do i know you?

i'm not drunk yet, but i will be in the very near future.
cause that's how i roll.
i don't plan on getting as wasted as i was last night.
i was prepared last night though.
i didn't wear heels so when i fell off that table, i was able to land on my feet without breaking my ankles.
i know you envy my cat-like reflexes.
i can't say the same about walking into that glass door though.
that shit hurt.
windex should be illegal.

i'm pretty sure J and i had some carnal sex last night too.
when i woke up, hoohoo was hurting and his dick stuck to my inner thigh.
it wasn't cute.
it looks like an accordion when it's not hard.

i want a stripper pole.
i'd be a great stripper.
i don't think my boobs are big enough though.
i like my boobs.
they're cute and perky and mine.
booty booty booty booty rockin everywhere!
i hate that song.
have you held your boobs today?

J and i have known each other for 13 years now.
that's a really long time.
we didn't really like each other the first few years of knowing each other.
i like him now though.
a lot.
he's my bestest.
the love i have for him can't be described with words.
i'ma kick his ass for stealing my poptarts though.
i don't steal his food.
well, there was this one time we were back home and went to catfish cabin.
i stole his hush puppies when he wasn't looking and made him think he ate them.
those things were good.

the dog has gas.
i think something's wrong with her innards cause we've changed her food twice and it hasn't helped.
i bet our neighbor's dog has really bad gas.
that thing's sole purpose in life is to eat all the other dogs' crap.
that can't be healthy.

i want some cake.
i'd bake one but J might decide to go all ike turner on me again.
my hair looks too cute for that shit.

i have a severe dislike for people who take it upon themselves to point out i'm wearing sunglasses at night.
thanks for stating the obvious, dickface.
don't be jealous cause i'm more awesome than your entire life.

i haven't beat up any bitches in a while.
i miss it.
i don't really like fighting but when it does happen, it makes my heart grow 3 sizes bigger.
cause i'm the grinch, bitch.
awww i can't wait for christmas.
that's the only time they ever show that cartoon.
cindy lou who is my favorite.

okay, so i just watched that kevin federline character perform on some awards show.
shit, i just wanted to see dane cook's fine ass.
you will now suffer as i have.
i'm streaming "popzao" now.
i think it's funny cause i don't understand shit he's saying.
for reals, i think he's making up words.
that's why you should stay in school, kids.
stay in school.
and don't get knocked up by him.
something's wrong with his sperm.
all of his offspring look like they're thisclose to having down syndrome.

J's gone to taco bell.
if he weren't planning on drinking, i'd have no complaints about this but
alcohol + taco bell = a misunderstanding
he better not ask me to rub his belly.
i'm not doing that shit tonight.
ya know, he was really appalled when i told him how his balls are gonna start sagging once he hits 30.
he said he's gonna botox them sumbitches.
i don't think he was joking either.

it's almost time for a refill of this ghetto concoction i've come up with.
it's like 1/5 blue koolaid, 1/5 of patron, and 3/5 vodka.
spell check is my friend and i have fuzzy handcuffs.
be jealous.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:19 PM | |