i talked to my grandpa this morning.
it was quite interesting.

when i was younger, i used to love being at my grandparents house because there was always something to do. there's over 30 acres of land filled with dozens of farm animals, two huge ponds we'd go swimming or fishing in, and veggie gardens everywhere. it was like our own little private zoo.

during the winter months, my younger brother and i would fight over who's turn it was to ride with my grandpa on his tractor to take bells of hay out to the pasture.

when it was time to take one or two of the cows out for slaughtering, i was out there with the big boys when they'd kill the 'em. i actually watched cows get shot in the head and their throats slit so the blood could drain out. and i thought it was so awesome and couldn't wait to see it again.

i used to catch chickens for pawpaw and watch him chop off their heads and watch the little carcasses run around in a circle afterwards. that shit was hilarious to me. i was like, 'wooooo! dead stuff! yeah!'

i helped skin a pig once. that i actually didn't enjoy because it smelled so bad.

I ATE RABBITS AND DEER! i know i used to get on that man's nerves cause every time i saw him, i'd ask "pawpaw, when we gon' have some rabbit again.'

now, today, you couldn't pay me to do that shit. not without having some serious psychotherapy afterwards. well, that rabbit meat is delicious with some biscuits and gravy, but i wouldn't be a part of the actual killing of the rabbit now. and i couldn't eatbambi now. it's just cruel.

but i think that's the image of me my grandad still has, his little country girl. so this morning, we were talking and i was asking him had he took his morningmeds and to check his blood sugar and all that stuff and he started telling me about three of his cows having calves a day after the other and one of the bulls jumping the fence and all this other stuff.

i'm used to him ignoring everything i tell him health-related and him just going on a tangent about his animals, but it's still so trippy because he's never acknowledged me growing up.

so, i'm laying in bed and he's telling me all this stuff about having to pull one of the calves out of it's mommy because she was having a difficult labor. J wakes up and rolls over onto me with his raging boner, starts kissing my neck and says "mornin' babydoll" and my grandad stops in the middle of whatever he's saying and goes "what man's voice is that i heard?"

not thinking it was a big deal, i was like "pawpaw, that's just J."

that man shot the fuck off.

"girl, what you got that man up in that house with you for? you got 'em all up in ya bed? you don't need to be living with no man. kids these days, i tell you the truth."

and it's so funny because 1) his grammar is so horrible, and 2) he knows J and how long we've been together and 3) i'm 20 years old.

in his eyes J grew up, but i didn't. i'm still the little 9 year old running around chasing chickens for him and fighting with my little brother to ride on his tractor.

to get the man off the phone, i had to lie and tell him i had to get ready for church cause it definitely wasn't the time for him to find out i don't believe in god anymore.i'm almost positive he would've had a heart attack or a stroke or both had he heard that bit of information.

and J's simple ass was still on top of me grinding, trying to get some and i'm like 'dude, do you have any idea what you've just done?'

within the next hour, i got about 20 phone calls from family members, including my mom, asking me what the hell did i do cause my grandad has called them and cussed them out because J and i live together. i don't even know how half of thosenegroes got my number.

i think what really pissed everyone off, was me not being apologetic about it. what the fuck do i have to apologize for? the old man being stuck in his ways? for living with the man i love and plan to marry? for living my life the way i want to?

hell the fuck no. they'll find osama's dingy ass before that shit happens.

it's like the shit with my dad happening all over again.

i don't even care. they can all kiss my ass and choke on a fat one.

it wasn't that long ago in history where 12, 13, and 14 year old little girls were married off to much older men because you couldn't have two menstruating females living under the same roof. but today, an adult woman living with someone she loves and is in a monogamous relationship with, but not married to, is wrong. it'ssoooo un-christian. you're going to hell for that.

christianity can bite me.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:11 PM | |