dear lurkers,
stop it. die or something.
ESPECIALLY the one from singapore who molested my archives, has returned several times since, and hasn't even said "hi". you should go jump into a burning building. twice.
i know i'm awesome and all, but this ain't no wham-bam-thank you ma'am type of party. get yo' shit together or leave.
rude little fuckers.

love,
me

back to our regularly scheduled program:

J is officially the most foul person ever.
he has this habit of walking in front me and farting. and then he'll go "ooh that was a wet one" and fan it at me. i deal with it cause i love him and love makes put up with stupid shit like that. but anyhoos, after breakfast, he took it to a whole new level.

when we were done eating, i made him leave the kitchen so i could load the dishwasher and clean up. he *distracts* me when i let him stay around. when i was done, i sat at the table and called him back in just cause. he came over and stood in front of me so that the right side of his body was in front my face. i wrapped my arms around his waist and playfully bit his side. he hates it when i do it but he does it to me all the time.
he grabbed my ponytail and pulled my head and smiled and said "open wide". of course my dumbass did it thinking he was gonna put *something* in my mouth.

yeah, he put something in there alright.

that nasty little motherfucker turned around and farted in my mouth. it was the most rancid, putrid, repulsive smell i'd ever personally witnessed and experienced come from a human being. ever. it was like something crawled in that boy and died a thousand deaths. he thought the shit was funny and laughed his funky ass off while i was sitting there choking on air he'd just violated.

someone told me when a guy takes a shit and then brags to his girl how it bad it smells, she's his girlfriend; when a girl takes a shit and then brags about it to her guy how bad it smells, they're officially married.

oh yes.
i'm getting married and honeymooning today.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:24 PM | |