sometimes, i don't like living in this suburbanesque area. it's cool back home just because everyone in our neighborhood has lived there at least 10 years and we know everybody and their momma's business; and who doesn't like to live comfortability? here, we're i'm completely out of our my element. we don't really know anyone except a few kids that go to the U here. our friends rarely hang out at our place cause we stay so far away from the city and no one wants to make that 30 minute drive [on a good day]. not that i blame them. traffic can be a bitch and a half. and we can't even get a bag of weed without worrying about somebody snitching on us. there's too much unfamiliarity around these parts. but it's so fuckin clean! i could actually settle down here.
*
i don't appreciate how the neighbors always be lookin at me like i'm all stank when i go outside barefoot in my hello kitty shirt and J's boxers to take the trash out or leave to put some gas in my car. fuck y'all. none of you whores are gonna do it for me. besides, it's what's underneath that counts. bitches.
*
when i take the dog to the vet, the folks there glare at me like they've got PETA on speed-dial just cause i drag that little evil dog in the place. it is not my fault she doesn't listen to me. if i have to drag her around and slap her butt a few times, then so be it. do not judge me. if her daddy wouldn't act like such a prick about getting dog hair all in his precious little escalade and take her to the place she was getting groomed before we moved, we wouldn't be having this eye-rolling contest. what they need to do is focus on getting that 1970s ass paneling out of that shit and spit-shine those damn floors. i'd be a lot more pleasant if they'd put that pink little bow on the top of her head, that she manages to pull off and chew up as soon as i get her in the car, like the other place does. for 90 seconds, she's cute as hell and i actually like her. then she bites my elbow and i'm so over that shit. he should've just gotten me a damn goldfish.
*
and then there's the old people at kroger. it's bad enough i have to deal with J pushing me all around him so he doesn't have to make any contact with them. but when i do, they always got something smart to say. motherfucker, i know i've got holes in my jeans. don't you worry about what i'm wearing. you had on that same dingy-assed muumuu last week when i was in here. get your geritol and be on your merry little way. oh shit, 10 cents off those grapes with my kroger card. J, you cannot be smacking me on the ass and yelling out "oooh, you've got some serious nip action going on there" every time we're in the freezer aisles. it is not my fault i have sensitive nipples and your drawing it to everyone's attention is not cute. that reminds me, we need some more whipped cream.
*
i'm so ready to be married and in a big ol' house where i can hire a bunch of people to do everything for me and not deal with the outside world. 5-10 years from now, all i have to do is sit poolside with my legs slathered in coco butter, wrapped in saran wrap so i don't get cellulite and stretch marks and tell the kids not to talk to mommy before 5 cause she's trying to look good for daddy and doing her kegel's cause you little bastards ruined her tight giney with your ginormous heads that come from daddy's genes; and you know mommy's gonna have to cut you if you interrupt her oprah time again. oprah is my god. praise the lord. rosalita! fix those kids some pb & j sammiches and put spongebob on! what the hell? where's my sangria?! dammit, you people know i can't function without my sangria! you don't understand what it's like to be me! oh my gawd, do i not pay you people enough?! all i wanted was a little me-time. do you want me to cry? oh, there's my flask! oh, how i've missed you! Us weekly is really getting on my nerves with this whole gay hollywood coming out nonsense. i mean, the men have always cleaned up better than most women. are you really that surprised?
*
i know people are reading this thinking 'this bitch is out of her damn mind'. i don't care though. THIS IS MY LIFE. this is shit i think about and go thru on a daily basis. i can almost understand why J is always threatening to throw me in a psych ward. i'm a little disturbed. but what he forgets is i'm a psych major and i know they only keep people in those things until they're "stable". stable is where they drug you until the symptoms you were brought in for have dissipated and they release with you a prescription for antipsychotics in tow. knowing the system as well as i do, i'd be back within a week terrorizing his ass. you cannot put me away and expect me not to come back without making your life hell. but if the dick is still as good as it is now, we could work something out. i be forgettin baby.

you gotta be remindin me.


p.s. britney spears totally looked like didi [cotton's wife] from king of the hill on that dateline interview.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:10 PM | |

friday night:
J took me to midtown cafe for dinner.
ridiculously expensive.
15 bucks for tuna that wasn't even that great.
the surf and turf was on point though.
almost orgasmic.
i know i complain a lot about J always wanting to take me to expensive places but i'd be so pissed if he didn't.
i'm spoiled.
wendy's keeps me satisfied for only so long.

after dinner, we went to see miami vice.
i was so not impressed.
i was visually captivated only three or four times and i couldn't understand a damn thing anyone was saying.
perhaps it was because i was slightly distracted/horny from all that wine i drank.
and with J grazing his thumb against my inner thigh, the juices were flowing.
he knew what he was doing.
one minute i was wondering if colin farrell reeked of old spice and wet garbage, and the next i was leaning over in J's lap, stroking his shaft and sucking him off.
i heart his peen.

tip: always buy candy that comes in a plastic bag, i.e. twizzlers. that way you can use the sound of the bag opening to drown out the sound of the zipper. ;)

after the movie, we went downtown to the hilton where J had surprised me with a lovely little suite he had all decked out with dozens of candles, flowers, champagne, and yummy desserts.
he's so romaaaantic. that's why i put out so much.
i kinda knew he was up to something cause his boss invited us to his lake house this weekend but J told him we wouldn't be able to make it.

so, we spent all of friday night til the wee hours of the morning in bed making some mad crazy love.
then, i realized we'd left the dog out before we left and started freaking out cause i knew that little fucker was back here destroying everything she could get her dirty little paws on.
but J had arranged for one of our friends to pick her up and doggysit for us while we were away.
i was like "awww, honey, you thought of everything. you're so much smarter than you look."
him: "i still have your panties on my head, don't i?"
me: "yep."

saturday, was more of the same with a little room service added to the mix.
the only time we really got out of bed was when we wanted to fuck in a different room.
we had our cellphones off and never left the suite.
no reason to.
we just stayed in each other's arms.
reflecting on our past, present, and future together; life in general.
enjoyed each other's nekkidness.
it was an unbelievably incredible weekend of us just being in love and free of responsibility.

now, we're back to reality.
mini-cujo is back but the lax mood is still in effect.
lots of snuggling and lounging around.
studying here and there.
playing with each other's naughty bits.

i'm actually looking forward to the month of august.
J doesn't have to work/intern anymore.
summer school's almost over.
then we get two weeks off to do whatever the fuck we want.
my last semester of the highly-overrated college experience begins.
and i have to really get the wedding planning into gear.
yay.

p.s. is it me or does burt bacharach look mildly retarded in that geico commercial?

p.p.s. lurkers, why do you lurk? seriously, i wanna know. tell me what the deal is cause i don't understand it. you come here every damn day but have yet to leave a single comment. are you waiting for some titty pics or something? i can tell you it's not gonna happen. any and all homemade porn is kept in a safe place away from creepy pervs like you.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:04 PM | |

my sister's slightly upset with me. her feelings are hurt cause i said we weren't very close growing up. we both know it's the truth but she said it was because i always acted like it was me against the world. that's how i felt though.

