today .....not so great.

it started around 1:30 this morning. all of a sudden i just started freaking the fuck out about having the ECV. this is my first full-term pregnancy. i don't know what i'm doing or what to expect, i'm just winging it. even though the doctor explained the whole procedure to me, it just didn't seem right. he's basically said this is my only option since the breech-baby exercises haven't worked and we don't wanna have a c-section early as she needs the next few weeks to gain more weight.

after really thinking about it, the version sounds so barbaric-- having someone FORCE, not coax, FORCE zoe to turn head-first. physically moving her (!!!) one position to another in utero. she likes to play with the cord; what if it gets caught around her neck and cuts off her oxygen supply? what if he ruptures the placenta? what if her heart rate gets too low or too high? what if they have to take her and her little lungs aren't well-developed? what if? what if? what if?

so basically, in the hours before we had to leave to go to the hospital there was:
hysterical crying >>> hyperventilating >>> asthma attack >>> panic attack >>> black out >>> more hysterical crying

eventually, i settled down because i didn't wanna stress out baby girl, but the whole drive to the hospital, i was a nervous wreck. fidgeting and biting my nails and cuticles. i've never been a nail-biter.

when we finally got there, my mom [surprise!] was waiting for us in the lobby area. i was sooo happy she was there. it took a lot of the stress off Jay and i really needed some motherly TLC.

around 6:30am, some nurse took me to get my vitals checked and blood drawn.
now, because i have a fear of needles and i was still pretty freaked out about the version, i needed a moment to get myself together and not be so tense, as that makes the whole process even more difficult. so, i told the nurse just that and to Jay or my mom come back because i need someone to hold my hand and distract me. that bitch copped an attitude and got all huffy with me because i was delaying everything. i wanted to cuss her out but i just requested another nurse. i didn't want that hostile bitch anywhere near me or my baby with a sharp object.

so, we got all that out of the way and i got wheeled into the room where the ECV will be done.

cue: brutal breakdown #2


we're in the labor & delivery/nursery part of the hospital.
i'm now 37 weeks pregnant.
i don't wanna be in the hospital when i'm not about to have my baby. i'm about to let this doctor torture my unborn child and possibly go into premature labor.
meems is not particularly happy with this moment.

but, i got some reassuring words from Jay and my mom and the nice nurse, all the while somebody's putting an IV in my arm. apparently, i was so out of mind, i didn't even notice it until i stopped crying and felt the tube on my arm. that's probably a good thing though.

finally, around 7:30, nuDoc and an anesthetist [who was on standby just in case] stroll in and we're ready to get the show on the road.

first up, nonstress test for baby girl. her little heart rate was up so we had to wait another ten minutes and do the test again. she was fine that time. yays(?) for baby girl.

then, i got an injection of some tocolytic drug to "relax the uterus".

after a few minutes of waiting, the actual version began.



i have never experienced anything like that in my life. it was sooo painful and distressing. Jay was right there holding my hand and telling me it would be over in a few minutes and not to worry, and i cried the WHOLE time. it was supposed to take only 3-5 minutes, but i have a stubborn baby. i think she was just as freaked out as i was because her heart rate went up and she refused to move. so we had to stop for a bit, and try again.

the second time, he got her to turn, but not without a fight. i was so relieved when it was finally over, but i wanted to kill almost every person in that room.

there was a final nonstress test for baby girl. her heart rate was up, but not significantly high, so all was well with her. i waspast ready to get the fuck out of there and go home. of course, that didn't happen. my blood pressure was really high, so the doctor wanted me to stay until it was back to normal again.

overall, everything went well and i'm so thankful my little girl is fine and i didn't have to deliver early, but i don't ever want to experience that shit again.

we finally left the hospital around 9am and went to get some breakfast with my mom and came back home. i immediately went upstairs and got in bed and slept for a couple hours. i think my mom did a couple loads of laundry and cleaned the kitchen. i was kinda disappointed she couldn't stay around a little longer, but she had to be back in memphis in time to pick up C from school.

after i woke up, my stomach was so fucking sore. it hurt to get out of bed and walk to that bathroom, walk back and sit down again. it felt like i did a thousand sit-ups and somebody came over and slugged me in the stomach with a sledge hammer.

it's not as bad now since i soaked in the bath for almost an hour, but it's still pretty painful. i was spotting a little while ago, but the doc said that's to be expected as long as it isn't a lot or dark red. i've been hooked up to the fetal heart monitor for the past hour-- she seems fine, but i can't help to think she has to be at least slightly traumatized by the whole thing. my poor little zoe. i feel so bad for her.

since Jay is pretty much on spring break, as he doesn't have [mandatory] classes tomorrow, he's gonna be my bitch for the next two weeks. unfortunately, there will be no sex in the champagne room over the next couple of days. he does make really good smoothies though.

Labels: baby business

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:35 PM | |