this morning, i woke up feeling great.
no morning sickness, no mind-numbing headache.
hells yeah!
so i didn't go to class.
sue me.

i made myself a big, healthy breakfast.
i took the dog out and we ran half a mile.
i came back and showered and smothered my entire mid-section with cocoa butter cause i am not getting stretch marks.
i refuse to.

i took a two-hour nap cause mini-me loves sleep.
after that, i cleaned the whole house and did like 5 loads of laundry.
i attempted to give the dog a bath since we missed her little grooming appointment last week, but that dog fucking hates me so it didn't work out very well.

since i'd been really unpleasant to J the past few weeks with my crazy mood swings, i went out and bought him the platinum edition of scarface that was released today.
when he came home, i made him lunch and we had a little picnic on the living room floor.
there may have been a blowjob or two somewhere in there.

i felt really productive even though i didn't do any of the shit i actually needed to do.
oh wells.

then around 4:00, J and i were cuddling on the couch when his dad called.
i got up and went in the kitchen and ate a fuckton of strawberries so they could talk or whatever.
i guess they kissed and made up, and his dad wanted to talk to me and do the same, but i was so not having that shit.
so when J brought the phone to me, i just hung it up and gave it back to him.
and this motherfucker goes "well, that was rude."

"excuse me?"

"that was so uncalled for."

"this man told you that your unborn child should be aborted and i'm rude? it's good to know where your loyalties lie."

"it's not about loyalty; it's common decency. you didn't have to hang up the phone. you could've just said you didn't wanna talk to him and gave me the phone back. it's really not that fucking hard to be respectful every now and then."

"yeah, cause he only insulted me and told you you should kill your baby, but me hanging up a fucking phone makes me the indecent one. i see where you get your fucked up logic from now."

"okay, this is about to turn into an argument and i don't want you getting upset so let's drop it."

"where the fuck have you been the past two minutes? you just called me rude, indecent, AND disrespectful for not wanting to talk to someone who. HATES. OUR. BABY! UPSET DOES NOT COVER WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW!"

that one little conversation just ruined the entire day for me.
i cried for like two hours.
even though he was apologizing and trying to console me, i feel like J's not even trying to see this situation from my perspective.
i'm so fucking stressed out and depressed over all of this shit and him acting like i was so wrong for hanging up on his dad just didn't make it any better.
his response would've been a bit more [but not by much] justified if i'd just taken the phone and went off on his dad, but all i did was press a stupid button.

i'm getting really frustrated.
i have so much anger inside of me because of those things J's dad said about my baby.
i know i can't keep it bottled up and not say anything because it's not healthy for me or the baby, but i can't seem to find an appropriate outlet.
i really just wanna go stomp his fucking skull into his scrotum, but that's not possible.
i could sit here for days and write about how much i hate that man but it still won't make me feel any better because i'll still hate him.
i really don't want to but i don't see myself letting this thing go and allowing that man to be a part of my baby's life when he or she is born.
he doesn't deserve it.
i'm sure he and J will be just as fine and dandy as they were before all of this happened since J seems to be doing the passive-aggressive shit, but there are some things that i just can't forgive.

ugh.
i'm so fucking exhausted.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:09 PM | |