growing up, i always felt very misunderstood and out of place. my brothers and sisters were very obedient and well-disciplined. they'd do whatever they were told but i was the one to always question authority and eventually rebelled. i did [and still do] what i want.
conformity has never been my niche.

with there being 5 of us, the two boys paired up, the two older girls paired up, and then there was just me la-di-da-ing all by myself. so it was always me vs. them. when one of them got in trouble, someone would jump in and back them. i never had that and i was pretty much always in trouble. and i always stood alone.

they all had their one or two extracurricular activities they stuck with for years, meanwhile i was quitting or starting something new every other week.

i didn't even fit in with my family physically. my dad's latino but he looks white and my mom's mixed and very fair skinned. my brothers and sisters all turned out really light-skinned with dark brown curly hair and either light brown or green eyes and look a lot like my mom.
i was like the ugly duckling compared to them. dark hair, dark skin [compared to them], dark eyes.

my behavior, my view on rules and authority, my appearance. everything about me was just different.

as i got older, i was very much and still am delighted with my individuality but as a kid, people aren't very accepting of it. they were constantly getting praised for how reat they were at this and that, while people would look at me be like, 'she's so....different.'

i think that's what got me in a lot of trouble as a kid too. people made me out to be this badass, 'fuck-the-world' kid so i just gave 'em what they wanted. people need someone to talk about and i was that someone. instead of letting it defeat me, i used it to my advantage. even though i was always in trouble, i got away with so much shit just because it was expected of me.

i remember one time, i'd gotten really fucked up with some "friends" and i went home and discovered my flat iron wasn't in my bathroom. i knew my oldest sister had taken it cause she was a bitch like that. i went to my mom and started crying hysterically about her always taking my stuff without asking and i was tired of having to always share stuff with other people. my mom was tried to console me and said something like "you're supposed to share with them cause they're family" but that's not what i wanted to hear.

i figured with her being one of 6 kids, she'd understand my point of view and make my sister apologize and make her stop taking my stuff. but nope, i was told to suck it up and deal with it. so i took one of my dad's drivers and smashed everything in that whore's room and then i went to sleep. when my mom saw what i'd done, she smacked the shit out of me and told me to clean it up. i told her she and that bitch could kiss my ass and i left in my car and didn't come back until the next day.

you'd think after something like that i would've had someone's foot sticking out of my ass, but it was so typical of me to do shit like that, my mom and dad were just like 'whatever. let her have her little tantrum.'

i hated that so much. part of the reason i did a lot of the shit i did was to get them to discipline me and force me abide by their rules. i wanted to feel like they cared about me.

when i did feel like i was loved and wanted and someone cared for my well-being, it wasn't even from my own family. it was from J, hence the slightly frightening, unhealthy codependent relationship we have now.

whenever i hear kids complaining about their parent being too hard on them or punishing them for shit they've done, i wanna punch their fucking faces in. i would kill to have had that when i was growing up. when parents don't discipline their kids so they'll be the "good" or "cool" or "fun" parent, it just fucks kids up mentally. kids know when they've fucked up and deserve to have their asses handed to them. it's when parents don't do the parenting they're supposed to do, they create monsters like me.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:05 PM | |

hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....


i cannot fucking wait for this week to be over with.
J will be done with his internship which means he'll have more time to be my bitch we'll have more time to spend together.
yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

**

i just giggled.
and snorted.
i'm a dork.
but the fact that i'm too cute for words totally cancels out the dorkiness.

*****

i absolutely adore J's friends from his work, but i hate their girlfriends.
remind me to never fucking ever go out with them again.
ugh.

**

after last night's horrible outing, J and i had a drunken argument about prince and how he knows what doves sound like when they cry.
CAUSE HE'S PRINCE, MOTHERFUCKER!
and because i love him, i have that song streaming right now.

**

he also said doesn't like the women who read this stuff because you're all against him.
he doesn't understand why no one said anything about me being a crazy and fucked up child after i posted about my purdy little knife and mace making a special appearance the other day.
i told him cause it goes without saying but he thinks we're having secret meetings or some shit and i tell y'all to always be on my side or something of that nature.
i don't know.
we were drunk.
and then we fucked so i don't really remember what the purpose of that whole conversation was.

**

i find it quite entertaining to wake up and see J's penis glued to his stomach after a night of monkey sex.
but it's pretty fucking scary to wake up to his dude glued to my underarm/clavicle area.
i don't ever wanna experience that shit again.

*****

i've had a few people ask about how i make my avatars and AIM icons.
for the avatars, i just do screen shots of stuff, crop 'em and go here.
AIM stuff: just upload a pic here and it does pretty much everything.
again, hottness > dorkiness.

*****

i need a new hair color.
i've done the creme brulee, starry night, and currently: caramel kiss. [all feria]
what to do? what to do?

*****

i kinda wanna steal one of my neighbor's car.
i don't even like the car, it's just that he's so fucking annoying about the little piece of shit, i just wanna steal it to make him cry.
i guess he thinks because it's expensive, i'm supposed to be impressed or something.
when i'm outside by myself walking the dog or whatever, he'll come out and re-park his car just so i'll see him in it and know that it's his.
he's like 'look at me. i drive a BMW. NOTICE ME!'

first off, he's not even that cute.
secondly, he could own ten BMWs and i wouldn't give a damn.
third, it's pretty obvious i live with my man. why does he even bother trying to make me notice him and his little ugly car?
ugh.
guys are so fucking annoying sometimes.

*****

i'm kinda hungry.
maybe i should send my boy on a spicy chicken sammich and mcflurry run.
oh, the power of the pussy.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:30 PM | |

i'm tired.
it's like no amount of sleep is ever sufficient enough for me.
i wanna not spend so much time having sex but i can't.
for one, it's too damn good.
secondly, J says he could deal with once a day, but that's a goddamn lie.
all i have to do is touch him and he's ready to bone.

*

i think the reason i can't seem to shake this cold is because of the cort shots.
my immune system is fucking shot but at least i'm not in excruciating pain.
at least right now.
my doctor told me i'd be paralyzed before i'm 25 if i don't get it *fixed*.
whatthefuckever.

*

J's drunk.
he's pretty annoying when he's drunk.
like, right now he's outside singing yelling "ball of confusion".
too bad he doesn't know any of the words.
it probably would be really mean to lock him out.
but highly entertaining.
when he yells my name, it's like that scene in "a streetcar named desire" after stanley and stella fight, and stanley's outside yelling "STELLLLAAAAAA!"
except J's silly ass yells "MIMIIIIIIII"

when i lock him out, he'll start banging on the door, yelling my name.
LET ME IN!
MIMIIIIIIIIII!!
after about a minute of that he'll just press his body against the door, and with his face smushed up against the glass, "baby, baby, baaaaaaaabe. please let me in. you know i luh you."

