i feel like such a terrible person.
the past few months all i've talked about is wanting to have a baby in the near future, but i didn't want it to be like this.
unplanned.
my body is so polluted, i know there's no way in hell this little innocent being is gonna make it to see the light of day.

i wanted this so badly and now that i have it, everything about it is just wrong.
yesterday when that doctor confirmed what we've suspected for weeks, it was one of the happiest moments of my life.
now that all the realities surrounding this pregnancy have set in, i'm miserable and guilt-ridden.
it's like i have to sit around and wait for my baby to die before s/he is even born.
i don't even want to begin to think about how devastated J will be.
i wouldn't be surprised if he wanted nothing to do with me when it's all said and done.
i should just accept the fact that i'm not meant to be happy.

the end.

Labels: baby business

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:51 PM | |