favourite post from your blog?
-not at the moment. this one hasn't been up long enough.

have you had your 15 minutes yet?
-nah. i got a coupla writing offers and several inquiries for some nekkid pictures but that's about it. nothing too special.

ever met a stranger who already knew you through your blog? how was that?
-no but there was this one kid i had stats with. he would say shit that i thought only i said. i think he read my shit.

lose any friends or muck something up because of a post?
-nah. those fooleries don't know about it. i don't love them hoes.

who are your fave bloggers?
-errbody on my blogroll.

what's happening in toronto right now that the rest of us should be watching?
-i'm starting to think it was a bad idea to steal a meme from a canadian.

you have the opportunity to gather with 5 of your regular readers - who are they, where do you meet and what do you talk about?
-they are: the first 5 people who comment.
we meet: at disney world
to talk about: sex. bay-bee.

have you ever had a question you wanted to ask random people throughout the world?
-yeah, why do people sit in traffic digging in their damn noses knowing damn well someone's gonna see them?

if your blog were a food, what food would it be?
-crack. it's magically delicious.

if you could gather all of the bloggers of the world together into one room and tell them one thing, what would it be?
-actually, it would be a question. have y'all seen my panties? i can't find them thangs nowhere.

anything else you'd like to add...
-yeah, guys, don't ever tell your girl you submitted some naughty pictures of hers to maxim without her permission, let her freak the fuck out for half an hour, and then tell her you were kidding.
it's not funny, mmkay?

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:21 PM | |

it fucking sucks.
i'm all PMSy and shit and J's funky ass keeps fucking with me.
he's got one more goddamn time to put his motherfucking hands down my shirt and i'm gon' hurt him.
severely.

this shit started last night.
i wasn't all mean and hateful like i am right now though.
i just kept crying over the smallest things.
i got in the shower with J and when i started to wash his back, i realized i was almost out of lavender body wash.
so i cried.
J's like "baby, what's wrong?"

Me: *bawling like a psychomaniac* "i forgot to get some more body wash while i was at the store and now it's almost GOOOOOOOOOOOONNNEEEE!!!!"

J: *confuzzled* "Okay, but why are you crying?"

Me: "Cause I'm a giirrrrllll!"

J: "And here we go."

Me: "You don't UNDERSTAAAAAAAAANNNNNDDDD!"

J: "Come here weirdo."

he pulled me in and hugged me.
that just made me cry even harder.

Me: *still bawling* "Oh my goooooooooodddd!"

J: "What now?"

Me: "You haven't shaved your chest in three daaaaayyyyysssss! It's all hairy nooooowwww!"

J: "I was going to until you decided to have a nervous breakdown over some stupid soap."

Me: "It's not soap it body wash! NOW STOP HUGGING ME AND SHAVE IT!"

yeah, once he shaved i was fine.
it was like i never even saw that almost empty bottle of BODY WASH.
so, after the shower, i went downstairs for a mountain dew.
i wanted a live wire and we only had the regular kind.
yeah, i fell out in the kitchen floor and threw an all-out tantrum.
kicking.
screaming.
rolling around.
i did it all.

J being the oh-so-WHIPPED man he is, went to the gas station to get me that tasty, oversweetened orange koolaid-like, carbonated beverage.
but he didn't bring me no cheetos.
you can't bring me a mountain dew and not have the cheetos.
baby jesus weeps.
so i had to cuss him out like a step-child.
and when i was done, he just looked at me.
then he shot the fuck off.

"You know what? Fuck you. You do this shit all the fucking time and I let you get away with it. Just shut up, take a fucking midol, and go to sleep. "
he looks good when he's mad so i was like, "heeeeeyyyyyyy, how you doin'?"
and he tore my ass up like we just got married.

but today, i have a headache, my nipples hurt, and i have cramps.
i don't want him touching me.
i don't want him talking to me.
i don't even want him in the same room with me.
he gets on my damn nerves.
the only thing i need for him to do is fix me some taquitos and go on 'bout his business.
i'll holla at him when i want some dick.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:17 PM | |

i'm thinking about maybe finding another therapist.
therapy's hard for me just because of my view of my eating disorder and it's difficult for me to change that way of thinking.

i know i have a problem [bulimia] and i want to get better, i just don't see it as a problem [impairment]. probably because i cycle so much and when i'm having recurrent episodes its cause of my state of mind.

when i'm content for an extended period of time, like now, i don't binge and purge, starve myself, or do any other type of compensatory things. when i'm depressed, even for just a few days, i completely lose self-control and do unhealthy things to myself.

and i know people are thinking "why not just go on antidepressants?" it's not that simple. i know what it's like to be on them and i know what it's like to not be on them. i'd much rather deal with mood swings and cyclings of bulimiac episodes than be on drugs that make me put on this fake smile and be all la-dee-da, everything's perfect facade. it's not real. even though you're saying all the right things and appearing to be happy and healthy to everyone else, that's not what you feel. you're devoid of normal emotion.

and let's not forget it kills your sex drive. i went off zoloft 6 months after J and started dating [back in 2003] after being on them for almost 3 years. i believe it was after the 6 months he turned me out. heh.

