hold up.
wait a minute.
let me put some pimpin' in it.

my hunny's back! yays! i missed his stinkin ass.
he got home around 10ish monday morning.
i was so happy to see him i peed my shorts a little.
the dog peed all on his leg and the floor.
and of course baby girl was excited to hear her daddy's voice so she did roundhouse kicks and backflips all over my uterus.

we pretty much stayed in bed all day. he told me about all the famous people he saw and met [jealousssssss!!!!], and we watched some of the stuff he filmed over the weekend, but mostly we just snuggled and caught up on the sex. the only time we got out of bed was to go to the bathroom and get food from the kitchen.


today was more of the same for him. he's still tired from the weekend so he ditched classes and slept all day while i did the usual shit-- baby business, eating, napping, walking the dog, cleaning, etc.

CLEANING!

i've always had a thing about vacuuming, but i really don't know how the obsessive cleaning habit started. it was definitely around the time Jay and i started dating the second time around but it wasn't because he and i were dating.

i remember this one time my mom got so fed up with me leaving my clothes scattered all over my room, she picked up all the clothes i had lying around and put them all on my bed as incentive for me to put the shit away. but no, i just laid a blanket over them and slept on top of the pile for almost a month. once she realized i wasn't gonna put any of it away, my mom threw everything that wasn't in a closet or drawer in a big trash bag and gave it all to the goodwill. that was one of many times i raised unholy hell in that house. but that's beside the point.

i think the older i get the more like my mom i become. that's a hard pill to swallow; especially when i've insisted the only likeness we share are DNA and a tendency to cuss people out at any given moment. in fact, i've spent most of my life making sure i'm nothing like that woman because of how fucked up i've turned out to be. and now i'm gonna be a mom.

7 weeks to go.

i think i'm more anxious than anything else now. i can hardly wait to meet this little wiggle worm that's been living inside me and listening to my crazy ass the past 8 months. but of course, there are always those moments where i feel completely overwhelmed and unprepared for all this baby business. the pregnancy is the easy part. what the fuck am i gonna do when she's actually here? i don't know. i'm just really afraid i'm gonna try so hard to be everything my mom wasn't that i'll end up a bad mom anyway and my kids will turn out just as, if not more, emotionally fucked up as i am.

ugh. i really need to figure out how to go to sleep at a decent hour and stay asleep.
this late-night blogging ain't my cup o' tea.

Labels: baby business, my love, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:23 AM | |