howdy kids.
i can't sleep.
i was gonna make J wake up and talk to me but i'm really annoyed with him for some reason.
i don't know why. i was just laying in bed watching him sleep and thought to myself, 'ugh, he gets on my damn nerves'.
i think it's cause i'm jealous he can fall asleep at the drop of a hat and i can't.
and all this baby business i'm working with makes it even more difficult.

he says i complain about him too much on this thing so i have to brag on him a little:
today, he made me breakfast, gave me a full body massage, some hurts-so-good sex; and he took me out for a nice dinner and a movie tonight.

fyi: "black christmas" = worst. movie. ever.
some of the most terrible acting since i don't know when.
and i don't know about you but i'd prefer not seeing old lady-titties.
EVER.
then there was some bitch a couple rows in front of us who screamed every 5 seconds and scared my baby.
i mean, it was so obvious when someone was about to get killed so i don't know what the fuck her deal was.

my favoritest fag is flying in tomorrow/later today.
we've talked almost every day since he moved to L.A. but i'm so excited to see him.
a few nights ago, he drunk dialed me and told me the reason he loves me is because the first time we met, i told him i was a man and we'd make precious babies together in the same sentence.
and him remembering random shit like that is the reason i love him.
does that mean i need more friends?

i'm gonna have to go back home sooner than i planned or wanted to.
my mom and J's mom want to give me a baby shower.
there's really nothing wrong with that, except those dumb whores want to have it in january and i'm not due until the end of fucking march.
why not wait until the end of february or early march?
oh snap!
i forgot my friend A is giving me one, too.
i hope baby girl is as antisocial as i am. the fewer kids and parents i have to deal with when she's older, the better.
but i do get free stuff so i probably shouldn't be complaining.

she has the hiccups right now.
it feels really weird.
i love feeling and listening to all of her little movements though.
i can't wait to meet her.
my due date can't get here fast enough.
she's gonna be so loved and spoiled it's ridiculous.

i need to go to bed.
nighty night, kids.

Labels: baby business, my love, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:21 AM | |

doc's appt. today went really well. i didn't have to choke a bitch. i didn't have a panic attack cause i'm fat.
is it bad that almost every time we're in that room, J and i wanna have sex??? there's absolutely nothing sexual about that ugly ass gown or being propped up on a table where anyone who enters the room gets a clear shot of my giney, but i get horny every time i'm there.

moving on....

little zoe is approximately 12 inches long and around 2 pounds, 1 ounce. her little heartbeat is as strong as ever. we had another 3-d sonogram and i'm pretty sure that little thumbsucker is gonna look like her daddy. since he's a hot piece of ass, it shouldn't be a problem, but motherfuck! all he did was donate the sperm, i'm doing all the heavy work and all she has is my lips. but that's besides the point. i don't have to be on bed rest anymore and i get to have all the sex i want. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

i don't know what we're gonna do about the nursery. i really wanted that furniture from milliondollarbaby, but they've worked all my nerves. and every other place we've looked either has really ugly furniture or doesn't make the cute stuff in black. i don't wanna change the colors because we've gotten so much pink and black stuff already, but i think that's what we'll end up doing.
ugh. i feel my eye twitch coming back.

in my lame attempt to cope with gaining so much weight, i've decided 15 pounds of the 43 i've already gained is what i needed to gain to be at my "appropriate" weight because i was underweight, and the other 28 pounds is the baby weight.
BUT i've still got 3 months to go so i'll probably end up gaining about 60 pounds when it's all said and done. it's still pretty depressing but it's for the greater good, right? RIGHT?

then there's actual the actual labor. i don't want my giney to get stretched and i don't want stitches from the rooter to the tooter. but i also don't want a cesarean scar. advice? please? with cheese? i don't know which is best for baby girl.

oh yeah, i know i usually comment back when y'all leave comments and i haven't been doing that lately.....it's not because i don't love you. i read every single one of them. but right now, i just don't feel like typing comments back. plus, i figure my email and AIM shit is on the sidebar so, yeah. it's just not necessary. you know i luh yo momma.

some tuna and mac and cheese sounds really good right about now.

toodles!

