facebook is like myspace.
for the unfortunate-looking.
fo reals.

*

my uterus hurts.
and not in a good way.
it's like i'm on my period but not.
i got cramps and and shit but there's no leakage down under.
that's all fine and dandy but it does me no good if i still gotta walk around with a heating pad tucked in my granny pannies.

*

i think i'm still sick.
the squirts are gone and i can actually eat now, but i've got a nasty cough that refuses to go away.
my smoking probably isn't helping much.
oh wells.
i've lost a lot of weight too.
it's pretty disgusting and almost disturbing.
i haven't been a size zero in a long time.
i like it.
familiarity is comforting.

*

J's been mad at the world the past few days but he won't tell me what's wrong.
i'm almost at a point where i don't even care because i'm so tired of having to fight with him.
i don't have the energy to do it anymore.
being with him takes so much out of me.
a year ago i would've said he's worth it but lately i've been asking myself if being with him is worth losing my sanity.
i'm so consumed with our relationship that i haven't a single ounce of autonomy left.
everything i say or even think is in terms of me and him.
never just me.
my life really does revolve around him in the unhealthiest way imaginable.
and i feel like the only reason he won't let me go is because of how unstable i am.
honestly, i'd be far and beyond devastated but i'd much rather us not be together if it meant he'd be happy and with someone he didn't feel obligated to be with.


this is not good.
i'm having a pseudo-period, listening to al green, and thinking about leaving the love of my life.
i think i need some jack daniels and a valium.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:40 PM | |