yesterday, i got pissed off at him cause he ate 3 ham and cheese sandwiches.
i was jealous that he could eat that much and be fine with it. it's just a normal thing for him. thoughts of gaining weight and having to purge and starve himself for three days would never cross his mind. that's what i want.
yeah, i need a new therapist.

coming to america's on. i love that movie.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:03 AM | |

dear lurkers,
stop it. die or something.
ESPECIALLY the one from singapore who molested my archives, has returned several times since, and hasn't even said "hi". you should go jump into a burning building. twice.
i know i'm awesome and all, but this ain't no wham-bam-thank you ma'am type of party. get yo' shit together or leave.
rude little fuckers.

love,
me

back to our regularly scheduled program:

J is officially the most foul person ever.
he has this habit of walking in front me and farting. and then he'll go "ooh that was a wet one" and fan it at me. i deal with it cause i love him and love makes put up with stupid shit like that. but anyhoos, after breakfast, he took it to a whole new level.

when we were done eating, i made him leave the kitchen so i could load the dishwasher and clean up. he *distracts* me when i let him stay around. when i was done, i sat at the table and called him back in just cause. he came over and stood in front of me so that the right side of his body was in front my face. i wrapped my arms around his waist and playfully bit his side. he hates it when i do it but he does it to me all the time.
he grabbed my ponytail and pulled my head and smiled and said "open wide". of course my dumbass did it thinking he was gonna put *something* in my mouth.

yeah, he put something in there alright.

that nasty little motherfucker turned around and farted in my mouth. it was the most rancid, putrid, repulsive smell i'd ever personally witnessed and experienced come from a human being. ever. it was like something crawled in that boy and died a thousand deaths. he thought the shit was funny and laughed his funky ass off while i was sitting there choking on air he'd just violated.

someone told me when a guy takes a shit and then brags to his girl how it bad it smells, she's his girlfriend; when a girl takes a shit and then brags about it to her guy how bad it smells, they're officially married.

oh yes.
i'm getting married and honeymooning today.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:24 PM | |

test today.
probably failed it.
for some reason, i'm don't really care.
i should be worried considering it's a core course and i have to get at least a B- in it.
oh wells.

anyhoos, since J has fridays off and the test only took 40 minutes, he and i spent all day moving the rest of our stuff from the old place to the new one, cleaning up the old place and returning the keys [dude, you never know how many ass prints you've left on the walls throughout a place until its completely empty], getting the utilities and other bill-related stuff taken care of, and coming back to the new home-sweet-home to get everything unpacked and its place.

it was absolutely exhausting. driving back and worth, moving furniture here and there. ugh. when we were done, we fell into each other on the bed [mattress & box spring still weren't on the bed frame at the time] and just sighed. he looked at me and was like "baby, i'd kiss you but my even my lips are tired." i was like "awwww." i felt/feel so bad for making him move all of our stuff in just a few short days. he had a little help but i don't care about them. i gave them fifty bucks and beer. my hunny booboo was worn out so i *attempted* to give him a back rub. it didn't work out though cause he fell asleep in a matter of seconds. he does this little lip pucker thing when he's sleep. it's so freakin cute.

i went downstairs for some water and to check my email and one friends IMed me to tell me there was a party at another friend's place and he wanted me and J to be there. i told him we wouldn't be able to make it cause we were so tired from moving and all that jazz. i'm guessing either he told the girl i wouldn't be there or he told someone else and they told her or whatever cause like an hour later, while i'm sleeping my ass off, my phone rings and its that bitch.

*half asleep* "what?"

"meems, party tonight at my place. you have to come."

*half asleep* "nah, man, i'm tired. i'm staying home. in bed. sleeping. i might get some dick but elvis isn't in the building right now. mmkay? yeah."

"god, when'd you get so lame?"

*not so asleep* "when did being tired and not wanting to go out make me lame?"

"......"

"yeah, didn't you personally call me cause you heard i wasn't gonna be at your funky ass little party? i think that makes you lame cause you know it ain't shit unless i'm there."

"whatever."

"yeah, whatever. and p.s. your parties suck my dick, bitch." *hangs up*

i was probably a little mean but i don't really care.
first, bitch woke me up while i was in the middle of some good ass sleep. i'm talking 'bout that sleep that has your ass drooling so hard, the side of your face and pillow starts marinating in the shit.
second, i hate when dumbass hoes talk shit about not just me, but anyone being this and that just cause we don't feel like hanging out, partying, clubbing, or whatever.

i'm 20 fucking years old and i've seen and done all the shit they're just now starting to. maybe i'm just jaded but none that shit appeals to me anymore. i'd rather spend everyday at home with my man and watch sportscenter or the daily show and chasing the dog around with a shoe than spend every weekend getting trashed and not remembering any of it.
been there.
done that.
and then some.

lame.
now synonymous with "growing up".

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:26 PM | |

for those of you with an attention span of a 4 year old:
-went home for the weekend.
-moved into a new place cause some creepy maintenance dude came in my apartment without my permission and freaked me the fuck out.
-happy now?

p.s. i sorta kinda lied but not intentionally. utilities are not included. my bad. apparently, i can't hear or read. oh wells.