*

i'm making a conscious effort to gain a little weight.
i'm starting to miss my semi-curvaceousness.
that's probably not a word, but who cares.
i'm really confused by J not saying anything about my current weight.
like, when i'm going thru a binge/purge cycle, he'll sit me down and talk to me about it, and when i've gained weight he'll say he likes it, but he's never said anything about my weight when i've been thinner than normal/usual.

*

my sister and nephew are coming up to visit me in a couple of weeks.
i'm so excited.
i haven't seen that whore and my little fat-fat in forever.
we were never really that close [even though she's only 2 years older than me] when we were growing up, but when she got knocked up we sorta kinda made up for lost time.
i loved rubbing her buddha belly whenever i was home visiting.
i think i just like her cause she's given me a nephew to spoil.
now, she's the one i always call when i wanna talk about getting married and having kids at a young age.
i still hate her husband though.

*

lady readers, have any of you tried john frieda's frizz-ease shampoo/conditioner?
i've been using the serum for a long time but i'm not sure if i'm ready to ditch my garnier sleek and shine yet.
but i am open to suggestions for any good shampoos/conditioners for the frizziness.
thanks in advance lovers.

*

i haven't read any blogs on a regular basis in a really long time.
i'm sorry, y'all.
i'm gonna try to get back into the groove though.
when summer's over.

*

summer.
bleh.
so overrated but i miss not actually having one.
no sleeping in.
no staying out all night every night.
no real vacation.
this growing up thing is not allit's cracked up to be.

*

i'm gonna try to have a hump day sex question up tomorrow but no promises.
days can be so hectic so i don't get a chance to post until late night.
i prefer having them up early in the day so my 9-to-5'ers have a chance to answer.
i don't know.
whatever.

*

i think that's it.
i'm sleepy.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:25 PM | |

i know i have a very strong personality. i've been through too much shit in my short, though seemingly long, life. anything less than strong would be inappropriate.

i'm opinionated and i'm not afraid to speak my mind. if someone's feelings gets hurt in the process, boofuckinghoo.
kleenexes are on aisle 5.
grab a box.

however, i feel like people misconstrue my forwardness and bluntness as me being a bitch.
the way i see it, i'm only a bitch when necessary.

if i've intentionally set out to hurt someone's feelings and make them cry like the little pussy s/he is, then yeah, i'm a bitch. but only in that particular situation.
shit like that doesn't happen that often anymore, though.
and i've never been a bitch to anyone without provocation.
i generally don't like people when i first meet them, but i'm not rude or mean unless you give me a reason to be.

that's why i've come to the conclusion it's not me.
it's them.
it's all of them.
85% women.
11.75% men
3.25% children.

i just know the first charge i catch is gonna be because some 12 year old fucked with me on the wrong goddamn day causing me to snap, ultimately leading up to me body-slamming that little fucker in the produce section of kroger, snapping his/her spine in 3 places. not that i've contemplated it or anything. i'm just sayin.

today's adventures are a perfect example of me being provoked causing SuperBitch to show her pretty and newly tanned face:

today, J and i went to panera for lunch. we sat outside since the temp hadn't reached 'satan's anus' yet. we're still enjoying each other's presence after having spent 3 whole days apart so we were engaging in some slightly inappropriate PDA. i had nothing to do with that boner. i just kept it alive and well. TEAM FORNICATION!

anyhoos, while we were being the annoying couple we are, some girl i do not know, or even care to know for that matter, comes over and says hey to J and pulls a chair over to our table. the whore sat her bulky ass down beside J and started talking to him like i wasn't even there. i'm thinking 'the fuck? i know this bitch sees me cause i'm sitting right here leaning on this man's shoulder with my arms wrapped around his, but she did not even acknowledge me. is she testing my gangsta?'

as J was about to speak, presumably to introduce me and let that bitch know how fucking rude she was, i put my hand up and was like "uh uh. let's rewind this shit and try it again."

that bitch looked and scoffed at me like i was a crackhead begging for change. so i grabbed my bag and took my knife and mace out and sat it on the table.

"mmkay, this is gonna happen one of two ways, either you get your ass up from this table, walk away, and come back and say 'hello' to the both of us, or i spray you with this mace and stab your ass a few times with this pretty little knife. i'd go with the former but it is your choice. i suggest you choose wisely."

apparently, she's smarter than she acts cause she chose to get her ass up but it didn't matter anymore cause i'd decided it was time for me and J to leave.

the point is, that entire situation could've been avoided had she not been a rude tramp. i am not casper the friendly ghost. i will hurt you.

i keeps it real.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:57 PM | |

my papa bear's home.
*happy dance*
yaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
i missed him so much.
the first hour he was home, he held me in those big sexy arms and told me how much he missed me.
then i got some dick.
that sumbitch knocked my uterus into my throat.
'twas lovely.
i loverz him.

*****

i was gonna do an audio post but when i played it back, i sounded like a 13 year-old boy who just hit puberty.
i squealed like 7 times.
and said "y'all' in pretty much every sentence.
just atrocious.
so yeah, that's a no-go.

*****

i was really fucked up last night. usually when i take percocet, the only thing it does is make me itch like a feening crackhead and slightly horny like the nympho i am. so i drank some wine hoping it would put me to sleep right away.

hell naw shawty.

the last thing i remember is laying on the couch, sending text messages to J and then getting pissed off cause he didn't wanna talk to me cause he was out having fun while i was home alone missing his punk ass. i threw the remote control at the dog and called her some names. after that, i don't know what the fuck happened. i woke up this morning on the kitchen floor with a sock on my hand and the dog spooning my head.

but you know what?
i don't even care.
cause my baby's back.
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

!!!!!

!!!

!

*****

while i was talking to my sister today, she asked me something about how i blogged. like, is there a method to my madness?

it's different for different bloggers.

some people set out to blog for an audience. i think they actually sit down and think 'hmmm, what will make these people, whom really shouldn't matter to me but do, like me and want to continue to come back to my blog cause i need to be liked by dozens of people who are hundreds and thousands of miles away from me.'
that's probably a bit extreme but i don't really give a fuck.

i blog for me. it's like writing in my journal. the theme changes as relationships and time progress. when i sit down here in my little chair with cumstains all over it, i just go with whatever's on my mind at that particular time. and bam. the lurkers who deserve to die a brutal death have something to keep themselves busy for 10 minutes or so.

whenever i catch myself blogging for an audience, that means it's time for a break. you bitches don't pay me enough for me to be thinking about how you're gonna react to what i write.
i like for y'all to not lurk and give your opinions about whatever i've written [it may take a little time, but i always comment back!] .but even if i had no readers, the content and style would be exactly the same.
what you see read is what you get.
if you like it, fine.
if you don't, move the fuck on.

i just don't understand the constant lurking. that's some disrespectful shit and you're not getting away with it here. i'm gonna keep posting screenshots of your stalkerish activity until you stop and bow down to a true pimp. that's how i roll.

but what's even worse than the lurking is when people a certain someone uses anonymouse to read my stuff. i know i've made it pretty clear that i don't like you, but that doesn't mean you have to try to hide the fact that you're still reading my shit. hell, you proved long ago you have the 'nads of a 5 year old but damn, it's a fucking blog. grow a pair.