Labels: baby business

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:30 PM | |

-listening to my ipod

-stuffing my face with blueberry poptarts with whipped cream and strawberry jam

-rubbing the dog's tummy with my foot

-really glad xmas is over so i don't have to deal with my family until i have my baby girl. those motherfuckers are crazy.

-STOKED cause my favoritest fag in the whole world will be here for new year's

-[still] bummed iverson got traded to denver

-titans still alive for some postseason play. FUCK THE SAINTS!!!

-annoyed with people who rub my belly without my goddamn permission

-you ain't bad. you ain't nothin!

-horny

-not looking forward to my doctor's appointment tomorrow

-i gotta pee
--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:04 AM | |

i think external forces are trying to sabotage me.
that's the only way i can explain it.
'they' don't want me to be happy and they're doing a damn fine job making sure that doesn't happen.
first, there was the one who said i should abort my baby because he doesn't want a mixed baby in his family.
then, there was the doctor constantly making me feel like a horrible mom with all her "gain more weight" bullshit.
next, was the one who pretty much accused me of trying to steal her son away.
now, i have a nursery with no furniture.

before, it was a nursery without furniture because it hadn't arrived.
now, it's a nursery without furniture because the company sucks monkey nuts and feces and sent the wrong fucking furniture.

my eye is starting to twitch again.

you know that saying "there's no use in crying over spilled milk"?
that shit so does NOT apply when you're pregnant.
i've literally cried over spilled milk along with dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower, my cellphone taking too goddamn long to dial out, J rolling his eyes at me, having to go get the mail, and all other kinds of nonsense.
oh yeah, i cried because baby girl started getting the hiccups and thought something was wrong with her, but it turns out that shit is perfectly normal.
i'm straight up on some other shit.

and something else: J thisfuckingclose to making me seriously hurt him.
somebody done lied to that boy and told him he could still have a life while i'm sitting here miserable, fat, and pregnant.
nuh uh, buddy.
i may not be able to make him gain weight with me, but i will make his life hell.
i can't go out partying and drinking so he can't either.
i can't have all the sex i want so there will be no doubling up on the blowjobs.
fuck that shit.
that sumbitch is gonna be stuck in this house just as sexually frustrated as i am for the next three months, plus another 6 weeks after baby girl is born.
no more mr. nice mimi.

along with all the crying and shit, my ass has gotten extremely clumsy.
i've broken fifty dozen plates and glasses.
my center of gravity is thrown off.
i can't lay on my back cause i'l have an aneurysm trying to get my fat ass up.
i yell a lot.
i didn't yell before.
i'd get angry beyond belief but i'd never yell.
anytime there's a baby on tv, i cry.
i don't even know why the hell i'm crying, i just do.
oh wells.


y'all have a merry christmas/hanukah/kwanzaa/whateverthefuck you're celebrating.
i'm going home for a few days to deal with all that madness cause i'm a glutton for punishment.
gotta go.
see ya when i see ya.
xoxo
--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:14 AM | |

i'm fat.
i'm stuck in bed.
i can't eat what i want.
i can't fuck when i want.

and to top it all off, i spent thousands of dollars on the perfect furniture for my baby girl's nursery only to have the fucking store send the wrong goddamn furniture.
but, oh, the style was right, they just sent it in the wrong fucking color.
ASSHOLES!
the color i the most important part.
i cannot have a pink and black nursery with honey oak-colored furniture.

this type of idiocy is the reason my blood pressure is high.
it's not the taco bell.
it's dealing with stupid people all the goddamn time making me lose my fucking mind.

merry fucking christmas.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:50 AM | |

hi there, kiddies.

sorry for lack of update-age.
i've been a busy girl.
i've been celebrating and shit.
i'm supposed to be on bed rest, but fuck.
i just graduated.
i had to party up.
i'm pretty sure i'm not supposed to be having sex but i deserve some dick.
once a day can't be that bad.
can it?