*

i'm absolutely loving the new place. the drive to school? not so much. i'm dealing with it though. what i really hate is having to wait longer for J to get home from work. i be missing him like whoa.
he's forbidden me from buying anything to fix up the other rooms without him being with me but he also refuses to go shopping with me. he's gonna be one disappointed little man when this weekend. why do men hate pier 1 so much?

*

one blogger seems to have his little man-panties up in a bunch cause of comments i've made about other commenters "instead of leaving anything worthwhile of [my] own". now, when i left comments relevant to certain posts, those were obviously not "worthwhile" cause he didn't respond to them. since i said his regs were a bunch of ass-kissers and easily impressed, i'm asking for attention and hits. yep, that's it. i mean, i'm just BEGGING for attention by stating the obvious. did i not ask the few people who wanted me to give them the link to not link back to me? and when leaving comments on other blogs, i left the link to the old blog up until what? a week and a half ago? yeah, man, i'm like a crackhead feenin for those hits.

douche.

*

i'll be glad when summer school's over. condensing four and a half months of material into a few weeks is not working too well for me. i've pretty much failed all the quizzes and i'm pretty sure i'm gonna bomb the test tomorrow. ugh.

*

i'm thinking about going off the pill. i'm at the point now where if i miss a day, i don't even care. i think subconsciously i'm trying to get pregnant but consciously, i just hate dropping everything so i can take a stupid pill at 5 o'clock on the dot. i don't like the inconvenience of it. i also don't wanna go back to condoms either. it just messes up my groove. i hated having to stop just to put a rubber on the pink meat so i could get my morning ovary punches. y'all know i'm a little dick fiend. and i like sucking him off when we're done but when he's worn a condom, it ain't happening. i don't like that. it tastes nasty.

what to do? what to do?

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:28 PM | |

just got a whole bunch of goings-ons.

recap? of course.

friday - went to our school's graduation to see some friends/enemies/frienemies end one chapter and a start a new one in their lives. afterwards, went to a friend's little gathering where my oh-so-wonderful fiance decided to steal not one, but two shrimp platters. how he managed to sneak out with those things? i do not know but i swear the summer is when the redneck in that boy comes out.

friday night- drove home for the weekend. we got pulled over like 5 seconds from our neighborhood cause J was swerving a little. he wasn't under the influence. he was just blowing a load in my mouth. i got that killafihead. butanyhoos, officer friendly let us go with a warning.

first we stopped at my mom's house. that woman has issues. it was a little late but i called beforehand to tell her we were on our way and this bitch still tried to mace us when we came in cause "shit sounded suspect down here". i just put my stuff up in my room and got the fuck up outta there.

over at J's place, one big ass hug-and-tear fest. that asshole wasted no time showering his mom with affection and completely ignoring me. maybe not completely but i still didn't like that shit.

saturday morning- J and i took our moms out for breakfast where they proceeded to hound us about setting a wedding date and giving them some grandbabies. J pinched me cause i said it's his fault they don't have grandbabies yet. of course i was half-joking but it kinda is. i think we're gonna have like a dozen kids before we ever get married just cause that's how shit works for me. nothing ever goes the way i plan it.

later, he and i took C to Bogey's since we wouldn't be home for her birthday. yeah, we were asked to leave shortly after we got there cause J attacked the skeeball machine for not giving him his tickets. he's a special one. we didn't have enough tickets to get the stuff she wanted so i made J pay for it. plus, the kid has to get what she wants. i don't like being called a bad tia.

C and i went back to my mom's and J went off with his folks. my sister got all pissy with me cause we didn't tell her we were taking my mom out for breakfast. i was like "you used douche, you're cooking dinner for her. shut your face." she pinched me and i pulled her hair. feel the love? and why do people always pinch me?

saturday night- J and i attempted to go out to dinner and go see Poseidon but everything was packed and the two theaters we went to were sold out. since that was a no-go, we went downtown and sat on the riverbank. mosquitoes were tearing my almost-black ass up so we just went back home and smoked out, did the nasty a coupla times and fell asleep. yep. we're classy bitches.

sunday morning- i tried to sneak out before he woke up but he caught me and made me stay another hour to snuggle with him. he gave me this cute little mother's day card and wrote "you beat me with mountain dew bottles but i still wuv you mommy, wuverz Maya [our dog]" and at the bottom he wrote "p.s. daddy loves you and your naughty bits" with a little smiley face. one of the many reasons why he's my bestest.

i eventually made it back over to my mom's and he stayed with his family the rest of the day. my mom just totally took advantage of us [me and the sibs] doing stuff for her.

Mom: "Mija, get the remote for me."
Me: "But you're closer to it."
Mom: "But i asked you to get it."
Me: *mumbling profane words*
Mom: "What was that?"
Me: "Nothing." [insert fake smile here]

she sent my little brother to the store for some ice cream and he came with Blue Bell. bitch wanted Breyer's so she told him to take it back and get the brand she wanted. he wasn't going though. "shiiiitt, i wish i would go back to that storeto exchange some damn ice cream." so he took some masking tape, covered up "Blue Bell", and wrote "Breyer's" over it.

see, that's why he and i get along so well. we're both smartasses and we feed off each other's smartassness.

