i still feel like shit.
my chest hurts from all the coughing.
Jay wants me to go see my general practitioner but i'm so tired of dealing with doctors. i'm with the OB every week to track baby girl's growth. that's stressful enough. i don't wanna deal with that prick with the fuzzy knuckles trying to give me a shot in the ass and telling me what i already know-- i have bronchitis. i've got my little humidifier, grape juicy juice, chicken noodle soup, and my blanket. i'll be fine. oh, there's the weirdo who's always touching me.
i'd smack the shit out of him and tell him to fuck off, but after last night's conversation about him feeling excluded (WTF???), i'm gonna play nice. he's been pretty chill throughout this whole pregnancy while i go from one extreme to another every other minute. i don't know what the hell happened yesterday though. we were going over a list of things to put in the overnight bag for the hospital and i told him i didn't really need his help and he snapped. he said i'm a control freak and i don't include him enough in all the baby business and some other stuff that hurt my feelings.

everything he said was true but he doesn't want to understand that he and i DO NOT and WILL NOT experience this pregnancy the same way. the health and safety of this baby rests primarily on me. he can go out and do whatever the fuck he wants without any [direct] consequences whatsoever to zoe. everything i do and have done since she was conceived matters. i know a big part of the reason she's still so small is because of all the drinking and smoking i did when i didn't know i was pregnant, so i'm harboring a lot of guilt because of that. that guilt is the reason i'm so controlling and rigid about anything related to baby girl now. being in control of something keeps me sane.
i appreciate everything Jay does and love him even more for it; i'd die without him. we both need really to work on looking at things from the other's perspective, though. i'm sure it would minimize the number of times he gets smacked in the face with the remote control significantly.

the reminds me of a stats phrase i absolutely abhor: significantly statistically different [or some variation of it]. i hated doing presentations where i had to say that cause i'd never say it right the first time.

oh, how i digress.

anyhoos, the boy and i are working on our issues. i still hate his parents. totally irrelevant but i really needed to get that out.

there's a chance of some icy rain and/or snow coming our way. is it wrong that i'm hoping the roads get really icy and nasty so Jay can't drive to memphis on friday and fly out to miami for the superbowl? i don't want him to leave me all alone for 4 whole days. i promise i'll double up on the blowjobs. i'll even swallow a little bit. JUST DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!

did i mention i'm supposed to have another baby shower? i didn't? oh wells.
2 of my really good friends wanted to throw one for me. at first, i thought i would help just because i don't trust their planning skills. so the deal was for them to get together and get all the details worked out, run it by me, and they could go from there. not too difficult right?
wrong.
these bitches have done nothing but argue. the only thing they agreed on was the date to have the shower. i've got enough shit to deal with so i just told them the whole thing was off. i put it in some not so nice words, but you get the point. no second baby shower. it's not a big whoop. we have everything we need and i could do without all that pink again.



* not really, but cheaters is fucking hilarious.

Labels: baby business, my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:50 PM | |