i think external forces are trying to sabotage me.
that's the only way i can explain it.
'they' don't want me to be happy and they're doing a damn fine job making sure that doesn't happen.
first, there was the one who said i should abort my baby because he doesn't want a mixed baby in his family.
then, there was the doctor constantly making me feel like a horrible mom with all her "gain more weight" bullshit.
next, was the one who pretty much accused me of trying to steal her son away.
now, i have a nursery with no furniture.

before, it was a nursery without furniture because it hadn't arrived.
now, it's a nursery without furniture because the company sucks monkey nuts and feces and sent the wrong fucking furniture.

my eye is starting to twitch again.

you know that saying "there's no use in crying over spilled milk"?
that shit so does NOT apply when you're pregnant.
i've literally cried over spilled milk along with dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower, my cellphone taking too goddamn long to dial out, J rolling his eyes at me, having to go get the mail, and all other kinds of nonsense.
oh yeah, i cried because baby girl started getting the hiccups and thought something was wrong with her, but it turns out that shit is perfectly normal.
i'm straight up on some other shit.

and something else: J thisfuckingclose to making me seriously hurt him.
somebody done lied to that boy and told him he could still have a life while i'm sitting here miserable, fat, and pregnant.
nuh uh, buddy.
i may not be able to make him gain weight with me, but i will make his life hell.
i can't go out partying and drinking so he can't either.
i can't have all the sex i want so there will be no doubling up on the blowjobs.
fuck that shit.
that sumbitch is gonna be stuck in this house just as sexually frustrated as i am for the next three months, plus another 6 weeks after baby girl is born.
no more mr. nice mimi.

along with all the crying and shit, my ass has gotten extremely clumsy.
i've broken fifty dozen plates and glasses.
my center of gravity is thrown off.
i can't lay on my back cause i'l have an aneurysm trying to get my fat ass up.
i yell a lot.
i didn't yell before.
i'd get angry beyond belief but i'd never yell.
anytime there's a baby on tv, i cry.
i don't even know why the hell i'm crying, i just do.
oh wells.


y'all have a merry christmas/hanukah/kwanzaa/whateverthefuck you're celebrating.
i'm going home for a few days to deal with all that madness cause i'm a glutton for punishment.
gotta go.
see ya when i see ya.
xoxo
--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:14 AM | |