it is not a good idea to catch up on nip/tuck episodes and eat butter pecan ice cream with oreos and whipped cream on the side late at night.
i had this horrible dream about that evil little midget manny.
he was wearing a purple crushed velvet suit with a red fedora and he kept poking my belly and saying "oooh, just ripe for the pickin'! gimme that baby!"
i kicked him and he tumbled over but he got right back up and started head-butting my kneecaps all the while yelling in a chucky-like voice "gimme that baby! i want that baby!"
then he pulled out a knife.
i think he was gonna stab me but i woke up and started crying about not wanting a midget manny.
J woke up, half drunk and confused and was like "what the fuck are you talking about?! go back to sleep! "
so i smacked him a coupla times.

i think i smacked the drunken asshole out of him and turned him into a fag cause he grabbed his face and looked at me, and he shook his head and went "oooooh, i do not like you." and turned his back against me.
that hurt my feelings so i pinched his back and pushed him out of the bed.

you don't tell the mother of your unborn child you don't like her!
i don't care if i did deserve it.
i am very sensitive and emotional right now.
asshole.

******

this little baby is very deceptive.
i thought after having two consecutive days without vomit-breath, the allfuckingday sickness was going away and baby was finally starting to listen to mommy.
oh, the trickery.
i almost didn't make it to the bathroom this morning.
and i know the fetus was in there cackling like a hyena, "gotcha, bitch!"

******

i don't know what i'm gonna be for halloween now.
i usually go for a slutty look, but i don't think that's possible now.
i'm gonna be all fat and nasty-looking.
and i don't want my child looking at old halloween pictures of me and the sperm donor years from now and asking "mommy, weren't you pregnant with me then? why are your ass cheeks hanging out like that? have you no shame, woman?"
how in the hell am i gonna explain that?
"your dad made me do it."
oh yeah, nice save.

******

being pregnant has made me go all soft and shit.
no more 'let's get drunk and beat bitches up'.
it's all 'baby, baby, baby' now.
i have to tell myself to shut the fuck up now.
i'm so annoying with all the baby talk.

i used to think people were full of shit when they said having a baby changes everything.
i mean, it can't possibly change everything.
sheeeeeiiiiiitttt.
i'm gonna have to break somebody's nose just so i can say i didn't completely lose myself in all of this.

oooh, i smell food.

Labels: baby business, my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:13 PM | |