i'm so stoked.
these allergies are a bitch though.

this morning i woke up with J spooning me and holding my hands. the exact same way we fell asleep. and i thought 'awww, he's so freakin adorable. i wuv him.' and then it made me sad. i thought, if he moves out, we won't have mornings like these anymore, so i woke him up and started bawling like a baby.
that whole crying, sniffling, and talking at the same time?
yeah, it's totally counterproductive.

i really don't know how J deals with me sometimes. i'm a fucking lunatic. i'm starting to think that therapist wasn't completely off-base when she suggested i had BPD. my hi's' and lo's alternate too quickly for it not to be a little true.

but anyhoos, we talked about it and to my surprise and delight, us not living together was never even crossed his mind, nor would he have considered it. he just wanted to check out a few places downtown and if i didn't like any of them, that was it. he was totally fine with us staying where we are. i felt so much better after hearing that.
i totally put out.

i'm so melodramatic sometimes.
it's definitely not intentional though. i think because he's the only person who can really get a reaction out of me, that when it does happen, it's amplified a bit more than it should be. if i could control it, i would because i don't really like being as overemotional and -reactive as i am.
it's exhausting.


i definitely need to stay away from liquor for a while.
according to J, my behavior has gotten a little out of hand over the past few weeks.
i disagree but i'm all about keeping the peace 'round here, so i'll try EVEN THOUGH IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON AND WE DRINK EVERY WEEKEND!

he can act the exact same way as i do, but when i do it, i'm crazy; when he does it, there's nothing even slightly irrational or illogical about it.

it's no secret that i have a major problem with females being all up in his face. if you possess 2 X chromosomes and you're not J's mom or sister, you need to be at least 2 feet away from him at all times. if not, there's a 99% chance i will cuss you out and rip out those janky ass extensions. J says it's because i'm possessive and jealous but that's just how i roll.

now, if he sees some guy even breathe in my direction, he's ready to fight. minus the extension removal, he reacts the same way i do.
possessive and jealous?
of course not. that's just his way of "protecting" me.

and i'm like, from what? gingivitis? shit, i carry listerine pocket strips and altoids with me at all times; bad breath, teeth, and gums are not a problem for me.

but whatever, it's not even worth fighting over cause that's just some shit that's never gonna change no matter how many times we think or say we will.
oh wells.


i'm so ready for some barbecue.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:18 PM | |