i was just reading my little pregnancy week-by-week "guide".
it said i should have "gained as much as 24 pounds by now".
I'M ALMOST DOUBLE THAT!
LIES!
ALL LIES!!!

i'm going to attempt to take solace in that my sister gained almost 70 pounds while she was pregnant and that bitch doesn't even look like she had a damn near 10 pound baby now.

i will not cry.
i will not cry.
i will not cry.
i will not cry.

okay, i need a moment......

***

J's gone to class.
he won't be home until like 4:30.
he's been gone only 2 hours; we've talked twice and texted a bunch since then, but i miss him.
ugh.
i don't know how i'm gonna deal with him being in school and me being home alone with a newborn.
i don't know how he's gonna deal with being in school and having a newborn at home period.
i'm good with babies.
i was practically a mom to my niece until she was 2, but it's different when it's your own baby.
and i'm not the most mentally stable person, what if i go into postpartum depression after she's born?

we've talked about having a live-in nanny but i don't trust people.
i especially wouldn't trust a stranger to live in my house and take care of my baby.
the moms have individually offered to stay with us for 6 weeks after she's arrived, but i can barely stand them for a weekend; 6 weeks ain't happenin.
i've had a couple of friends offer to help out as well, but i don't know.
i don't want people touching and breathing all over her and trying to take my place.

oh, new day.
new stressors.

***

has anyone had any problems checking gmail?
my inbox is refusing to open for some reason.
so, if you've emailed me in the past 12 hours and i haven't replied, it's not that i don't love you.
gmail is being a big bitch right now.

xo

Labels: baby business, my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:50 PM | |