*****

tomorrow's gonna be a long day so papa and mama bear are gonna spend the rest of the night practicing making baby bears.
did i mention i missed him like whoa?
cause i did.
very very much.
i'ma fuck 'im silly and lick his scrotum.
toodles!



*name that movie.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:53 PM | |

not much to report.
just keeping busy until the man comes back home.

in no particular order:
-ran around the house nekkid.
-watched purple rain 50 dozen times.
-pretended the closet door was a stripper pole. it is so not the same.
-washed and flat-ironed my hair.
-studied. i'm having the damnedest time remembering all of the names of these goddamn veins and arteries.
-cleaned. i SO want that swiffer vacuum but J's forbidden me from buying it.
-played with my toes.
-smoked some choke.
-ate a bag of twizzlers.
-bubble baths. yay bubbles.
-took some pictures of myself in a bikini. not before staring in the mirror for an hour poking at my fatness.
-got a mani and pedi; then got waxed.
-attempted to give the dog a bath but i ended up dropping that bitch off at petsmart.
-did a few loads of laundry.
-sniffed candles.

it's only been two days, but i feel like he's been gone forever. i get the worst case of separation anxiety whenever i'm in our bedroom. his scent is everywhere. at first i thought it was because i was wearing his tshirt but that shit is downy fresh. turns out that sumbitch sprayed the bedsheets with his cologne before he left. awwwwww. and he makes it even worse when he calls to tell me he misses me. he did, however, piss me off when he told me he was going to see clerks 2 with some folks when we had already made plans to see it when he got back.

ugh.

i was gonna change the template but that would require me sitting in one spot longer than i'd like so you're stuck with this shit for a while. i wanted to go clubbin but i've eaten a lot of watermelon today so i've been peeing every 5 minutes. i simply cannot use a public restroom. it's just not gonna happen. so i'm keeping my ass at home. alone. again. since i'm out of all the good drugs, i think i'm gonna take a coupla percocets, have a tall glass of pinot, and send dirty text messages to J.

be jealous.

ETA: why is it that you people who IM me always say something like "i thought you were gonna be a bitch"? i'm not that fucking mean, dammit!

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:56 PM | |

the man's gone for the weekend. i miss him so much already.
i'm gonna try to stay busy by partying my ass off studying for my lab practical to keep from moping around and whining about him leaving me.

i was thinking about cabbing it up to the city tonight to hang with my fags but the current weather says "fuck that shit". plus, i don't have any cash on me.

i've been told i'm an idiot for taking a cab so often when i have a car, but people don't realize i have no sense of direction whatsoever. add darkness to the equation and we have a situation on our hands. and please don't try to give me any shortcuts unless you plan on sending out a search party for me cause i guaranfuckingtee you i will get lost. i'm more than willing to pay a hundred bucks to get me to and from downtown than to end up gawd knows where and get violated by some toofless, homeless dude.

my other option is to make those hoes drive here but then i'd have to make food and those bitches never leave any leftovers.
but they do make fabulous sangrias and do my hair for free. i'm all about free stuff. i wouldn't have to worry about passing out and getting felt up either. it's pretty much the only time i get to be around a bunch of hot guys who love my legs and not have J flip his shit. [a little secret: J's kinda psycho]
but they make me watch gay porn and i don't think i wanna see any guy-on-guy action tonight. but we do talk about blowjobs and make fun of celebrities and that's always fun. [nicole kidman should be shot and skinned like the beast she's imitating].
but then they always turn on me for not worshipping madonna. it's not fun having a horde of gays yelling at you for saying that bitch is beyond overrated.

really, all i wanna do is watch a movie and cuddle with my man and annoy him off by trying to stuff popcorn up his nose. cause then he bites me and we wrestle and i grab his balls when he puts me in a headlock. then he pins me down and we do the nasty and go night-night.

FUCK.
i have to sleep alone.
i think i'm gonna cry.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:30 PM | |

i think i'm out of my little funk now.
i've gotten tons and tons of hugs and kisses and penetration from my man so all is well in the wonderful world of meems.

yesterday.
J left work early so he could pick me up as soon as class was over and take me to lunch and shopping.
i love shopping. i love J, obviously more than shopping but the two don't always mesh very well.
if we're shopping for him, everything is fine cause he shops like a girl. he doesn't just grab stuff and pay for it. he puts outfits together and tries them on. if it doesn't look right on him, he's not buying it. it's quite amusing to see the looks on other guys' and girls' faces when they hear him yelling for me to come into the dressing room with him to see how something looks. i love it. what girl doesn't want her man to want to look great?

i wish he was the same way with shoes though. i swear everytime i throw away a pair of birkenstocks, three more pair invade our closet. of course he has plenty of other shoes, but those birkenstocks are the ones i absolutely abhor and can't get him to stop wearing. but i digress.

when we're shopping for me? it's a completely different story. he is so not as compliant with me as i am with him. when we hit the 45 minute mark, he'll start whining and pulling at my leg like a 5-year old.

"come oooonnn."
"i'm ready to goooo."
"are you done yet?"
"you already have a pair of those jeans."
"i'm going to the car."

if i send him out in the store to get me something in a different size, he'll come back and tell me the store doesn't have it. if i have to go get it myself, i'll take even longer just to spite him. or i'll just let him come in the dressing room and give him a handjob to shut him up.
that's always fun.

so yesterday, to keep the whining to a minimum, we set a maximum time limit of an hour for both of us. since neither of us really saw anything we wanted, we were in and out in like half an hour.

we came home and lounged around for a bit and then stayed up all night studying for tests. i liked a&p 1 so much better than i'm liking a&p 2. i got to use J as my anatomical model. it made studying fun. especially when we got to the muscles. i got to molest the man for educational purposes and i got freakin A in the class.

now there's all this physiological stuff and it makes my head want to implode. there's nothing even slightly sexually appealing about endocrine reflexes or the heart's conduction system or capillary exchange. IT'S BORING.

*****

today.
we got our first tests out of the way. J's a nerd so he's sure he aced that shit. bitch.
i'm thinking high C/low B for me. i hate putting in a lot of effort in something only to see it not pay off where it really matters. that's probably the only reason why i never got upset about almost failing that class i had last session. i know i didn't put any effort into it so i couldn't blame anyone but me. i'm subconsciously trying to sabotage myself.

after class, i didn't wanna stay around campus and wait for J to leave work so i just took a cab home, cleaned a little, took the dog out, and had myself a 6-hour long nap. 'twas lovely. when i woke up, J was making dinner.

yaaaaaaaaayyyyy.
he made grilled lobster tail, salmon, and artichokes.
i LOVE grilled lobster tail, salmon, and artichokes.
they're yummy in my tummy.

i think it's really weird how J can cook anything on the grill and it'll be absolutely delicious but if you put his ass in the kitchen, he's gonna burn some shit up. it's not a wonderful sight [or taste]. i'm the exact opposite. i can't even turn on the grill but i can throw down in the kitchen [when i feel like it].

yeah, so we had a nice little dinner then snuggled on the couch and watched BB7 [why the fuck didn't they vote Diane out?] and shared a bowl of ice cream.

now, he's lighting some candles and putting on some nookie music. bubble bath anyone? i think he's gonna try to liquor me up so he can take advantage of me. i'm all for that shit. i hope not too much in the bath though.

water's a horrible lubricant.

