i had my last a&p lab practical EVER this morning.
i don't think i did too well.
lack of sleep and uncontrollable crying didn't help too much either.
i'm so damn tired.
i miss my bed.
and my big blue blanket.
and my big soft pillows.
and him.

as much as i love and wanna be with J, i don't wanna be with someone who'll only assume the worst about me and talk to me the way he did the other day.
we've had some horrible fights over the years but what makes this one the worst of all was hearing him say things to intentionally hurt me.
it makes my heart ache.
moreso because i know i'm gonna go back to him.

this whole thing is so predictable:
we have a huge fight.
i leave.
after a few hours of crying in my car in some parking lot, i'll give in and answer my phone.
he'll ask me to meet him somewhere.
being the dumbass i am, i'll agree.
after a thousand "i love you's" and "i'm sorry's", i'm putty in his hand all over again.
give it a few weeks and we're doing it all over again.
it's mainly because J takes me for granted.
he thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and i'm supposed to forgive him and let it all go because that's what we do.

i don't know if i can keep doing this shit with him over and over again.
i don't know if i want to.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:28 PM | |