so......J and i went home to tell the family the baby news.
initially, it was supposed to be J going by himself so he could go to the memphis/ut game with his dad and brother but, oh, the difference a day makes.

anyhoos, before leaving, we called and asked everyone [J's mom, dad, brother, and sister; my mom, brothers, and oldest sister] to meet at my mom's house cause we had something important to tell them.

it was so cute cause on the drive there, almost everyone individually called us and said something to the effect of "What's the big news? You can tell me. I won't tell a soul." and both of our moms were like "I gave birth to you. How can you not tell your own mother?"
silly wabbits.

fast forward 3 hours later, and we're all sitting in my mom's living room, some general chitchat going on, J's mom came back in from chain smoking, and C's little crazy ass finally stopped terrorizing the dogs [what is with little kids and trying to swing around dogs by their tail?]

J starts off by saying "I know you're all wondering what the big news is so I'm just gonna get straight to the point. Mimi and I have been together for over 3 years, engaged for almost a year, but we've decided we're not gonna get married.

and his mom gives him the most evil look ever and shoots up out of her seat and goes "WHAT DID YOU DO NOW?!" "Whatever it is we can get some counseling. Everyone goes through a rough patch. I've gotdecoraters and caterers on standby. YOU WILL NOT DO THIS TO ME!"

and you could see that little vein in the middle of her forehead just throbbing away; it was not a pretty sight.

J goes, "Mom, sit down and let me talk." so, she sits down and starts fanning herself and his dad is trying to calm her down; my mom is just sitting there gritting her teeth. she was so ready to fight. and i think shecould've taken J.

so J continues. "As I was saying, we're not gonna get married. We're gonna wait until after the baby's born and then we'll get hitched."

there was a collective gasp from the crowd. that made me kinda nervous so i was like "Okay, now would be a good time to hug me because I'm gonna cry."

my mom was so happy. she jumped up and hugged me and started crying "My baby's having a baby!" and i started crying "Yeah, and i don't know what the hell I'm doing!" J's mom hugged me and J and she started crying "I'm gonna be a grandma! I'm officially old now!" then J's sister started crying "I'm crying because y'all are crying and I don't wanna be left out!" and my sister, that bitch, hugged me and told me she was happy for me and J and that i was gonna be a great mom. hearing that from her kinda made me really happy cause i don't have the greatest relationship with either of my sisters, so yeah, that made me feel really good.

and then little C. she was feeling a little left out so to get some attention, she stood up on the coffee table and yelled, "WAIT A MINUTE! I WANT A HUG TOO!"

in the midst of the estrogen fest, J's brother and my brothers were congratulating him and doing the man thing, and everyone seemed genuinely happy for us, but i noticed J's dad had disappeared. and while the moms are asking me howi'm feeling and if i'm eating healthy and all that stuff, J leaves, presumably to find his dad.

so i'm thinking that's not good. i didn't see J and his dad hug and he definitely didn't hug me so i got a little worried. i was about to go off and look for him but Ccame up to me with a little sad face, so i picked her up and kissed her little forehead and asked her what was wrong.

"Tia, why you gon' have a baby?"
"I didn't really plan on it, it just kinda happened. But it's okay cause you'll have another little cousin to play with."
"I don't want another cousin."
"Why not?"
"Cause you not gon' love me no more."
"Awww, honey, I'll always love you. You're my big baby. I'm just gonna have a little baby around. You can help me take care of her when we come visit."
"I can change the diapers?"
"Mmhmmm. You'll be my little helper."
"Okay, but I'm not giving her my toys. That's my stuff."
"Deal. Now go in the pantry and see what kind of cookies grandma bought!"

while the munchkin went off to raid the pantry, i went to look for my baby's daddy. he's outside with his dad and i saw that they're having a very heated conversation. J's arms were flailing all over the place, soi'm like 'okay, this would be a good time to use my ninja skills.'

i am nosy. i need to be in the know at all times. i am one eavesdropping bitch. i can't help it.

but that is one conversation i wish i'd never heard. J's really the only person who's ever been able to hurt me with words, but J's dad has definitely taken that crown from him.

for as long as i've known J's family, they've always made me and my family a part of their family. his my mom and my mom are best friends. his dad consulted with the company my dad works with for years. when J and i were broken up, his mom and dad would call and check up on me to see how i was doing and made sure i was doing well in school; i felt like they genuinely cared about me and my well-being even if i wasn't a part of J's life anymore.

i think i valued my relationship with them more than with my own parents because i truly felt an unconditional love from them. i still feel the same way about his mom because she's always been so supportive of me, but i can honestly say i hate his dad now.

he told J that me having this baby would drag their family name through the mud and that J and i were making their family look bad and we're too young to have a baby and we don't know what the hell we're doing. this man, who'd been a better father to me than my own dad for nearly 15 years, actually suggested that i get an abortion because there was still time for J to "fix his fuck-up".

before, he could say anything else, i stopped him and said i was happy to know how he really felt about me and our baby and that he didn't have to worry about me or my baby making him look bad because there was no way in helli'd ever let someone as hateful and repulsive as he is be a part of my child's life. in retrospect, there's a lot more shit i wish i would've said, but what's done is done.

i don't think i've ever been so disgusted and offended in my entire life. i mean, i actually would've expected my own father to say some shit like that before J's dad. i never would've predicted that reaction from him in a million years. i was so crushed by that, that all i could do was run to the bathroom and throw up and cry. J came in after me and apologized relentlessly for having to hear that shit, but it didn't even matter. it wasn't J that owed me an apology, and even if J's dad did apologize, i wouldn't accept it. there's nothing he could say that would make me even consider forgiving him.

the whole thing just sucks because i promised this baby my mom and J's parents would be so ecstatic about having her in their lives and would love her just as much as J and i already do.

that asshole made me a liar.

my dad and i don't even speak to each other but i knew this baby would have at least one grandad that would be honored to have this baby a part of his life. but instead, he thinks of her as a "fuck-up" that's gonna ruin his perfect little family's image.nevermind the fact that his wife has been in and out of rehab the past two years, or his oldest son has a DUI and a misdemeanor drug charge under his belt already, or that he doesn't know where the hell his daughter is most nights, forget all of that shit. having a bastard child in his family trumps everything.

i'll be the first to admit that i'm not the perfect and, hell, i've still got issues, but this innocent little baby did not and does not deserve any of that. i just don't understand how he could be so fucking nasty. i was just starting to feel really good about this pregnancy and that whole confrontation with J's dad ruined it for me.

everyone is upset with J's dad now. i feel like it's my fault. i know they're feelings are justified but that's not how this was supposed to be. everyone is supposed to be happy and excited and looking forward to having a new baby in the family. instead, there's just this big, ominous cloud hanging over me.

ugh.
people make me sick.
literally.

Labels: baby business, my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:30 PM | |