Mama V slapped the shit outta that boy. and he took his narrow ass back to kroger and got that damn breyer's ice cream. i love my mommy but that woman is cuh-razy.

J and i made it back here really late sunday night. we were both tired as hell but mustered up enough strength to do the nasty. i'm a big bitch when we don't commit sins of the flesh regularly.

then monday. oh monday. J left earlier than usual so he could take some stuff to the cleaners and i stayed home later just cause i was tired. i got in the shower a little before 9 and when i got out, i heard Maya barking and growling in the kitchen. the little fucker is a little crazy so i yelled "shut up". usually, she quiets down but she didn't so i knew something was wrong. i grabbed my bathrobe and went in the kitchen and there's this creepy looking dude standing there with a drill and air filter. and he just looked at me like i was the damn stranger.

Me: *grabs the knife from the counter* "Who the hell are you?"
Him: *hands up* "Whoa lady. I'm just the maintenance guy."
Me: "I don't care! Get out!"
Him: "I have to change the air filter."
Me: "Either I cut you or call the police. Choose wisely."
Him: "I just came to change the air filter but they don't pay me enough to die for it. I think I'll just leave."
Me: "Ya think?"

we were gonna wait until our lease was up at the end of july to move but when you've got creepy maintenance dudes who come in while you're taking a shower, a nigga gotsta go asap. i went over to the main office and told them hoes i was moving the fuck out cause they didn't give us 24 hour notice of someone coming in and in the lease it clearly stated that's what they'd do. then some bitch said some shit about me having to pay for breaking the lease and i told her to kiss my ass. then i called J and told him we were moving today [monday] and there was nothing he could say to change my mind and by 6:00pm we were signing a new lease for the new place that i'd been eyeing. yes, it was really that serious. i refuse to stay at that place knowing some creepy dude has a key to my home and can just waltz in whenever he wanted to. J said i was overreacting but he wasn't there so he can lick my ass.

[insert sigh here]

we've got a few more things to move but we've got all the major stuff. we just got our cable and internet hooked up late this afternoon so i'm set. i absolutely love the new place. IT'S GOT NEW PLACE SMELL.

pros:
more space/more rooms to fuck in
nice view
thick walls
nice neighborhood
utilities included nevermind.
i get to buy new furniture and decorate
it's just gorgeous

cons:
a lot farther away from school...like 30 miles i think. traffic is gonna be a bitch.
more than double what we were paying at the other place
had to wait forever and a day to get cable. [really just two days but i'm impatient, dammit.]
we had to shove out bribe money in addition to the application fee, deposit, and first month's rent. ugh.
that's about it

i'm enjoying the new condo vibes. it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. i think my hunny bunny's worn out from all the moving i've made him do the past coupla days. he's on the couch curled up like a little baby with the blanket pulled over his head. he's too cute.

i have a test friday. i should be studying right now but i like procrastinating. i wish these muthafuckas would hurry up and eliminate a bitch on American Idol.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:43 PM | |

"babe, it's not a fight if you cuss me out for ten minutes ,walk off, and end up falling asleep on the couch. that's just an ordinary day."
-J, 5/11/2006

he so deserved it though.

once upon a time, i could go at least two or three days without talking to him after we fought. not no mo'. all he has to do is whisper somethin sweet in my ear and i'm over it. i've been dicknotized fa sho.

there's this kid in my class who just irks the fuck outta me. he asks too many damn questions. and he always start askin shit when it's almost time to go. i be like "the fuck? why are you always talking?" ugh. i can't deal with that shit for 3 more weeks.

there's another kid trying to get at me. i told him i'm engaged and beyond satisfied with the dick i'm getting now but he doesn't care. he wants to be my "special friend". i can't lie though. i like being pursued. if J wasn't in the equation, i'd be all over that cause he's one fine piece of ass. or maybe not. i always assume really attractive people have STDs. all fine ass men are man-whores and i prefer being syphilis-free. like david beckham. i'd hit it for free but he'd have to double bag it.

i need some new sunglasses. every time i get a pair i think no one else has, i end up seeing some bitch with 'em. they're usually knock-offs but it still irks me.

so i'm listening to teddy p. "when somebody loves you back." he says love is 50/50. he's wrong. it's 100/100. at least, that's the way it should be. i put up with a lot of selfish shit from that asshole so it doesn't hurt for me to get spoiled shitless every now and then.

king of the hill is almost the bestest. i love me some dale gribble. yep.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:38 PM | |

um yeah so if you wanna play, the game is:
make a comment saying so and i'll give you a letter. you then have to think of 10 words that start with that letter and they must mean something in particular to you and your life.

i got the letter 'J' from my dear KimmyKizzle.


*****

J*ay- i seriously do not know what, who, or where i'd be without him. he's the bestest. i don't know how he's put up with my shit for so long. but as much as i love him, i cannot and will not name our firstborn son after him.

Juicy Juice- i love it. it's delicious. my grandma always had it for me and my sibs when we visited, which was like every day. i miss that little lady.

