i think i need to stop blogging so frequently.
scratch that.
i need to not blog after J and i have a huge fight.
i always come here and say something really definitive and then the next day, i've done the exact opposite.
i never give things a chance to settle down before i sit here and start typing away.
single.
not single.
engaged.
not engaged.
engaged again.

fuck fuck fuck.
i'm so damn fickle.

currently: re-engaged.
after demoting myself to girlfriend status, the boy talked me into promoting him back to fiance.
it's the sex, man.
that's when i'm 100% vulnerable to him and he knows it; sumbitch dives right in for the kill.
fuckity fuck mcfuckster.
he makes shit so complicated when it really doesn't have to be.
he always tells me these wonderful things about how much he loves me and wants to be with me forever and dadadada; and 98% of the time, his actions back up everything he says.
but then there's that 2% where he does some extremely fucked up shit.

because i've known him for so long, i understand his logic behind it his bad decisions and i know he doesn't expect me to react the way i do, but i just can't ignore it or let it go because he thought "it wasn't that big of a deal".
i'm not a goddamn pushover.
but i'm running short on second chances.
i really hope he has his shit together.

Labels: my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:40 PM | |