*****

tomorrow.
he's leaving me.
on that midnight train to georgia.
to spend the weekend with his family in knoxville.
=(

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:20 PM | |

a reader/lurker recently emailed me to inquire about my ED and BDD.
i find it very peculiar that when i'm being asked about the bulimia people always always ALWAYS ask "how did it start. were you fat or something?"

no. i was the weight i was supposed to be but i was sucked into the evil world of cheerleading where i was constantly being told to lose more and more weight to be perfect. so i did.

when summer of 1999 began, i was a normal 13 year old girl with high self esteem who never once worried about her weight or what she looked like because i'd always had people telling me how pretty and perfect i looked. that summer ended with me having BDD and a new friend named "mia". technically, i don't have BDD because it's in conjuction with the ED but people like labels so i'm like the poster child for axes I and II of the DSM.

yay america.

land of the free, home of where disorders are made up so we can manufacture and market drugs that we KNOW alter your brain structure but are too money-hungry to study the long-term, detrimental effects they may have on a person.

oh how i digress.

so basically, i spent my entire high school career(?) battling an eating disorder and coke-addiction. the drug habit was easy to kick even though there are days i still crave that temporary release from reality. the eating disorder? not so much. for me, it has nothing to do with what the media says the "perfect" or not perfect body is. hell, they can't even make up their minds. one week nicole richie is to be idolized, the next week "how thin is too thin?" douchebags.

it's just what i see and don't feel comfortable with. i like being thin. i just don't go about it in a healthy way. sue me. don't get it twisted though. i don't wanna be nicole richie thin. that bitch is just nasty-looking. but i don't want love handles, a beer belly, and flabby thighs and arms. i feel disgusting when i'm over a certain weight. other people look at me and think i look fine but they're not me. they don't experience me as i experience myself. you see an almost-normal looking young woman. i feel my lard ass jiggle when i walk. it's not fun. it's something i'm probably gonna have to deal with the rest of my life. and i'm okay with that. i'm a lot more content when there's something wrong than when things seem fine.

chaos and distress is normal for me. it's familiar. i've had to deal with so much shit since i was a little kid that anything less scares me. it's evident in my relationship with J. when things are going great, i freak the fuck out and look for shit to stir up because baby jesus weeps when things are too peaceful with me. that aspect of this craziness is something i'm working on because it'll be my downfall, but i really don't know if i'll ever be able to change it.

that's why sometimes i feel like i'm not the person J should be with. i have too much shit going on inside me to be able to make someone else happy. i'm physically and mentally unhealthy. but on the flipside, being with him is so great for me because focusing on him makes me not think about other things that bring me down. if i'm gonna obsess over something, i'll always want it to be him.

that's almost creepy-sounding but i guess you'd have to really know me to understand what i'm trying to get across.

i'm all over the place today.
again.
go me!


p.s. i still have a passionate hatred for lurkers.



[ETA] p.p.s so-called captain bee, anonymouse does not work.


geez, even the lurkers have biggers balls than you.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:19 PM | |

i really hate encountering unfortunate-looking people with the esteem and confidence of a fucking supermodel. i don't like it.

you cannot look like fire marshall bill and act like you're matthew mcconaughey [ladies, i will not be at all surprised if your attention goes to somewhere other than his face].
it's not right. be fo reals yo.

i think it's great to view yourself in high-regard, but others may not see what you see. cause let's face it, physical appearance is important. that's the first thing you notice about someone. you can have all the personality in the world but it won't make up for you looking like a wookie with fetal alcohol syndrome.

i love to hear some of J's friends talk about how they can nail any hot chick on any given day with some lame pickup tactic with no problem whatsoever. oh, and when they talk about these standards they have for women. it's classic cause everyone knows all they're banging are butterfaces cause there's no way in hell they could nab anyone that meets all of their qualifications without there being no drugs and/or alcohol involved.

i've seen it on a few blogs too. men and women thinking they're these gorgeous sexual beasts and then you see a picture of them it's like, "who the fuck told you you were cute? whomever it was needs to stop lying. it's not funny."

so i wonder, do these less-fortunate looking people keep a paper [or plastic] bag handy and tell the person they wanna fuck they'll put it on to make the sexual encounter bearable for the other person? cause you know they're only gonna look ten times uglier when the sex faces come out. i think they do and they leave that part out when they're bragging about their latest sexual conquest.

yes, i'm that shallow.

i know i wouldn't be able to get away with half of the shit i do if i wasn't so damn pretty. it's just a fact. ugly people can't get out of a ticket just by crying. when's the last time you saw an ugly person get a free meal at a nice restaurant? no one ever makes the pretty bitch hold the purses on girls night out. it just doesn't' happen.

pretty people get privileges that ugly people only dream of.

i am so superficial.
oh wells.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:37 PM | |

-mountain dew + hot cheetos
-stunners
-red koolaid
-twister: the hot spot.
-throwing pennies at people
-running with scissors
-hot bitches
-cloves [djarum black]
-walking through the taco bell drive-thru at 2am
-brutal breakdowns
-J's new smell-goodness: Bvlgari
-southern accents
-sweaty, carnal sex. howling optional.
-crude humor
-body shots
-the occasional show
-smoked turkey wings
-mix cd's
-inside jokes
-bourbon
-oversized hoodies. preferably my man's.
-fingerbangs
-chyeah boooooyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeee
-gangsta walkin
-flaming fags
-that purple stuff
-dancing nekkid
-mani/pedi day
-beauty in its simplest form
-old school nintendo
-itty bitty vintage band tees
-balanced checkbooks
-movie nights
-no tanline
-raging boners and wet gineys
-lunch @ the bistro
-rice krispies
-mac n cheese. my way.
-the good memories
-cleanliness
-making love under the stars
-current mood
-making up words
-remembering dreams
-chanel.
-candlelit dinners
-MCFUCKINFLURRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-not going to class. like yesterday and today.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:30 AM | |

well, that talk didn't quite turn out how i expected.
there i was pouring my heart out, trying to let the man move on with his life, but he didn't accept the breakup.
i don't know if it was because i was slightly inebriated and he didn't understand anything i was saying because i was crying and talking like i had a fistful of shit in my mouth but his response to the whole thing was "i love you but you make me wanna choke the shit out of you sometimes. just because i don't feel like being bothered with you doesn't mean i don't wanna be with you. it means you get on my damn nerves and i need space. "

that's fine.
we all need space. but give me some kind of heads up.