Jewelry- i'm not really big on it but the pieces i wear every single day are my engagement ring and a necklace my grandma gave me before she died with my promise ring on it.

Journals- i think i started writing in them when i was like 8. i thought my teacher hated me cause she gave me a week of detention for talking too much [surprise]. so every day when i got home, i'd write about how much i hated her and how she should die so i wouldn't have to look at her ugly face anymore. after that little phase, i wrote poetry. after that, just every day stuff. it eventually lead to blogging [duh] but i still keep one. i don't write in it as often as i used to, but i put some shit on paper every other week or so.

James Brown- when we were little, one of the ways my sibs and i would keep busy and distract ourselves from having to hear my dad beat the shit out of my mom was to put on James Brown records and sing and dance our asses off. my favorite song to dance to was "get up offa that thing" and i loved singing "gonna have a funky good time". my little brother fucking KILLED "i got the feeling". i'm so making him do that shit while we're home this weekend.


Jodeci- they were like the first group i had a crush on. sad but true. i wanted to have this crackhead's baby. my sisters and i actually fought over that shit. shut up.

Jimi Hendrix's star spangled banner- i don't know why but i get really emotional every time i hear it. Hendrix = love

Jugular- keys to straight to the jugular if you try to mug me. my mommy taught me that.

Just breathe- i'm constantly reminding myself to do that. i get stressed and overwhelmed all the time by stuff i have no control over and i forget to just let things flow. that probably means i have control issues, doesn't it?

Je t'aime- i can never hear it enough.

Labels: my love, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:55 PM | |

i'm complex.
i'm real.
i'm everything you hate to love.
i'll make you swoon.
i'm more awesome than your entire life.
i always read between the lines.
i'm such a smartass.
i will own you in mortal kombat.
i'm very caught up in my obsessive-compulsive habits.
i like conspiracy theories.
i'm a true romantic at heart.
i live for hoodie weather.
i feel empty without my muzak.
i prefer familiarity.
i probably hate you.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:20 PM | |

me: "did you use my loofah?"

him: "no, i did not use your loofah."

me" "it's wet."

him: "and?"

me: "girly man."

him: "fuck you."

me: "fuck YOU."

him: "you know what? i DID use your little loofah. and you know what else? i washed my balls with it. it felt gooood. so wah wah wah." *sticking tongue out*

me: "i hate you."

him: "that's not what you say when i'm blowing your back out."

****

him: "my phone isn't working right."

me: "what's it doing?"

him: "it keeps shutting off."

me: "charge it."

him: "that's not it."

me: "whatever."

**10 minutes later**

me: "did you figure out what was wrong with it?"

him: "yeah....the battery was low."

me: "i told you."

him: "you didn't tell me shit. shut up."

me: "bite me."

him: "oh, i plan to."

me: "freak."

him: "you love it."

****

him: "i'm not gonna be the one to explain sex to our kids when they walk in on us."

me: "psh. whatever."

him: "i'm gonna enjoy watching you try though. 'mommy, why are you naked?' 'mommy, why are you on the table naked?' 'mommy, why is daddy's face in your va-jay-jay while you're naked on the table?'"

me: "cause daddy wanted dessert before dinner."

****

that's black interracial love, y'all.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:22 PM | |

i don't feel good.
i really didn't eat a whole lot but it feels like it.
i'm a pig.
oink oink.
i haven't thrown up so that's a good thing.
i should've went to the studio.
i haven't danced in a while.
that always makes me feel better.
i've ben posting a lot.
it's like old times, eh?
the same two step wit a little twist.
somehow the lurkers find me.
i don't know how but them sumbitches do.
i hate them.
i need a new layout.
i'm bored with this one already.
i don't feel like doing it though.
i should just use an old one.
i wish it was time for J to come home.
i miss him.
like whoa.
i need to fuck his face.
several times.
twinkle twinkle, baby.
twinkle twinkle.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:13 PM | |

oy. i hate mondays again.
they're so ugh.

class was intriguing. the prof and i are gonna problems just cause we always do. we've got history. i love pissing him off. i think he respects the fact that i never back down from him but other than that he pretty much hates me. he did tell me he'd write me a good letter of recommendation when i started to applying to grad school but whatever.

i didn't get to see my hunny booboo after class cause he was too busy for me. douche.

why is traffic always so fucking awful at noon? i mean, what the fuck are people doing? it's not like there's a wreck or anything. people are just holding shit up for the hell of it. i just wanted to get on 65 so i could get home and pee. but before i could do that, i had to sit on 40 for half a fucking hour. that's why people get road rage. they put up with nonsensical traffic all week and by friday, a nigga is ready to ram their car into some shit and choke a bitch.

one of my frienemies called to tell me about the latest bullshit she's been putting up with and i was just like "Okay, why are you wasting your time with this jerkoff? You're fucking gorgeous, smart, you have great sense of humor, and so sweet you could just die from a sugar overdose. You could have any man you want and you're with that loser? Come the fuck on!"

"Sorry, everyone can't be as perfect as J."

