today was definitely better than yesterday.
i did have a little crying spell when i first woke up this morning but i felt tons better after i ate a big bowl of strawberries, blueberries, and whipped cream, and allegedly half a box of blueberry poptarts with chocolate syrup.

then later, the fetus and i had a little conversation.
i know she* doesn't quite have ears yet, but i think she heard me.
i told her i'd be the bestest mommy ever and spoil her to bits and pieces if she would let me have one day without blowing chunks, thinking morbid thoughts, and crying uncontrollably.
we were on the same page for a while but after J and i went to wendy's for lunch, not so much.
i got really upset and had to cuss out everybody in that establishment for not making me a spicy chicken sammich with extra mayo and tomatoes cause the "grease was making the chicken patties taste funny".
i didn't wanna hear that shit.
i wanted food.

since the fetus was not appeased with free french fries and does not have access to guns and hand grenades, the defiant little fucker had me hovering the toilet for 27 minutes as soon as we got home.
this kid fucking hates me.

i got my prenatal vitamins today too.
what the fuck am i supposed to do with those things?
they're the size of horse tranquilizers.
i'd forgotten i even had a gag reflex until i took those fuckers.
it's just unnatural.

i have a terrible headache now.
i think it's caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol withdrawal.
maybe a little dick withdrawal too.
i've been really horny, but we never really get around to the sex cause i spend most of the day crying, sleeping, and throwing up.
sexx-ay.

i think J's secretly on drugs.
he's taking this whole pregnancy a little too well for someone who was very adamant about not having a kid now.
he hasn't shown a single negative emotion since, like, we were just speculating about me being pregnant a couple weeks ago.
i'm going out of my damn mind and he's all cool, calm, and collective, and reading a ton of baby books and articles.
it's disgusting.
i'm relieved to know that he wants this baby and he's excited about being a daddy and all that good stuff, but i want that motherfucker to cry or something.
i asked him if he was really okay with all of this and if he was scared at all and he's like "of course, but it's a good scared".
ugh.
always the fucking optimist.
i'm gonna hump him tonight.

muchos gracias to everyone who's sent congrats and advice our way. i heart y'all. to the ones who have sent me emails and i haven't replied back, it's not that i don't love you cause i do. it's just that i've cried after every email i've read, and the crying is usually followed by some vomiting which either leads to more crying which leads to J spooning me and us falling asleep. but i promise i'll write back as soon as my hormones are in check.

ew.
i'm becoming one of those awful mommy bloggers.
i think i'm gonna throw up.

*obviously, we don't know the sex yet, but i have a strong feeling it's a little girl. if she's not, i hope this kid never reads this shit.

Labels: baby business

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:00 PM | |