none of what i'm writing makes sense.
it's because i just woke up.
my sleep schedule is all fucked up now.
instead of being in bed by 11pm and up at 6am, i'm going to bed at 6 or 7am and sleeping all fucking day.
i'm a horrible mom.

being pregnant is really crazy.
i don't have the words to describe it.
as happy as i am about everything, all i wanna do is curl up in a corner and cry until there's nothing left.
i'm so fucking terrified of every bad thing that could possibly happen to me and/or her will happen.
i'm afraid something's gonna be wrong with her when she's born.
i'm scared i'm gonna do something wrong or not be there when she needs me.
everyone keeps telling me not to worry about that shit but it's really hard not to when you're ALWAYS aware of the life inside you is depending on you to not fuck up.
even then, if i do everything right, there's still a chance of something bad happening to her.

i need to go back to bed.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:04 PM | |

that's pretty much been my week so far.
i'm stressed and exhausted from finals, which aren't even over yet.
i've pretty much given up on J's family.
my baby girl gave me a scare last night/this morning.

*****

the shit with finals is expected.
i don't see how anyone can not be stressed and worried about that shit.
especially, during your last semester.

*

J's family can just go to hell.
i'm still not over the fallout with his dad, but i thought at least his mom was on my side.
but as you all know, i don't get paid to think.

yesterday, he had her on speaker phone while they were talking about holiday plans, but she didn't know i was listening.
anyhoos, he told her we hadn't really discussed what we're doing [which we haven't] but we may just end up doing our little christmas thing here instead of having to deal with the family drama [his idea, not mine. that was my first time hearing about it].

i guess she was upset about him not being home for thanksgiving even though he spent time with them a couple days before thanksgiving.
i suppose that compromise wasn't good enough for her.
she went on to say something like "is she trying to keep you away from your family now that she's having that baby? you let her know there is no way in hell that is going to happen. i'm not having that."
J got upset and told her she was completely off-base and out of line, which surprised me with him being a momma's boy and all.

but i'm like, 'what the fuck did i do to these people to make them think all of these horrible things about me?'
i've always treated them with respect and loved them as if they were my own blood-family.
they have to know how much i love their son and that i would never do anything to intentionally sabotage the relationship they have.
i just don't get it.
well, i know with his dad it's just about him not wanting a mixed kid in their family, even though he won't come right out and say it.
with his mom, i don't know what the fuck her problem is.
one minute she's telling me how happy she is about the baby and that i've always been a part of their family.
now, she's talking about me like i'm some fucking whore trying to ruin her little picture-perfect family.
i feel so deceived and betrayed by those people.
i'm so disgusted with them.

*

dealing with all this new stress, i started cramping very badly and spotting a little, last night.
i grabbed the heart monitor to listen to baby girl's heartbeat and i couldn't find it for almost three minutes.
that had to have been the scariest three minutes of my life.
when i finally did, it was only 95-100 bpm.
i freaked the fuck out because she's been pretty consistent at 120-130 bpm since i've been able to check it.
so, i yelled at J, who was sleeping at the time, and he drove like a bat out of hell to get us to the hospital.
he almost killed us a couple of times before we got there.
when we did get there, he cussed everybody out because they weren't moving fast enough.

the doctor checked us out and everything was fine except my blood pressure.
i got an ultrasound and the doctor said the way she was positioned was more than likely the reason i couldn't get an accurate reading from the monitor, but my current stress level is why i was cramping a spotting.
i was relieved that she's okay, but the cramping and spotting is just another thing for me to worry about.
so, he just monitored my bp and baby girl's heart for an hour and a half and sent us on our way since i had an appointment with my ob/gyn today.