"Honey child, he's far from perfect but he's a real man. Real men spoil you and make you feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. Know a woman's worth. Real men don't string you along out of convenience."

and that's when she told me to go to fuck off and hung up. which i thought was kinda funny cause i love it when people tell me to fuck off, but it's really sad.

that dude she's with is a fucking pig. he lies to her, cheats on her. wait, no, he doesn't cheat. he breaks up with her for a few days so he can sleep with whomever he wants and then begs her to take him back when he's bored. and when he's with her, all he does is talks about how he'd bang this, that, and the other chick passing by. doesn't appreciate any of the nice things she does for him. she's goes out of her way to do stuff for him and he's probably never even said "thank you". he obviously doesn't love her or even care about her the tiniest bit, but knows she's "crazy about him". he's a fucking waste of time. she could do so much better. she's in an emotionally abusive relationship and doesn't even realize it. what sucks even more is that HE knows the relationship isn't going anywhere but doesn't have the balls to break it off completely cause he knows a real woman wouldn't tolerate that shit.

ugh. i hope he dies a slow, torturous death.

i'm sleepy but i'm trying to stay awake until J gets home so he can bitch about his day and i can play with his balls and he can blow my back out. then i can take a nice long nap.

oh shit! bobby brown is on tyra today. i gotta watch that shit.

later dudes and dudettes.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:03 PM | |

all i can say is...damn. the things that man does to me.

we had dinner out on the balcony. he liked the steak but he said the pasta was too spicy. it wasn't. he's just a little bitch. and he still ate it. danced to the nookie muzak and got a little tipsy afterwards. then we put the dog away and he tore my ass up for 3 hours. i'm totally working the beat-up coochie walk. he hit it so right i was screaming i didn't want no mo'. that's some good dick right thurr. i'm creaming in my shorts just thinking about it.

i think my hoo-hoo is elastic. whenever we go 2-3 days without sex [and BOB hasn't taken his place] i get really tight. that's obviously a good thing but it's a little weird. i hope it does that when i start shooting babies out of that thing. that's the only thing that worries me about having kids. not being able to *feel* him again.

anyhoos, maymester begins tomorrow so i'm duck-taping my notebook together. that shit gotta last until summer school's over. i'm a cheap bitch and you know school shit don't go on sale until late august. oh snaps, i gotta steal some paper from J. oh yeah, my psych class is every damn day from 9-12. i'm gonna hate that shit.

the good thing about is when i'm done i can just walk over to where J's working and see him for a minute before coming home. i wonder if we'll be able to sneak a quickie in. he found out he's actually getting paid while he's interning. that's pretty sweet. even though money really isn't an issue for us, but i like that he's gonna be making money, even though it ain't much, that's all his.

i gotta figure out what to get his mom for mother's day. i bought my mom some flukes but that would probably be an inappropriate gift for someone who has *issues* with alcohol. so....um yeah, any suggestions?

shit. i'm worn the fuck out.
and i'm all stinky.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:28 PM | |

I really should just stop going out. I always get into some shit. There's just no escaping it.

Last night, I went to a really good friend's party and there was this one bitch I had to bring back down to earth. She was drunk and reverse-grinding on some dude that was so not interested. So I made fun of her. There was just no way I couldn't. She was just asking for it.

She was about 3 feet away from me and obviously heard me so she was like, "I'm not deaf you stupid bitch. I can hear you!"

"One, I'm a bitch but I'm not stupid. Get it right. Two, I don't give a fuck about you hearing me. That's the damn point."


Bitch had some ginormous balls cause she walked straight up to me and got in my face. "I don't know who you think you are but I'll kick your ass!"

"Oh, bitch, you've really got life fucked up. Mint. You are seriously violating my gangsta with breath like that. It's beyond offensive. And since you're feeling so froggy, jump, bitch. I'm gonna whoop your ass."

White girls.
It never fails.
They go straight for the hair.

Why?

Do you not understand that just further pisses me off and leaves with no choice but to uppercut you in the chin and then proceed to whoop your ass, as my oh-so-wonderful crackhead uncle Willie would say, like you stole somethin? I just got this shit done.

The funny thing about it was I only hit her that one time and she backed up and just sat down on the floor and started crying for her friends, who, BTW, were just standing there looking at her drunk, dumb ass the whole time.

I was expecting her to put some kind of fight cause she was obviously pissed but naw. She just cried. It's always like that though. The ones who start shit are always the ones who can't fight.

See why I can't be left alone? Bad shit happens.

That bitch had a strong chin though, cause my damn hand is still hurting.

******

All of my grades are FINALLY up. Guess who made the dean's list? I'm so stoked. Those two semesters I took chem fucking killed my GPA so I really needed to bring that shit back up. And I did. I did. I did. I did.

My baby's coming home today. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! That's excitement right there, folks. I miss him like whoa.
I'm gonna make steak and spicy shrimp pasta for dinner. And he'll have me for dessert. ;) I got some new lingerie, fuck-me boots, and I made a new CD with all my favorite Sade songs.

I swear I'm like the most awesome fiance EVAH. Guys, you should be so jealous. I mean, really. So jealous it hurts.