"hey, i'm gonna be an asshole the next few days. i'm gonna yell at you. i'm gonna ignore you. and i'm gonna try to fuck you soon after and get pissed when you don't put out. but don't worry, nothing personal. it's my own little version of PMS."

it's not that difficult to warn a bitch. afterall, we do live together.
but nooooo, instead he acts like a prick and sets off all of my insecurities.
it's quite lovely.

right now, i have this big clusterfuck of thoughts and emotions rushing through me.
some of them have some merit but looking at the big picture, it's shit that really shouldn't overwhelm me the way it does. but no matter how many times i tell myself it's stupid and there's no reason for me to think such thoughts, it'll always be there just taunting me.

i want new memories.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:06 AM | |

facebook is like myspace.
for the unfortunate-looking.
fo reals.

*

my uterus hurts.
and not in a good way.
it's like i'm on my period but not.
i got cramps and and shit but there's no leakage down under.
that's all fine and dandy but it does me no good if i still gotta walk around with a heating pad tucked in my granny pannies.

*

i think i'm still sick.
the squirts are gone and i can actually eat now, but i've got a nasty cough that refuses to go away.
my smoking probably isn't helping much.
oh wells.
i've lost a lot of weight too.
it's pretty disgusting and almost disturbing.
i haven't been a size zero in a long time.
i like it.
familiarity is comforting.

*

J's been mad at the world the past few days but he won't tell me what's wrong.
i'm almost at a point where i don't even care because i'm so tired of having to fight with him.
i don't have the energy to do it anymore.
being with him takes so much out of me.
a year ago i would've said he's worth it but lately i've been asking myself if being with him is worth losing my sanity.
i'm so consumed with our relationship that i haven't a single ounce of autonomy left.
everything i say or even think is in terms of me and him.
never just me.
my life really does revolve around him in the unhealthiest way imaginable.
and i feel like the only reason he won't let me go is because of how unstable i am.
honestly, i'd be far and beyond devastated but i'd much rather us not be together if it meant he'd be happy and with someone he didn't feel obligated to be with.


this is not good.
i'm having a pseudo-period, listening to al green, and thinking about leaving the love of my life.
i think i need some jack daniels and a valium.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:40 PM | |

tired.
fever.
chills.
body aches.
no voice.
i'm not throwing up every 5 minutes though.
i got ass vomit this time around.



i hate summer.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:28 PM | |

don't you hate it when someone yells at you to get in the car when they're actually the reason you're late? that sumbitch is lucky i don't have the energy to throw anything at him.

hump day sex question: what are your feelings/thoughts about your significant other masturbating?

the reason i ask is because i recently had a coversation with a young woman about masturbation in general and she said she hates when her boyfriend masturbates because she feels like he doesn't need her. i think that's pretty stupid but i'll elaborate more on that when i get home this afternoon.

smooches!


p.s. i'm pretty sure my immune sytem hates me.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:10 AM | |

this blog gets me in trouble a lot.

J says i make him look like an asshole and i never tell the whole story about things.
i don't make him look like anything. he does that all by himself.
and i tell my side of things. if he doesn't like it he can kiss my ass and start his own goddamn blog.

this is my shit.

he was like "you never write about the fucked up shit you do. it's always the stuff i do that plastered all over the internet."

i'm pretty sure it's clear to everyone that i'm the fucked up one [if not, trust me. i am] and he just deals with it cause he loves me cause he has some undiscovered mental disorder; also, i only have like 25-30 regular readers now. that's like 10% of what i had with version 1 of this crap.
he should be happy or STOP READING MY DAMN BLOG.
dickwad.

so yeah, he was really upset that i referred to a possible uh-oh as an "unwanted uh-oh".

what i meant: i would be beyond ecstatic about having a baby now and J probably would not be as happy. he's made it pretty clear he doesn't wanna start having mini-J's and me's until at least one of us is out of school.

what he thought i meant: J does not want any kids EVER so if i'm pregnant he wants nothing to do with it or me.

just more proof that men are idiots.
either they read too much into something or they don't get anything at all.

although the same could probably be said about women, this is my blog and we only bash women when they fuck with me at the club.

so from the time J got home from work yesterday until 5 this morning, we were talking about that one goddamn sentence i typed out and published on this damn blog. you'd expect that to be something i had dragged on relentlessly. but no, someone spiked his coffee with estrogen again and made him have feelings and want to talk about them.

it was the same shit over and over and over and OVER AGAIN. i'm always up for those types of discussions where we get everything out and make sure we're both on the same page even if it is just repeating the same thing to make sure the other understands what we mean, just not when we have to get up in less than hour to get ready for school and work.

i am not a pleasant person when i don't get an adequate amount of sex and sleep. now, some will argue it doesn't matter how much sex or sleep i've gotten for me to be a bitch but they can suck my right ass cheek. i'm a helluva lot more nice when i get some dick and a couple hours of sleep than nothing at all.
it's just a fact.

since i wanted to be semi-bearable on the first day of class, i just fucked him while he was driving to campus.

he's happy.
i'm happy.
two birds.
one stone.

gotta love it.

NAP TIME.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:58 PM | |

first and foremost, if you're coming here from captain bee's blog, leave.
fuck off.
and don't come back.
kthanksbye.

*

they should sell influenza in a pretty little pink vile and market it as a weight loss treatment.
i can't fit any of my jeans now.
it' pretty sweet for a chick who's very obsessive over her weight.

*

i'm one tan away from being the same color as my hair.
fo reals.
[i fiddled with the pic a little bit [cropped and sharpened], but you get the idea]

*

second session of summer school starts tomorrow.
i'm not looking forward to it.

*

i just watched 6 seconds of some gay asian porn.
i'm intrigued.
slightly appalled, but very much intrigued.

*

i think J and i may have made an uh-oh.
even though i was still taking the pill regularly while i was sick, i threw up so much i don't think it really had time to get into my system to do what it do.
we've had sex several times and he's only pulled out maybe twice.
yeah....

*

i'm twenty seconds away from freaking the fuck out.
not because there may be an uh-oh, but because it's an unwanted uh-oh.
it hurts my heart.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:59 PM | |

i love it when we have senseless, yet heated arguments*. we know how to push each other's buttons and get the other's blood boiling. the best part though, is immediately after the fight's over. we're over the dispute but we're both so riled up, there's only one way to calm us down:

crazy-good makeup sex.

he'll take me into his arms, we kiss passionately and rip each other's clothes off. then he turns me around, holding my wrists behind my back with one hand and lightly pulling my hair with the other, and bends me over. after a few minutes of pounding me fast and hard, he turns me back around to face him.

there's the slow, intense, almost carnal love-making. the eye contact, body caressing, the intimacy. i get so caught up in the moment, all i can do is cry. as he wipes my tears away and apologizes endlessly, i forget why we were even fighting just moments before.



i love that man.


