dude.
i'm fat.
i am huge.
and the hugeness is only gonna get more huge.
gaining weight makes me weep.
this morning, i was puttering around in the living room waiting for J to come downstairs so he could go walking with me. i got a little light-headed so i sat down in the papasan for a bit. when i tried to get up, all of this baby business got in the way and it took me like 45 seconds to get my fat ass up.
do you know how long 45 seconds is?
count it.
don't worry, i'll wait......


so yeah, i've been crying all day because of all the weight i've gained in a short time period.
i'm almost 5 months pregnant but i look and feel like i'm 15 months.
all day i've been crying and yelling at J "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" while stuffing my face with tuna on rye and pistachio ice cream.
i don't even like pistachio ice cream.
or tuna on rye.

poor J.
he's so not gonna want any more kids after baby girl; at least not with me.
he's been beyond awesome but my fat ass is too fucked up to appreciate it.
half the time, i don't even know why i'm bitching and crying, i just am.
i've been trying not to be so emotional and hypersensitive but it seems like the more i try to suppress it, the worse it comes out.
in addition to the weight gain, i'm extremely depressed about the family situation.
i'm gonna be home alone on thanksgiving because my folks are going to chicago to spend it with family members i absolutely loathe and J's gonna be with his folks.
i'm gonna be eating take-out on thanksgiving day.
pathetic.
adding to the misery, i'm still sick and it's starting to aggravate my asthma.
i can't win for losing.
ugh.

i really need to clean this house.
J's been doing most of the cleaning because he doesn't want me inhaling the cleaners, but i'm slightly obsessive-compulsive and i hate not cleaning and organizing things myself.
it's done the right way only when i do it.

due to lack of attention received, i think our dog has become suicidal.
a couple nights ago, she tried to jump off the balcony.
if she wasn't so fucking retarded, she could jumped onto one of the chairs and then jumped off the balcony, but no such luck.
then today, when J took her to get groomed, he told me she tried to jump out the car window.
doggie's got a death wish.
if i weren't so consumed with my own shit, i'd grant it.
i fucking hate that evil ass dog.

i wish i could smoke a bowl.
none of this shit would be bothering me as much.

i do not wanna go to class tomorrow.
i'm just ready to be done with school.
it's such a waste of my time.
i thought with taking fewer classes, the workload wouldn't be as rigorous and demanding.
WRONG!
12 hours is just as terrible as 18.
i think i'm actually doing more work now with fewer classes than before.

i have another checkup next week.
i probably don't need it since i kinda got one when i went to get my test results last week, but going means i get a sonogram.
seeing my her on that screen makes it all worth it.

i need some dick.

Labels: baby business, my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:36 PM | |