It should be a crime.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:24 AM | |

my man left me home alone for the weekend. i'm actually 100% fine with it. for reals this time. it's just Mem*phis so it's not that bad. i'm almost over the separation anxiety. besides, some me-time is LOOOOONG overdue. i don't like it but a little time away from each other always does us good.

since he left, i've pretty much just lounged around, did some shopping, and hung out with my faggoty ass faggot friends. they do my hair for free, appreciate old school whitney and pat benatar, and i can drink without worrying about someone slipping shit in my drink. did i mention i get my hair trimmed and straightened for free? sheeeeeiiiiiitttttt nigga. i'm all over that.

then


wait for it...

...

...

...


we watched gay porn.

oh.

my.

fucking.

GAWD.

have you seen gay porn? do you know what those little fuckers do to each other? oh my gawd. just, oh my gawd. it was traumatizing but i couldn't stop watching. everytime someone's ass got penetrated, i threw my hands up, clenched my ass cheeks and screamed. i seriously hurt for them. killed my little buzz i had going too. that's what i get for being so damn *curious*. i don't know how people do it. i just don't. two out of the three times i've tried it, i cried. it ain't natural. and the only reason i didn't cry that one time was cause i was too drunk to notice. the morning after wasn't too pleasant though.

i wonder if they have fecal incontinence. i know when i explained it [fecal incontinence] to J, any thoughts of any "backdoor exploration" he had left vanished completely.

i miss him. it's getting late and i don't have him here to feel on my booty or say "just lift your leg a little" so he can get some while i'm trying to go to sleep. and that stupid dog is getting on my damn nerves with all that damn whimpering. i miss him more than you. stupid bitch. she needs to run away or somethin.

i think i'm gonna cry.

Labels: my love, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:42 PM | |

i love how some white people are all about cinco de mayo and do nothing but insult mexicans every chance they get.
it's classy.

anyhoos, if i weren't so dick-whipped i'd be on my way to jersey right now. why, oh why do i have to be so in love and willing to do [or not do] anything that fucktard wants me to?

we're supposed to go to the M today and stay the whole weekend for the music fest. i don't think we're gonna make it though. J got pretty wasted last night and spent most of the night and part of this morning blowing chunks.
plus, the line up pretty much sucks [especially compared to bamboozle] and i don't really wanna spend two weekends in a row there.

next week when we go, he's not gonna be paying any attention to me whatsoever. his mom will be back home and it'll be mother's day and he's a big fat momma's boy.

ugh.

is it so wrong to want the man you love more than life itself to pay attention to you and only you? yeah, i'm selfish. so what? i deserve to be selfish every once in a while. i just have bad timing.

it's not my fault. it's his fault. he doesn't know how to balance me and his mom. when we go home and everything's normal with his folks, i always feel like i get put on the backburner. he doesn't notice it cause he's a big stupid man but that's the way it is. i play it cool cause i know he and his mom are really close and i don't wanna be a bitch about it but i fucking hate it. i mean, i love Mama M and all but dammit, she makes him not pay attention to me.

i'm like 'hey, she birthed and raised you but you're grown now and i suck your balls every day."

i need help.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:09 AM | |

spring semester is officially over.
i had my last 2 finals yesterday. when we got home, we climbed in bed and played footsy for a bit. we're so silly. J fell asleep soon after. yeah, with his hand up my shirt. i was dead tired but couldn't fall asleep for some reason. i got up and lounged around for a about an hour then went back to bed. i had to wake him up for my daily dose of dick. after that i pretty much slept the rest of the day and into part of the night.

i think i woke up around 9, as J was getting back in bed. i love the way he smells after he's just taken a shower. i bit him for letting me sleep so long and made him run my bubble bath. i thought taking a bath would make it a little easier for me to go back to sleep.
it didn't.

J was still up so he gave me another dose of dick. then he went to sleep. surprise. i watched the new episode of House he DVRed for me. i love that show. i'd do hugh laurie if i was into older men. when it was over, i watched J sleep for a while. he looked so cute. i don't know how the hell he falls asleep so easily. i'm a little jealous.

i stared at the clock for a while. it's funny how slowly time passes when you're actually watching it and so fast when it's the last thing on your mind.

a thunderstorm came through. there was this one roll of thunder that scared the hell out of me. i thought my heart was gonna jump out of my chest it was beating so fast. i guess it woke him up. he grabbed me and pulled me closer to him and whispered "it's okay, baby" in my ear and kissed the back of neck. and this indescribable feeling came over me. when i realized what it was, i couldn't help but cry. he asked me what was wrong and i just told him not to let go.

last night, i felt completely safe for the first time in my life.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:59 AM | |

i'm still trying to get better on my own. again. i think i'm stuck in limbo right now. i'm not really moving forward but i feel like i could fall back at any moment now.

i'm still keeping the food diary to keep track of what i'm eating but it's not really helping. the way i eat is pretty consistent, it's just on paper now. either i eat too much or nothing at all. it's never been anywhere in the middle. i'll eat tons of junk and either purge or not eat for a few days. or not eat for a few days and eat tons of junk. and it's not like i want to.

