shouldn't you be out throwing lava rocks or something at old people?

yesterday, J took me to the tiffany's that just opened. that bitch wouldn't buy me a new ring but i did get some really cute earrings that i'll probably never wear. expensive jewelry makes me nervous.
since we were out, we went to see talladega nights.
i fucking love will ferrell and he did not disappoint in that movie. unfortunately, i can't say the same for bewitched. actually, i think nicole kidman ruined that movie.
have i mentioned how unfortunate looking that bat looks in person?
she looks like the damn crypt keeper.
man, i want that swiffer vacuum.

after the movie, we stopped by one of J's friend's house to pick up the fishing gear J let the guy borrow. now, i do not like 93% of J's friends. they don't really like me either but i don't give a hell. i think they're all a waste of sperm and egg. they are the reason for global warming and i wish they'd all just die.
the dude that was borrowing J's stuff, we're actually pretty cool. he grabbed my booty one time and J choked the shit out of him, but he's still cool with me.

anyhoos, we get to the house and the motherfucker i fucking hate with a passion is there. i wanna dip that sumbitch in kerosene and put cigarettes out in his eye sockets before setting his sorry ass on fire and watching the skin slowly melt off his bones. i'm evil like that.

J turns to me and says "don't say anything. just chill out and i'll be back in a few minutes and we'll go ."

even though i severely dislike that little boy, i had every intention of just standing by without saying a word and waiting for J to come back so we could go home and fuck since i hadn't had any all day. that damn porn sabotaged my psyche and sex drive.

but then i heard that motherfucker talking about how he was giving some poor girl back-handed compliments and chipping away at what little self-esteem she obviously had, as a pickup tactic.

when he was done talking, i just scoffed and was like "are these guys supposed to be impressed or something? the only girls you can nail are dumb, insecure broads who OBVIOUSLY don't know what a real man is all about. [clapping]whoopty fucking doo. you deserve cumbag of the year award.[/clapping]"

word to the wise- don't ever get in my face and tell me you're gonna shut my mouth for me. i don't care who the fuck you are, i will knock the taste out of your goddamn mouth if you disrespect me. and then i will have my man whoop your ass.... well, except if you're a girl. he doesn't hit women but i don't discriminate. i'll fight anybody.

mmkay, moving on to the new season of flavor of love.
what the hell is wrong with these hoes?
there shouldn't even be a season 2. hell, there never should've been a season 1. i could see if they were trying to get it on with joe millionaire's broke ass, but flavor flav? what the fuck are they seeing that i'm not?
i don't care how much money or fame is involved, you couldn't get me to put my lips on that thing. i can't do it. i won't.
and then there's the bitch that shit right in the middle of the floor? what the hell is wrong with her? did she have an episiotomy? does she have some sort of incontinence problem? i mean, really, how do you just squat down and take a shit on the floor WITH A DOZEN PEOPLE STANDING AROUND?!?!
come on, you know when you have to shit. even when you got the bg's you get at least 2 good minutes to get your ass to the bathroom. she could've gotten her little clock and been like "hey, flav, i gots to go do the doo. see ya when i see ya."

*shakes head* this shit just doesn't make any kind of sense to me.
i need to go get some dick.
the oxytocin-release does good things for me.

Labels: this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:11 PM | |