*today's stupid fight: why i always unplug his stupid xbox right in the middle of a game.
cause i feel like it, duh.
plus, he doesn't pay me enough attention when he has it on.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:45 PM | |

i hate being sick.
it sucks.
being sick when you're an adult is so not as fun as when you're sick when you're a kid.
when you're a kid, you get special treatment only a mom knows how to give.
hugs and kisses.
homemade tomato soup.
the price is right.
why isn't bob barker dead yet?
that nigga's gotta be pushing 150.

being sick now, just fucking blows.
if someone even looks at me i'm like, 'ugh. why are you alive?! go play with a spitting cobra or something. JUST FUCKING DIE!'

i'm better now though thanks to my more than amazing boyfrance taking such great care of me.
i'm so lucky to have him.
i'm 99.999% sure there's no one else out there that loves me enough to put up with my shit like he does.
that .001% is for paul walker and becks.
i will suck those bitches dry and they'll love me forever and ever.
i guess i just have a thing for the pretty blonde ones.
which i think is really weird cause they're so not my type.
i'm pretty sure if J and i didn't know each other and met randomly on the street, i wouldn't give him the time of day.
i wouldn't wanna be with someone who's just as pretty as me and/or uses just as much if not more product than me.
sorry babe. you know i luh you. if you'd stop holding out on me none of that would've ever come out.
I'M NOT that SICK ANYMORE!

shit, i haven't gotten any dick in like 4 days.
it ain't right.
i'll take "vuhjayjay abuse" for $1000, Alex.

i think the thing that sucked the most about being sick is not being able to do all the stuff around the house i usually do.
i had to relinquish my domestic diva controls to J.
he tried really hard to do everything the way i do, but he didn't.
from an objective standpoint, everything was fine.
he cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, and made sure all the rooms were in order.
he washed and folded the laundry [after i wrote directions down and told him five or six times how to do it].
he even vacuumed the way i do.
but for me it still wasn't right cause i didn't do it.
i wanted so badly to get up and just do everything myself but i couldn't cause everytime i even thought about moving i would have muscle spasms or throw up.
oh yes, 'twas quite lovely.

i did feel bad about him not going camping with his friends.
i told him to go but he's pretty abnormal.
example: because i was so sick, i didn't wanna sleep in our bed and risk him getting sick too so i slept on the couch downstairs.
instead of taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep in that big ol' bed by himself, this sumbitch got a pillow and a blanket and slept on the floor next to me.
part of me was like "awwww, i'm gonna have his babies."
but then i was like, "you idiot. you don't get that many chances to have a night without me gripping your waist with my legs so i know every move you make while we're sleeping, thus making it difficult for you to move even an inch. when opportunity knocks, you open the damn door!"
i got over it though.
it would've really sucked to not have him near me when we're in the same freakin house and i felt like crap so i would've whined and made him do it anyway.
i'm nice like that.

oh yeah, i didn't fail that class after all.
the only reason i lost so many points was because that douche always marked me absent when he took attendance.
i was never absent. just always late and that whore never changed his stupid roll.
so yeah, i got most of those points back and aced (?) the final so i got a B overall.
and an A in the other class.
i guess i won't be losing that scholarship afterall.
although, it would've given me a reason to not go back to school in the fall.
darn the luck.

this post is just a big clusterfuck of nothingness.
typical.


why is the damn music not playing?

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:10 PM | |

the body aches, fever, nasty cough, and vomiting say its the flu.
i so lucky.
yes i is.

our 4th of july festivities were pretty chill.
i wasn't feeling so great so it was just me and my baby hanging out.
he spent the morning in the bathroom with me holding my hair back as my innards became my outards.
although i've been bulimic for almost 8 years, i've never been a fan of vomiting.
it's not fun.

i was embarrassed by J watching me blow chunks so i kept trying to make him leave by saying stuff like "the kitchen's on fire! go put it out!" and "the dog totally took a shit in your shoes. you should go beat her."
he wouldn't leave though.
so finally i just yelled at him and he was like "no, you're sick. i'm gonna stay here, hold your hair, rub your back and take care of you until you're better so stop trying to make to leave. i'm not going anywhere."

that's love right thurr.

by noon i was feeling better compared to the morning so i laid out while J grilled some some steaks and burgers and wieners.
oh my!
we watched the world cup.
he watched for the actual game.
i watched for the men.
i love soccer players.
they have the sexiest legs.
i think that's why i hump J's legs all the time.
soccer legs are so humpable.

by sunset, J started up again with his fireworks.
maya and i stayed inside where it was safe.
i don't know why i didn't think to take pictures of that boy running around like a maniac.
it was hilarious.
the dog was lost her damn mind too.
the noise scared the bejeezus out of her.
she didn't know what the fuck was going on sp she was ran back and forth and around in circles all across the house.
she loves her daddy so much she's beginning to act like him.

that dog is an idiot.
fo reals yo.
when i go out back to smoke, she actually comes out with me to lick the smoke in the air instead of staying in the house and away from the smoke like a normal dog should.
but i digress.

later, we pulled the papasan outside so we could snuggle and watch the nearby U's fireworks show from our backyard.
even though i felt like crap, i was really happy J and i were alone together and got to share an intimate [nonsexual, you pervs] moment without any interference.

*****

today, we played hooky.
i really wasn't feeling too well this morning so he didn't go to his morning class and called in so he could stay home and take care of me.
he made soup and bought me some cough drops and medicine.

RIIIICOLAAAAAA!
sorry.
i couldn't resist.

have i mentioned how much i fucking love that man, lately?
i do.
he makes my heart go 'boom boom boom'.

i've pretty much slept the whole day and he's been studying.
that's something i should be doing.
we've got finals tomorrow.
i know he's gonna do great.
me?
not so much.
oh wells.
i'm so over this whole college thing.
i'm ready to be barefoot and pregnant.

we're supposed to go camping(!) with some friends this weekend.
i think it may just be J though.
i feel like a pile of wet doodoo feces.
even though i don't like it when he leaves, it'll be good for him.
he likes all that nature shit.
plus, he'll get a chance to see his grandmother.
that bitch wears on holy water "the dirty negra girl" [that's meeeeee!] is keeping him from seeing her so he needs to shut the old evil wench up before a nice little syringe filled with air and i drive across the state to pay her a special visit.

i'm tired.
my body's weary.
forget studying.
i'm gonna take some medicine and have some psychedelic sex with my man.
it may say "nyquil" on the label but you know that shit is just some legal LSD.

word to your mother.



p.s. the song streaming now is the song [more specifically, the hook] J has assigned to me so he knows it's me calling his cell. of course he could just look at the i.d but that's too easy.

i luh him.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:11 PM | |

my back hurts.
i guess i shouldn't be surprised though.
i was told this shit would get progressively worse over the next few months if i didn't get it treated aka have someone cut me open and put artificial devices in my back.
maybe i should try acupuncture.
i've heard good things about it.

**********

after some pillow talk, J and i made up last night.
it was really a big misunderstanding on his part.
i said we hadn't set a date because J's not ready to get married.
what he heard was "we haven't set a date because J doesn't want to marry me."

proof that men hear whatever the hell they wanna hear.

after some ego-stroking, among other things, everything's cleared up.
yay for us.

**********

i've been eating healthier for a few weeks now.
i seem to do better with it when it's on my terms rather than having someone forcing to stick to some kind of strict regiment to get me where i should be.
i think i've gained a little weight.
i'm okay with it right now.
tomorrow could be a different story though.