I FUCKING HATE THAT BITCH!

she wasn't the slimey cunt she usually is, but i still don't like her.
i'm gonna have to have check-ups every two weeks instead of four, now.
she wants me to stop stressing over what she calls "little things", "cool it with all the sex", and to be on bed rest until my next visit.
oh, and i need to lay off the taco bell.

but baby girl loves the taco bell!
and i love the sex.


we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

p.s. haloscan hates me and won't let me comment.

Labels: baby business

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:30 PM | |

finals week.
boooo.
but yay.
it's almost over!

*

for those who care:
i barely got ready in time for that stupid party.
everything was cake except finding a dress.
it's so fucking hard to find a dress that fits right.
not only do i have a buddha belly, my ass has expanded quite a bit.
it's so goddamn awkward.
if my ass and belly were at the same level, you probably couldn't tell which is the front and which is the back.
but anyhoos, i made it with the help of one of my backup fags.
i lurves the gays.
J was trying to hump me the whole time so i assume i looked pretty damn good.
i almost got in a fight with one of the miserable cokewhore wives.
the cunt basically said until J and i were married, i'm pretty much just a "glorified girlfriend".
i was gonna fuck that botox-laced face bitch up, but J has a habit of pulling me away right when i'm about to lunge at a hoe.
and i didn't even get to see any old people drama unfold.
but J and i did have some really great sex in that limo.
oh yes.
i got the rugburns to prove it.

*

sunday, he and i pretty much all day in bed studying, watching football, and fucking.
yeah, that's all.

*

i haven't been feeling very well today, so he's been doing all the cooking and cleaning.
and i didn't even ask him to do any of it.
i've trained him well.

*

that damn dog is pissing me off.
she's knocked over the christmas tree three times now.
if that motherfucker breaks one more fucking ornament, i'm skinning the hide off that sumbitch.

*

baby girl's nursery furniture should be arriving some time next week.
yays!
i'll be so happy once that room is finished because then all i'll have to worry about is carrying the little wiggle worm to term.
this is how it looks, except i'd never torture my baby with those atrocious colors and we didn't get the ugly daybed converter thingy.
[the link is a pdf file]
i know.
you're jealous.
;)

*

i think my family is coming here this weekend.
they wanna celebrate my graduation, but i really just wanted to sleep in and wake up knowing i wouldn't have to spend another weekend studying or writing a 10-20 page paper.
i don't wanna deal with those crazy people.
i don't really like them.

Labels: baby business, my love, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:25 PM | |

the plan was to:
-study for finals
-get J organized so he can study for finals
-have lots of sex
-do several loads of laundry
-clean the kitchen [something stinks in there & i get to use my swiffer sweeper vac!]
-make J go to taco bell, wendy's, and/or mcdonald's several times
-watch some basketball
-cry because J still gets to drink and smoke and i don't, i'm fat and he's not, and my tits are always sore
-and of course, listen to my baby girl wiggling around and talk shit about her daddy


but that's been shot to hell because i was just informed that i have to go to a stupid christmas party TONIGHT with J so he can do some networking.
[insert all kinds of profanity here]
if he's the one who's gotta do all the networking, why the fuck do i need to be there?
now, i gotta hurry around town to get a facial, mani/pedi, find a dress and some shoes, and find someone to do my hair.
all at the last minute.

why is he so fucking stupid?
he had to have known about this damn party well in advance but he decides to tell me 7 hours before we have to be there.
douchebag.

i can totally pull this shit off though.
i'll get everything done and still have an hour left to fuck around but i won't out of fear of messing up my hair.
but then there's the actual party where i'll be forced to mingle with rich and miserable housewives.
i hate those bitches.
i jut know one of those whores is gonna touch my belly without asking and i'm gonna have to stab a bitch in the face.
ugh.
J promised me somebody's gonna get drunk and tell everybody's business-- you know there's some scandalous shit in the corporate world-- so i have to use the high probability of old-people drama as my motivation.
that, and we get a [free] ride in a limo there and back.
we haven't fucked in one of those things in a long time.

wish me luck.

