i love how some white people are all about cinco de mayo and do nothing but insult mexicans every chance they get.
it's classy.

anyhoos, if i weren't so dick-whipped i'd be on my way to jersey right now. why, oh why do i have to be so in love and willing to do [or not do] anything that fucktard wants me to?

we're supposed to go to the M today and stay the whole weekend for the music fest. i don't think we're gonna make it though. J got pretty wasted last night and spent most of the night and part of this morning blowing chunks.
plus, the line up pretty much sucks [especially compared to bamboozle] and i don't really wanna spend two weekends in a row there.

next week when we go, he's not gonna be paying any attention to me whatsoever. his mom will be back home and it'll be mother's day and he's a big fat momma's boy.

ugh.

is it so wrong to want the man you love more than life itself to pay attention to you and only you? yeah, i'm selfish. so what? i deserve to be selfish every once in a while. i just have bad timing.

it's not my fault. it's his fault. he doesn't know how to balance me and his mom. when we go home and everything's normal with his folks, i always feel like i get put on the backburner. he doesn't notice it cause he's a big stupid man but that's the way it is. i play it cool cause i know he and his mom are really close and i don't wanna be a bitch about it but i fucking hate it. i mean, i love Mama M and all but dammit, she makes him not pay attention to me.

i'm like 'hey, she birthed and raised you but you're grown now and i suck your balls every day."

i need help.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:09 AM | |