last day of class today. thank fucking jeebus.

there's this chickadee. she's really quiet. the only time she really said more than two words was during the first day of class when that douche made us introduce ourselves. she had the thickest southern accent i'd ever heard but it was really cute. little country bumpkin. southern girls are the bestest.

but anyhoos, halfway through class, we have like a 20 minute break so people can go out to smoke, grab a snack or something from the vending machine, or whatever. the pixie chick always brings leftovers from home. she said it's cause she works nights and rarely gets to eat dinner, so she eats dinner in the morning and breakfast at night when she gets off from work. a little weirdo she is.

during the break, everyone [three guys and myself] who sits in the back row just stays in class to talk about our sexcapades. little pixie girl always run off to the break room to warm up her food and come back to vulgarity we spew. every now and then she'll let out a little giggle but she never joins in on the conversation. not that i blame her.
so today, i was late. i got there right as the class was breaking. it wasn't really a big deal cause it was the last day and tending to my beat-up vagina is more important.
i walked in, said 'hey' to all of the fellas and pixie girl. i figured last day of class, i'm gonna get this girl to talk so i was like "girl, what are you eating on today?"

she turned her little cute head around and smiled "Oh, I got some leftover beef stew and niggerbread my mom made yesterday. You want some?"

i just looked at her like 'the fuck did you just say?'
the two guys i was sitting next to said "oh my god, did she just say 'niggerbread'?

i was so taken aback all i could do was sit down in my little chair, drop my head down, and laugh in disbelief. she looked at me like 'what? i don't get it. what's so funny?'
so i was like, "sweetie, what is niggerbread?"
and she goes "oh, it's just cornmeal, flour, eggs, and milk. you know, niggerbread."
i was like 'honey, that's cornbread, not niggerbread. if i didn't think you honestly had no idea how offensive and insulting 'niggerbread' is, i'd come over there and kick you in your fucking neck right now.'
so she started crying and trying to apologize. and i was just like "don't bother. i'm not even mad cause you were obviously raised by some ignorant people."

and with that, i went from slightly amused to utterly disgusted so i left. i think if i'd stayed, i would've whooped that girl's ass after class was over. i'm gangsta like that.

so that i wouldn't feel like i wasted my gas, i did a little shopping. there aren't any really good clothing stores here so i have to shop while i'm already in the city or i won't do it at all.

shopping and i have a love/hate relationship.
when i find stuff that fits me perfectly right away, i love love LOVE shopping. i can shop for hours. when i have to try on 7 or 8 different pairs of jeans before i find one fucking pair that fits the way i want them to, i get store-rage. it's road rage except it happens when i'm in a store. and i know it's the sales associates job to ask if i need help, but if i'm having a store-rage moment, it's best if you don't say one fucking word to me. in fact, don't even look at me.
i will hurt you.
severely.
sometimes, the lovingness and store-rage can happen at the same place. i'll grab a pair of jeans, try them on and they fit my ass perfectly. but when i go to find the same exact pair of jeans and try them on, they. don't. fit. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

jekyll and hyde, bitches.
jekyll and hyde.

today was good though.
i got three pair of jeans from this cutesy little boutique, a bunch of junk form sephora, and some old band tees from the goodwill. is it wrong to bargain with them on a shirt that costs a $1.50 down to a buck? i didn't think so.

i stopped at walmart to get some bath towels cause i had throw away a bunch of them because of J throwing up everywhere the other day. i didn't get any towels though. somehow i ended up in that aisle with all the bathroom scales.
it was heavenly. body fat monitors, body fat analyzers, weight trackers. i wanted all of 'em. every single one of 'em. i wanted to stroke 'em and pet 'em and kiss 'em and hump 'em. oh my gawd, i was just creaming in my panties.

i couldn't get out of that store fast enough with my pretty new black lithium scale.
i came home and weighed myself 17 times.
i'd step on and step off and step on and step off and step on and one of those it said i was a pound heavier but it LIED so i stepped off and stepped back on it again and everything was right in the world again. I LOVED IT!
i've actually lost 3.5 pounds since the last i weighed myself and i loved that even more cause i love love love LOVE not feeling fat. i was so overcome with joy and love that i got a little light-headed and maybe passed out for a moment with my pretty new scale in my arms.

and when i came to, reading rainbow was on the tv. why is kunta still on reading rainbow?
i don't know either.
i've got my new jeans and my dirty goodwill shirts and my pretty new scale.
i love today, june 1st, 2006.
if it wasn't so damn hot outside, today would be perfect.
well, minus the whole 'niggerbread' thing.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:05 PM | |