**********

i'm so over summer.
i find absolutely nothing appealing about 90+ degree weather.
sure, the tan is fabulous but hell, i'd use a bronzer year-round for the rest of my life if it meant i'd never have to deal with this summer heat ever again.

**********

the readers who email and/or IM me absolutely awesome.
y'all remember the most random shit.
i also love it when people about the blowjob post but always say the inquiry is for a "friend".
it tickles me pink.

that kid who i told i was a porn star after buying a shitload of condoms?
yeah, i ran into him last week and totally forgot to blog about it.
after some idle chitchat, he told me he's spent a year thinking i really was a porn star.

all the porn i've ever made was homemade and i've destroyed pretty much all the physical evidence.
so if anyone ever asks, i don't know what the hell you're talking about.
that's my answer and i'm sticking to it.

**********

shopping with the moms today was hell on earth.
for six hours they had me walking in stores and driving all over the metro area.
while i enjoyed being spoiled with lots and lots of nice things, they did not have to yell at me while i was chauffeuring their asses around.
they know i'm sensitive.

i did have a special little moment with Mama M.
while in cache, we saw one of her old friends and she introduced me as her daughter-in-law.
i almost cried happy tears.

they left a short while ago.
there's supposed to be a storm headed towards memphis, and eventually here, so they wanted to get back before it hit.
i'm almost sad they're gone so soon.
almost.

**********

i tried to steal a cheesecake while we were having lunch.
those sumbitches had that cart thingy loaded with all kinds of cheesecakes sitting next to me.
i went into this trance-like state and was like "oooooh, i want that."
right when i was about to grab one and slip it in my purse, that stank bitch wheeled the thingy away.
that's okay though.
i gots me some leftover peach cobbler in the fridge.
bitches.

**********

would it be wrong for me to plan to lose or slightly damage my engagement ring some time next month just because a tiffany's is gonna be opening up in the mall around that time and i kinda sorta want a bigger ring now?

i love the ring i have now.
i really do.
it's just that the spoiled little brat in me has been re-awakened thanks to my mom being here.
right now i'm the more humble and cheap bitch.
spoiled meems is not one to be fucked with.

she kicks, screams, and bites.
not in a good way either.

**********

i'm beginning to get annoyed with a person i don't particularly like linking to me.
that's where most of the bitch ass lurkers are coming from.
i wish they'd all go choke on a sick dick.

**********

the rest of you's have a safe and happy 4th.
remember, light the fuse and RUN THE FUCK AWAY!
don't just stand there next to the damn thing or hold it in your hand [like a certain someone i know will] and then wonder why the fuck you're on fire.
common sense, people!

p.s. boston lurker, i see your ass.

Labels: my love, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:27 PM | |

i had a really great time last night.
hanging out with the fags at the gay club.
NOT getting hit on by dumbasses with gold teeth who say shit like "Ay shawty, what cho name is?"

i had to cut the outing a little short though cause J wanted me to come home.
i wish i'd have had a camera on me when i walked in.
the hairs on his head were sticking up because for the entire two and half hours i was gone, he was in the living room pacing and pulling his hair.

i miss him like crazy when he's gone but i don't touch the hair.
that's another topic for antoher day though.

*****

this morning, we woke up and sluggishly laid in bed for an hour and a half.
just breathing on each other's skin, taking the other in.
after a quick shower, we walked the dog around the 'hood.
we waited around for the parentals to call and let us know they'd checked in the hotel.
it was supposed to be J's parents and my mom and some guy she's screwing but only the moms came.
i was really looking forward to making that dude cry but oh wells.

we met up with them for brunch at the cheesecake factory.
that all went over pretty well.
we got the usual shit: how's school, when are we taking graduate exams, are we eating right [that one was more directed at me], yadda yadda yadda.

Mama M [J's mom] asked if we'd set a wedding date yet.
i said no.
when she asked why, i said because J's not ready to get married and told them about J breaking up with me because he thought i was gonna try to get knocked up and trap him or whatever.

he got pissed.
for the rest of the time we were there, he just glared at me.
as soon as we got in his car, he cussed me out like a step-child.
i let him have that one because i knew the only reason he was mad was because i said what we both know.
it wasn't even worth arguing about.
i mean, there are/were other reasons we hadn't set a[nother] date but that whole incident last week just pretty much sealed the fate of our engagement.
it's gonna be a long one.

i would love to marry J tomorrow but he's not ready for that next step.
he says otherwise but i'm the smart one here.
he's come a long way from the selfish asshole i started dating 3 years ago but he's still got a little bit more of growing up to do before we jump the broom.

anyhoos, after brunch, the moms followed us home.
the first thing out of my mom's mouth?
"okay, what have you two not had sex on? i don't want anyone's bodily fluids but my own touching me."

she thinks she's sooooo fuckin funny.
what she doesn't know is yesterday J and i boned on that lounger her little prissy ass was resting oh-so-comfortably in today.
bitch.

so yeah, after the little tour of the place, they pretty much decided they were gonna replace every piece of furniture we have and re-decorate everything.
i really wanted to cuss them out but that's my mom and she'll hit me.
and i've been on J's mom's good side too long to fuck it up now so i just bit my tongue.

then those hoes put me out of MY kitchen so they could cook.
literally.
my mom walked up on me while i was pouring myself some kool-aid, pushed me, and told me to go sit my little narrow ass down so she and Mama M could cook.
i like being fed and all but that ain't cool.
she's lucky i like her macaroni and cheese or we would've been some fightin' bitches up in hurr.

they made pot roast, mac and cheese, sweet n sour green beans, cornbread, and peach cobbler.
there was something else but i can't remember what it was.
J probably ate it all like he does everything else.

after they fed us, they went back to the city to wander around and shop.
i know they talked shit about me.
they always do.
i don't appreciate that shit.
i do hope they bought me furniture though.
that i would love.
i'm not really looking forward to having them here tomorrow though.
i only like them in small doses.

*****

i think J's still mad at me.
he hasn't copped a feel since this morning.
i'm pretty sure that's a record of some sort.
it won't last too much longer though.
i'm sleepy and we have a rule about not going to bed mad at each other.
so one of two things is about to happen.
either
we're gonna talk about, kiss, fuck and make up, and go night-night
or
no one's getting any sleep tonight.
i'm hoping for the former.
it's a lot nicer.

p.s. i haven't forgotten, bitches.




and just cause i feel like it:
1a, 1b, 1c,
2
3

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:22 PM | |

i heart saturdays.
mornings are always spent laying in bed, eating 816,422 bowls of cereal and watching cartoons.
and if we're up early enough, old school power rangers.

i've spent most of the afternoon cleaning and getting the place parental-ready.

i was hoping to have new living furniture, as it is not child-friendly, but J's been a douche about going shopping with me.

a while ago, we decided to take advantage of our neighbors being away by having sex on the patio.
'twas lovely.

oh yeah, he told me to tone down the sex stuff.
apparently, it's TMI.
since when do i care about that shit?
he's lucky i like him.

i think i'm gonna make some strawberry daiquiris and go get cancer lay out now.


behave kiddies!

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:18 PM | |