i feel like doodoo feces.
my ass is fat.
i'm always hungry and i throw up everything i eat.
oh yeah, and the paternal grandfather of my unborn child thinks of my baby as a "fuck-up" who should be aborted before it's too late.
just fucking lovely.

it would be really nice to not cry for a day.
before i knew about the peanut, i wasn't that emotional.
i had some crazy ass mood swings, but i don't think they were that bad.
since i've found out, i've cried every day.
i'm not sad about being pregnant; i love this little baby more than i thought it was possible to love someone.
but i can't stop crying.
yesterday, my feelings were really hurt by J's dad, so i'm cutting myself some slack.
but this morning, i woke up crying just because i woke up.
then i saw that i'm starting to show.
it was kinda bittersweet.
my little peanut is starting to grow more, but that means i'm getting fatter and i'm gonna have to wear maternity clothes.
and why the fuck are maternity clothes so fucking ugly?
i was looking at gapmaternity online this morning and it's like the designers equate pregnancy with ugly colors, patterns, and prints.
i'm not wearing that shit.
my fat ass will be trotting around in my small tshirts and jeans i can't zip before i ever buy anything out of a maternity clothing section.
fuck it.
i'll just wear J's stuff.
he thinks i look sexy when i wear his shirts and boxers.

i've been eating healthy, but the cravings are just out of control.
i put chocolate syrup and whipped on almost everything.
ooh and mayonnaise.
i love mayonnaise now.
especially with pepperoni pizza.
yeah, this kid is turning me into a weirdo.
i think i'm gonna end fucking up some fast food restaurant employees before this pregnancy is over too.
first, it was wendy's not maknig my spicy chicken sammich.
then today, mcdonald's would not make my mcflurry the way i wanted it.
what the fuck is so hard about adding a fucking apple pie and chocolate syrup to some damn ice cream with oreo cookie crumbs?!
"i'm sorry, we don't do that here."
bitch, i'm pregnant and hungry, i'll climb in that fucking window and stab yo punk ass in the eye.

in an attempt to not become one of those mommy bloggers i absolutely abhor, i've started a baby journal.
J's writing in it too, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside [even though he wrote about how grouchy and mean i am to him].
there's no way possible for me to not write about pregnancy stuff here because that's all i think about now, but i'm gonna try to keep all sappy stuff in the journal.
i ain't making no promises though.
if you don't like what you read, there's an X in the top right corner that closes the window.
use it.

oh, i've been stalking pregnancy forums and they make me paranoid.
i'm still really worried about whether or not my unhealthiness has harmed my little peanut.
while most of the women have had great outcomes, i've read some terrible stuff too.
and some people just should not post pictures of their babies cause they are sooooo not photogenic.
i know it sounds mean, but it's da troof.
like this one kid, his head was fucking huge.
i hope that lady had a c-section.
if she didn't, i feel sorry for her giney.
that kid split her from the rooter to the tooter.

i love that i'm getting tons of sleep now.
but it's at the expense of my school work.
every time i sit down to start studying or writing a paper, baby says it's nap time.
the morning sickness is getting me in trouble too.
one of my profs emailed me because the past two weeks i've ran out of class [to go throw up. yay morning sickness] right in the middle of lecture.
i didn't really care that she emailed me about it, i was more annoyed at the fact that she didn't bother to ask if i was okay or the reason why i was leaving so abruptly, instead of just telling me my "recent behavior has caused a disturbance in her class" and that i "should not come to class if [i] was going to continue to disrupt it".
she keeps fucking with me and i'll throw up in her face.


fuck.
i'm hungry again.

Labels: baby business

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:06 PM | |