forgive me blogosphere, for i have sinned.
it's been 3 days since my last post...
yeah, that's why me and Catholicism had to part ways.

on with the show:

stuff i hate

-ignorant black folks-
females, my hair is NOT A FUCKING WEAVE.
unlike you nappy-headed hoes, i've been genetically blessed with "good hair".
i don't think i'm better than you cause my chanel bag is real.
i KNOW i'm better than you just cause i'm hotter and more awesome than you'll ever be. :)

p.s. red and bleached blonde hair makes you look like booboo the fool.

men, and i use that term very loosely, the white boy IS hitting it right.
several times a day, in fact.
oh, and the dick?
it's long and thick.
just the way i like it.

p.s. gold teefasis make you look 100x uglier than you already are.
cut the shit.

*

-dumbass white people-
little girls, crunk does not mean "to be crazy and drunk", mmkay?
it has different meanings in different parts of the south but "crazy and drunk" ain't one of 'em.
my man doesn't want you.
he finds that white girl disease 'noassatall' highly unattractive.
also, stepping on my Roos will get your ass knocked the fuck out and i will laugh as the blood trickles from your little button nose.
i eat babies for breakfast, bitch.

p.s. 1998 called. she wants her butterfly halter tops back.

little boys, telling a Black girl you wanna "do" her just cause you've never "done it with a Black girl before", probably won't get you any closer to your goal.
also, if you have to drug a girl just to get some, you shouldn't be having sex anyway.
and finally, fucking little high school girls and bragging about it to your friends?
yeah, not cute.

p.s. the south will not rise again. let it go.

*

-greasy italians-
yo guido, lay off the fucking pomade.
it's not cute on the Gotti boys, it ain't for you either, baby.
although, that middle one, John.
i could teach him some thangs.


*

-paris hilton-
you're rich, although i hear otherwise.
why don't you get some kind of surgery on that fucked up eye of yours?
it scares the children.
your feet hooves, seriously, make me wanna eat my own vomit.


*

-creators/manufacturers of any lube that warms on contact-
ya know, i like to bring a little something extra into the bedroom every once in a while.
the man likes that kinky shit.
but oh my GAWD, do you people even test your product?
that shit BURNS my cooter!
jeebus!
i should sue you fatherfuckers.

*

-papa john and his fucking sweetreats-
yeah, on the commercial, the motherfuckers make the shit look like it's almost as big as a medium pizza.
well, it ain't.
it's not even the size of a personal pan pizza. it's a little piece of shit. FALSE FUCKING ADVERTISING.

*

-christian bale-
thanks to you i am no longer curious about uncut peenors.
yeah, i saw those stills of you naked, wielding a chainsaw.
your little ween looks like a turd trying to crawl back up into your anus.
maybe i'm being a little harsh.
you could be a grower, not a shower.
either way, EWWWW!

*

-my sister-
you dirty whore, don't you have a little boy to potty train?
stop assaulting my archives.

p.s i don't hate you but if you tell anyone about this blog, i will tell mom about the times [yeah, that's plural] you had sex in her bed.
and you know she will fly to ATL just to pimp smack you.


*****

stuff i loverz

-my gorgeous fiance-
he's the bestest.
he spoils me rotten.

*

-my gorgeous tan-
my skin tone is almost the same color as my hair. okay, maybe not but my hair is like a caramel color and my tan is honey-ish.
NO TAN LINES!
i love it.
be jealous.

*

-my car-
it's clean, y'all!
if it weren't for J, it would always be as dirty on the outside as it is on the inside.
seriously, i've had it since december and it's been cleaned only 4 times and each time, J's done it cause he got fed up with it all the crap falling out every time he opened the passenger door.
my back seat is like a trash can.
"what? an empty coffee cup? throw it in the back?"

*

-hair clips-
cause when i don't feel like doing shit, which is always, i can just throw one of those little things in my hair and no one can tell i haven't touched the shit in two days.
i'm a little sensitive about my hair but some days, i just be like "man, fuck it".

*

-nekkid twister and whipped cream-
does this really need an explanation?
i get to relive part of my childhood, ride some dick, and satisfy my craving for something sweet all at the same time.
win-win-win.

*

-sex-
just in case you didn't catch the memo.
i love sex.
sex is great.
great sex keeps me a happy little lady.

*

-omahyra-
this bitch is the epitome of the word 'fierce'.
love her photos, especially the ones with boyd.
loved her in X-Men.
i think she's fucking gorgeous and her body is S I C K!!!!
she's like an edgier gia carangi.
there are only three bitches i'd switch teams for.
omahyra is definitely one of 'em.

*

-new rw/rr challenge-
coral.
one of the three bitches i'd switch teams for.
she makes me proud to be a smart-mouth, shit-talking bitch.
"i don't wrestle. i beat bitches up."

*

-weekends like the one i just had-
they all should be this way.
we spent the days doing pretty much nothing but get massages, drinking champagne and laying out by the pool.
oh yeah, and "i was gettin some head. gettin-gettin some head."
and the nights were spent club-hopping and getting drunk as fuck.

BUT WE IN THE STEAM ROOM!

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:53 PM | |