fuckathon oh-six has come to an end.
and i couldn't be happier.
that type of shit should definitely happen only once a year.

i have a rugburns everywhere.
on my knees and elbows.
my ass.
i have a nasty scrape on my lower back from the kitchen counter.
a slightly dislocated hip.
i'm pretty sure i have a concussion.
too many hickeys, bite marks, and bruises to count.
lockjaw.
my back is killing me.
and i have one annihilated reproductive system.
but it was SO fucking worth it.

it's not that i'm a freak.
i'm just really turned on by J all the time.
i can't help it.
everything about him makes me melt.
the boy can just look at me and my panties disappear.
and i simply cannot resist the dick.
it's not just a dick.
the length and girth are too perfect.
it's a cock.
a wonderful, glorious cock.
i love it like it's my firstborn child.

*

you know that saying "it's not the size of the boat that counts. it's the motion of the ocean"?
i call bullshit.
size matters.
if you've got all the goodies but can't work it, it's still all good cause men can be taught how to move to the groove.
a man with 5 inches can have all the motion in the ocean he wants but he still can't hit all the spots an 8 or 9er can.
it should be a crime.

..::J, seriously, that's enough ego-stroking to last your ass a lifetime.
you're gonna need it cause when you're pushing 60, i'm not touching no old wrinkly balls just to keep your ass happy::..

speaking of getting old, i bet old ladies and crackheads with no teeth give the best head.
they ain't got nothing getting in the way!
i have totally digressed.
my bad.

we broke the papasan but that sumbitch was about to collapse anyway.
2 lamps and some other minor stuff got broken too.
fucking up against the refrigerator while cereal is falling on your head = bliss
the door in the laundry room was slightly hanging from the hinges but J fixed that yesterday.
we're definitely getting new living room furniture cause no amount of cleaning or febreze will undo the damage we've done.
don't tell anyone though.

*

last night, J was spooning me, kissing the back of my neck just the way i like it, and fondling my naughty bits.
i so wanted the penetration but my giney needed some *alone time* so i had to tell him to stop.
i kinda felt bad.
*tear*
but then he said a typical male thing so i stopped feeling bad:

"Come on. Just let me stick the head in."

let you stick the head in?
mmkay, now, if i let you stick the head in, there's nothing stopping you from going all the way.
douche and a half.
how 'bout you give ME some head and we'll call it a night, k?
good doggy.

oh, some other crazy shit he did.
while were in the grocery store this morning, this little old lady asked J to help her put a case of bottled water in her basket.
now J has issues with old people.
yeah, i don't get it either but he does.
anyhoos, after he put the thing in her basket, she tried to give him a pat on the back and thank him or whatever.
he didn't want her to touch him so he pushed the woman's hand away and goes "Oh, I like your pearl necklace."
i'm thinking "oh gawd no" cause i know what he's about to say.
he goes "i gave my girl three of 'em last night."
and the little old lady just smiled and said "that's so sweet" and went on about her business.

yep, my guy's definitely a keeper.

*

today, i've been watching the odyssey and finishing up all the half-ass cleaning i did yesterday.
i think i have like two more loads of laundry to do, in addition to folding the 5 other loads i did yesterday.

i had planned on cooking dinner but some of J's friends from work and our old neighbor are coming over.
they're nice.
they have jobs.
they're not stupid frat boys.
they don't bring whiney girlfriends with them.
and that one kid knows all the choreography to "beat it".
i loverz him.
he's a big dancing dork just like me!
however, he only knows a little bit of the thriller choreography so he loses a few cool points.
but that's okay.
he's accumulated enough points to eat my food without me cussing him out.

*

i've been told by several people that i should stop having so much sex cause girls with a lotta mileage have *prominent* labia minora.
my libido is gonna come back to bite me in the ass.
i don't want a prominent labia minora!
i want my giney to stay cute and intact.
does this mean i should give up having sex at least twice a day?
but wait.
jenna jameson and some other porn stars have plenty of mileage and their gineys still look normal.
or have they had some *rejuvenation*?
ugh.

happy fucking sunday.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:05 PM | |