i had a doctor's appointment this morning.
a lower back pain specialist.
i only went cause J wanted me to and the doctor moved rescheduled other patients to see me.
it was a fucking waste of time.
all he did was feel me up with his old, cold, clammy hands, look at my old xrays and mri's, and say the same damn thing i've been told by four other doctors.
oh, and "recommend" 10 days of bed rest.
that bitch can eat a used tampon.
me and bed rest don't mix.

after that complete waste of time, J went off and did his thing and i met up with my friend, A, for lunch.
i love her to death.
she's kinda dumb though.
she's the type of bitch that would starve to death if she was stranded in a grocery store.
i think that shit is genetic cause her sister and brother are a little *special* too.

i'm almost positive i blogged about J and i going to A's sister's [AS] wedding last summer and tripping the fuck out cause it was so obvious to everyone that neither of them wanted to get married.
AS just really wanted a wedding and the groom was just in it for the free shit.

fastforward a year and a coupla months later and that bitch has had a baby.
nevermind the fact that she didn't really love the man she married or that he wanted a divorce after only 4 months of being married, this bitch had a baby SHE DIDN'T WANT to save a marriage SHE DIDN'T WANT!
ugh.
just typing that shit pisses me off.
but anyhoos, A knows how much i fucking adore babies so she wanted me to come along and dote on her new niece.

oh my gawd.
J told me not to do it cause he knew i would come home and start whining about having a baby. we've discussed it a bazillion times already and agreed it would be best if we waited until i'm done with school to start planning it, and i promised him i wouldn't say anything about it...today
but
there was this precious little baby.
and i held her.
she had these cute little fingers
and cute little toes
and a cute little button nose
and the cutest little pursed lips
and she was wearing this cute little pink onesie
and she had new baby smell.
NEW BABY SMELL!
men don't get it but i know the women do.
new baby smell does something to us.

my uterus was like 'fuck this shit. we need some implantation going on up in here ASAP!'
i'm on the pill but i'm positive i started ovulating the very second i put that baby back in her little bassinet.
estrogen and progesterone levels went through the roof.
baby names already picked out.
all i needed was 200 million sperm to battle it out for the coveted egg.

unfortunately, that dick dealer was 30 miles away, laying in bed contemplating the purpose of his belly button.
ugh.
men.

so, i took a moment to compose myself and started talking with A & AS and i asked AS how it felt to be a new mommy.
she was like, "i don't know. i don't think it's really hit me yet cause i don't feel like a mom. even when i was pregnant, i didn't feel all those maternal feelings you always here women talk about."

wtf?
i wanted to choke to shit out of her.
how is it that the best things happen to the most undeserving, unappreciative people?
this bitch is married and has a baby she doesn't even want while i'm undeniably in love with a wonderful man and have neither.
i'm not jealous or envious of her situation because she's so fucking miserable, but i want what she has on paper: a husband and a child.

i am so looking forward to getting married and all the 'firsts' J and i will have together as husband and wife.
the good, the bad, and the ugly.
i'm ready for it all.
that ungrateful bitch and others just like her have that and don't even realize how special it is.
it makes me hate people more than i already do.

i also feel sorry for that little girl.
her parents are gonna take her to hell and back because they refuse to acknowledge how fucked up their relationship truly is.
for her sake, i hope they get their shit together sooner rather than later.

but moving on....
after spending a few hours with those girls, i went to cingular to get my new crackberry.
after four damn days of waiting, they still didn't have the one i wanted so i just got one of the older models.
it's cheaper so it should be able to withstand my tantrums for a while.

i got home a coupla hours ago.
J was sleeping like the big baby he is but he had a very nice *situation* going on under the covers.
i may or may not have taken advantage of him being half alseep and not being able to say 'no' to me when i'm riding him to get him to agree to try having a baby now.
heh.....
maybe.


*wink*

Labels: this is who i am

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