i think i did something i shouldn't have done. but it really wasn't my fault. i wouldn't be so conniving and manipulative if Jay would just do what i say and give me what i want when i want it.

okay, so my friend A is moving to North Carolina in July since she'll be starting grad school there in the fall. in the meantime, she's kinda looking after her niece since her sister is a big dummy. i'd call her something worse but i'm working on that whole not being so mean and malicious thing, but that's besides the point. since A is probably one of maybe 3 females i actually consider friends, i wanna hang out with her as much as possible before she leaves. so i told her to come over today so we could catch up and lay out and stuff once i got done working out. and i may or may not have had ulterior motives for doing that.

Jay knows i really really really really REALLY want us to have another baby but he wouldn't agree to it. when we finally talked about it, he was like, "i'm not saying yes and i'm not saying no". asshole. but since A's niece is still in that really cute baby phase, i thought it wouldn't hurt for Jay to be around her and maybe bring out some of his paternal yearnings. he was just as excited about having Zoe and other little crumbsnatchers; that doesn't just go away overnight.

and i was right. the kid loved him and gave him tons of sloppy kisses, and he was so adorable playing peek-a-boo and bouncing her all over the place. i could tell he was thinking about not getting to do any of that stuff with our baby girl. but what i wasn't expecting was for him to actually break down and cry after they left. i knew he would get a little emotional, but i was expecting or hoping more of his reaction to be in response to the idea of us having another baby. i don't know, my reasoning behind it sounds right in my head, but it was wrong for me to use someone else's kid to get my way.


bad mimi.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:18 PM | |