Labels: so random, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:12 AM | |

i am so fucking hungry.
and i shouldn't be.
i got up at 6 and made myself french toast, scrambled eggs, along with some stawberries, blueberries, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce.
i didn't keep much of that down so around 8 i was sitting on the floor in our bedroom eating everything in the mini-fridge.
i just made J get his drunk ass out of bed to go to mcdonald's and get me a mcgriddle and some hash browns and a mcflurry.
this is why i'm so fucking huge now.
i'm a pig.
it's not baby fat.
just fat.

****

i should be studying for finals right now but i don't really feel like it.
i have this weekend plus monday to do it.
ooh, i have a checkup on wednesday.
hopefully, i'll get through it without having to choke a bitch.

****

someone asked me if i thought letting J cum on my tits, stomach, or back was degrading.
i don't think so. in fact, i encourage it.
that means i don't have to get out of bed to go pee when we're done.
a coupla baby wipes will take care of that little mess.
as long as he doesn't fuck with my hair, we won't have any problems.
how 'bout y'all?
degrading or no?

****

J and i have been discussing possible birthing methods.
there's the hospital, a midwife, and water birth at home.
he's leaning towards the water birth at home thing because it's supposedly less traumatic for the baby.
but i'd rather be in a hospital because there are so many things that could go wrong, which is one of my biggest fears......and they have the drugs.
i will get over my fear of needles. i have to have drugs if i'm gonna push this baby out of my giney.
i've seen enough live births and episodes of "a baby story" to know there's no way in hell i'm having my baby without some serious drugs.
i even have a list of things that are and are not allowed when i go into labor.

allowed:
drugs
J
the camcorder
doctors
the soon-to-be grandmas [maybe]

not allowed:
unnecessary talking
J passing out
looking at the giney [unless you're a doctor]
camera shots of the giney
"ewwwwwww"
my hair looking a mess
the soon-to-be grandpas
bitch ass nurses


there's some other stuff but that's off the top of my head.

****

oooh, food's here!

Labels: baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:15 AM | |

i don't really have anything to write about, hence the lack of posting recently.

-i'm practically finished with school-- classes are over but i still have finals. i'm really irked by people who ask me what i plan to do after graduation and then give me this snotty look when i say i'm gonna have my baby and be a stay-at-home mom for a while. you can kiss my ass.

i'm really annoyed with J. he's always touching me. i love that man more than anyone will ever be able to understand but he gets on my goddamn nerves. i'm sure he feels the same about me sometimes but i don't really give a fuck. stop touching me all the damn time.

-my fuzzy slippers make my feet stink.

-recent google hits:

-i had to buy a new coat cause i've gotten too fat for my old ones.

-i think baby girl recognizes J's voice now. when i'm around other people talking, she's not really that active. it's like she's eavesdropping and doesn't want anyone to know she's there. but whenever J comes around and starts talking after we've not seen each other in a while, she's like "THAT'S MY DADDY!" and goes berserk.

-i'm making this blog private on friday. so if you want to continue reading my nonsense AND you know i like you, make sure you leave your email address in the field when you comment so i can send you an invite thingy.

toodles!

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:55 PM | |

i'm pooped.
partied late saturday night.
i don't think i've done that since i found out i was pregnant.
i had a great time but i got only three hours of sleep in before having to get ready for the colts/titans game.

you know, J says the tickets to that game was one of my gifts, but i think he was lying.
he bought the tickets a while ago; the fact that the game fell on the weekend of my birthday is just a coincidence.
and my poor baby girl was traumatized again by all the rabid, screaming fans who all deserve to die a slow, torturous death.

my belly button itches.
is that normal?
i think it's ready to pop out.
ewww.
is there any way to prevent that shit?
like, can push it in and put some duct tape over it to hold it there?
i really don't want a retarded belly button.

oh, and that whole "glowing" thing?
i don't see a glow.
i see blotchiness.
but i'll take the blotchy stuff over stretch marks any day.
i will not have stretch marks.
some people are gonna get hurt if i get stretch marks.


the best thing about being pregnant [besides my baby, of course] though is the sex.
the sex is fabulous.
it was great before, but even moreso now with all the bloodflow down yonder.
J can just look at me the right way and i'll cum.
this thing is getting plenty of good use nowadays.
i don't know how we're gonna explain to baby girl she can't play on mommy and daddy's swing though.

i really need to finish this paper.
some sleep would be nice too.
how bout them cowboys titans?
--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:56 PM | |

-blogger and haloscan hate me today.