when i do go days without eating, i don't even notice until J asks me what i've eaten or tells me my stomach is growling like crazy.

when i'm binging i'll tell myself to stop eating but i'm not physically able to. it's quite sad. we tried to sorta counter it, i guess, by not buying so much food at once. instead of buying stuff for the week, may be 2 or 3 days. but we can't control for living 10 minutes away from all the fast food places. and J doesn't always make the food runs. just the ones for my late night cravings.

i think he knows what happens when i go get food but he's probably so tired of dealing with it he doesn't even bother anymore. it kinda hurts cause i feel like he's given up on me but if i were him, i'd be the same way. it's been going on for so long fighting about it is just pointless.


i hate her.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:10 PM | |

my allergies are being super gay. what good is having a sister as a pharmacist if she won't send you drugs? i never liked that bitch anyway.

research & neuro finals were today.
research = cake
neuro = all kinds of ugh-ness.
i think i'm gonna get an A in the class though. i fucking deserve it. i've worked my ass off for that stupid class.

it's been raining all day. and i wore flip flops. my mommy said i'm gonna get "pneumonia in [my] ass". she's so silly.

oh yeah, the boy and i kissed and made up. before going to bed i thought about having sex with him and just not saying anything to him that way i wouldn't break my no talking to him rule, but it didn't work that way. we actually stayed up until 2am talking and spent the rest of the night/morning doing some grown folks stuff. >=)

so yeah, i'm pretty tired now. no naps today though cause i gotta study for the anatomy & child psych finals. i think i'll do pretty good on the anatomy final. or at least i hope. i need at least a 92 to secure an A in psych. ugh. i'm so glad i'm almost done with school.

it sucks i don't get that much of a break before maymester starts. the only reason i'm doing it is so that i'm not stuck at home alone all day while J's interning. our schedule for the regular summer sessions are exactly so the same so that's good.

i feel like i'm babbling. oh well. that's what i do. i wanna move. i'm kinda tired of this apartment. apartments in general. they suck. we should get a condo. the condos are really nice here. hella expensive, but super sweet. and we won't have to worry about nosy neighbors listening to us while we do the dirty dance.

i need to study.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:34 PM | |

had a final today. i don't really know how i did. maybe a B? it was all about freudian, adlerian, and jungian therapy. with their styles and theories being so similar and the way the questions were worded, i had a pretty difficult time with it. i thought that one would be the easiest final i'd have. i'm not that worried though, i've gotten A's on all the papers and previous tests so I can make a C and still have an A overall.

J had two finals. he thinks he did pretty well. i'm really proud of him. he's worked really hard this semester and hasn't let the course overload and outside stressors get to him. honestly, when he first signed up for 21 hours i didn't think he could hack it. he's never taken over 15 hours before and never really had to work hard to get A's in other classes before so i was a little skeptical. i know he's capable of it, it's just that he's never really put that much effort into school before until now. he made me mad today so i'm not talking to him right now but he still makes my innards all warm and fuzzy.

after finals, we went and picked up my goddaughter from daycare. when i walked in, one of the caretaker ladies had her up and ready to go. when she saw me, her little face lit up and she said my name! i didn't even know she knew my name. i almost cried. i don't think she understood me but i was like "you little fucker, i watched you come out of your mommy's hoohoo a year ago. you weren't as cute as you are now." she just stuck her finger in my nose and slobbered all over my face.
we took her to toys*r*us to get her some [belated] birthday presents and picked up some stuff for C. everytime we put something in the basket she'd clap her little hands and go "ta-ta!" she's so freakin' adorable. i got her some baby einstein stuff, that dancing elmo, and a new play pen [cause that thing she has now is a fuckin death trap and my goddaughter cannot be stylin' and profilin' in an old beat up pen]. i didn't really know what to get C. i didn't wanna buy more dora and strawberry shortcake crap but i ended up doing it anyway. ugh.

anyhoos, after the toy store, we took her to DQ for some ice cream. it was too cute. she tried to feed J but ended up just smearing it all over his face and she'd go "uh oh!" he's so great with babies and i think my uterus noticed cause it started talking to me. i ignored it for a while but then it was time to take little bits home.

yeah, i cried.

my maternal yearnings are refusing to be denied any longer. the uterus wants the little spermies and it wants 'em now. J wasn't hearing me though. i think he gets off on making me cry. for reals. after dropping off the kiddo, we came back home. there were two boxes at the door. one addressed to him and the other for me.

FROM MY MOMMY!

she's so awesome. she sent us care packages. i don't know or care about what was in J's cause i'm not talking to him right now, but for ME, she got me the chanel bag i've been DYING to get for weeks now. it's the denim tote from the new luxury line. yeppers. she stuffed it with all kinds of goodies. chocolate espresso beans, twizzlers, lemonheads, my pawpaw's strawberry preserves, fun shower stuff, perfume, and some cute thongs. i wuv her.

now, i'd usually be snuggled up with that assface and watching 24 but, again, i'm not talking to him. i'm gonna wear something really skimpy to bed and not let him touch it. BOB's gonna be gettin' some special attention tonight. yes sirree.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:25 PM | |