i used to think i was gonna have at least 4 kids because i wanted a large family. not no mo'. pregnancy and i don't really mesh well. i'm quite unstable without the pregnancy hormones. if it weren't for that and the rapid weight gain, i think i'd enjoy pregnancy but i don't. this shit is not working for me. i mean, words will never be able to capture the love i have my baby girl, but this just isn't for me.
i know we'll try again for a boy when zoe's around 2 and i've had time to re-adjust, but if it doesn't happen, i won't be too disappointed. we can adopt. i'm not on some angelina or madonna shit though. i don't need to go to another country to steal adopt a baby. i'm getting a little too far ahead of myself. Jay and i are barely speaking to each other and i'm on baby #2.

you know? he's really pissing me off because i don't know if he's still mad about that fight, if he's just being an ass so i'll appreciate his valentine's gift more [which btw just feeds the pissiness because i don't know what or if he's gotten me anything], or if he's dealing with some other shit he doesn't wanna talk to me about. whatever it is, some goddamn love and attention would be nice. asshole.

our very first valentine's day together [but not really together] he was a little douchebag. you know how in elementary school you get those cartoon-ish valentine cards and give 'em out to the whole class?
yeah.
3rd grade, our class had a little party so we could exchange the little cards and candies with our classmates. my mom made cupcakes. i remember my little brother got sick because he kept sneaking spoonfuls of batter when she wasn't paying attention.

anyhoos, that year, it was a monday, J brought looney tunes valentine cards and he gave one to every single girl in the class except ME. by this time, we had kinda marked each other as our territory but we still hated each other. so, when i realized he didn't give me a card, i was as livid as an 8 year old can get. i took one of those cupcakes and smashed it all in his face. and he pushed my little ass into the chalkboard and bit me. and i bit him back. we rolled around on the floor for like a minute screaming, trying to kill each other. then we got sent home with a 3 day suspension. that happened a lot. but ever since that valentine's day, he's always bought me something. even when we were broken up, he sent me flowers, a teddy bear, and some perfume. i threw it away because i hated his guts, but the fact that he still sent me a gift made my innards all warm and fuzzy.

where was i going with this?

OH! if i don't get at least a "happy valentine's day", i'm raising all kinds of hell up in here. don't be surprised if you see my pregnant ass on your local news getting carried away in handcuffs.

you know what? it's really cool that baby girl was conceived on or around Jay's birthday, but i fucking hate the month of march. it's unnecessarily long and my allergies are always a bitch.
BUT
there is spring break and march madness. yays!
BUT!
i'm out of college and i'm pregnant so i won't be at nobody's beach wearing a bikini with a margarita in one hand and somebody's dick in the other. i have no spring break. and my interest in college basketball has fallen dramatically this season. i think it's because JJ Redick doesn't play for duke anymore. he makes my giney wet.

ugh. i'm so ready to have this baby. i have 50 whole motherfucking pounds to lose by this summer. and that's not very far away. summer begins when Jay graduates. may 11th. that gives me less than 2 months post-partum to get rid of this shit. oh, i feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into depression.

happy thoughts.....

check-up tomorrow! even if i don't get any special attention from the sperm donor, i'll have seen my little wiggle worm. i'll be pissed, but that little squishy face always makes my day. =)

that's the only happy thought i have at the moment.

everything else is just a big disappointment and irks the hell out of me. what was i thinking when i decided the nursery should be pink and black? i loved the room when Jay painted it. but the other night when i sitting in there talking to my little one, it just looked horrible. i don't want that color scheme anymore. i hate it. it's so gross. it literally made me sick.

i need to find someone who does cornrows really well. almost everytime i watch "a baby story", those women in labor's hair is always fucked up. and y'all know i'm sensitive about my hair. i can't be looking like medusa while giving birth. i know you're thinking "you're gonna be pushing a baby out of your cooch. your hair is gonna be the last thing on your mind."
and that, my friends, is where you're all wrong. almost a year ago, Jay and i were in a really bad accident that could've killed me. i cried THE MOST over not being able to do my hair because my arms were so sore and bruised.
so yeah, i need a 'do that's gonna last for at least a week, otherwise we're gonna have to tell zoe all cameras were on recall the day she was born and that's why we have no pictures of her and mommy after her arrival.

i'm so fucking horny. Jay's gonna have to get over whatever he's going through right now and give me some dick when he gets home. i should not have to be sexually frustrated when i have a man with a fully functioning peen living with me.

i know, my thoughts are all over the place today. aren't they always? it doesn't matter. i'm just gonna blame it on the pregnancy anyway.

Labels: baby business, my love, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:40 PM | |