-thanks for the birthday wishes y'all.

-we made up. you should know by now no matter how much i say i fucking hate him and hope he dies, that douchebag is my heart. plus, he begs and cries and bought me a really nice birthday present. and there's sex. duh!

-i'm very annoyed with the lurkers and the people who end up here by googling 'britney spears with no pannies'. just fucking die already.

-being pregnant is kinda like going through puberty all over again. i feel so awkward with this new body-- i've got tits, hips, and ass i didn't have before and i'm always horny. i'm more moody/bitchy than i was before. oh, yes, it's possible.

-i hate people who try to guess the sex of my baby. everyone's gotten it right because i'm carrying high and that supposedly means it's a girl. i'm pretty sure i'm gonna gouge out the eyes of the person who gets it wrong. i'm crazy like that.

-i'm ready for some [SEC] football. i really wish both teams could lose though. i hate florida and arkansas.

Labels: so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:56 PM | |

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:37 PM | |

fuck.
i have no willpower.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 11:01 AM | |

despite all the goodies i've gotten today, i'm not a very happy birthday girl.


--my mentor threw me a mini-surprise birthday/graduation/baby shower thingamajig.
it was really nice.
usually if i get a call to come to campus on a friday, it's because one of the other researchers i work with has fucked up something.
so when i got a call this morning to be there, i was not a happy camper.
i'm pretty sure i cussed out someone, but by then i was mad at the world so i'd have went off on anyone.
but i got a party!
yays.
some of the faculty in the department and a few of the grad students/research assistants actually love me.
they fed me cake and bought me baby girl stuff.
i guess i should probably take back a few of the nasty things i've said and thought about those bitches.

--my mommy sent me candles, silk sheets, silk pajamas, and cocoa butter.
i loves it.
fyi: it's not very smart to wear silk pj's after you've slathered cocoa butter all over your mid-section because you think it prevents stretch marks AND/OR if have silk sheets on the bed and like to pretend it's a water slide.
it's not gonna be a pretty situation.

--J's mom sent me a pink and black taliban afghan she made for baby girl. whatever.

--a couple of my friends bought me a breast pump and a really ugly maternity bra sorta kinda as a gag gift. i cried. it's so depressing.

--i thought my dad would call me to at least wish me a happy birthday if nothing else, but this is why i don't get paid to think.
getting access to my trust fund is pretty sweet nonetheless.

--and then there's J.
you know that little saying "if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is"?
yeah, that's pretty much the only way i can describe him at this point.

okay, hinder's "lips of an angel" is not a ring tone you should assign to your ex-girlfriend's phone number.
if you do, it's best not to have your [ex-]fiance/mother of your unborn child find out about it the night before her birthday when you're in the middle of having sex.

i never had a problem with him talking to her, until that time she called and hung up when i answered.
even after that bullshit, i didn't really care.
but that song of all the fucking ring tones he has on that stupid phone, he chose that one as her ring.
his ex-girlfriend


man, fuck him and her.
they can have each other.

i'm gonna go buy a christmas tree and decorate as much of this place i can.
cry.
i'll probably eat the rest of my birthday cake and ice cream.
cry.
i'll definitely listen to my baby girl wiggle around, tell her how much i fucking hate her daddy and how his conniving ass doesn't deserve us, and cry.
maybe i'll talk to him, but only to tell him to go fuck himself because at this particular moment in time there's really nothing he could say to me to make me not think he's either cheating or planning to.
i'm pretty sure there will be some more crying.

happy birthday to me.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:10 PM | |