howdy folks.

i don't particularly care for this weather we're having. it's hot and there's supposed to be a storm later on. i don't like it. not one bit.

more importantly, Jay is done with finals. i'm really happy about that. he was not a very nice person to be around the past couple of weeks. he came home yesterday with the cutest little teddy bear, a card, and some gorgeous white daffodils to apologize for being a doodoohead.

but then he ruined it by making me cheat on my diet with a big bag of flamin' hot cheetos and a mountain dew. y'all know i can't resist that shit. it was sooooo good but i felt really bad cause i've been doing so well up until now. okay, i may have had a couple of snickers but that's only because that fucker didn't put gas in my car after driving it and left me no choice but to go the gas station where there's all that chocolatey goodness sitting right in your face. so both times i've cheated were his fault. he does it on purpose because he doesn't want me to lose any more weight.

the rational side of me knows i'm at an acceptable weight and size now, but that other side doesn't know if i'll be comfortable in my own skin again until i'm exactly the weight i was before i was pregnant; even though it's probably not the healthiest for me.

BUT i do miss real food. i'm a southern girl. i like meat and potatoes and bread and junk food and not working out 4 hours a day. though i'm loving my workouts now, but those damn V8s have got to get the fuck out of my life.

seriously, this diet has been torture. however, i've lost almost 40 pounds in about 6 weeks so it's definitely been worth it.

mornings: wake up. maybe have some sex. shower. 1 mile run. shower. breakfast-2 cups of some fresh fruit. either grapes and apples or blueberries and strawberries. glass of milk. water.

midday: hit the gym for a few hours and pretend no one in the world exists. home to shower. lunch- 2 V8s. maybe an energy bar. water. get really pissy because Jay's not home for some afternoon delight. it's cardio!

evening: 20 minutes of yoga. bitch at Jay for eating whateverthefuck he wants while i eat practically nothing. angry sex. dinner- steamed veggies and brown rice aka DOG VOMIT. flavored water. dessert- frozen sugar-free whipped cream. i pretend it's ben & jerry's. then there's usually a mini-breakdown because i miss my baby girl.

and i do it all over again the next day. except now Jay's gonna be home all the time. i was really excited about that but now he's decided to stop taking his Ritalin after graduation. i am not a huge fan of his when he's not taking that stuff. i know it'll be good for him because he absolutely hates taking it, but i need him on it for my own sanity. he's gonna be around here swinging on the chandeliers, jumping off the balcony, and i won't have a moment of piece after he gets his graduation present. what the fuck was i thinking buying that?

all bitchiness aside, i'm so proud of him and how well he's managed to keep everything together with all that has happened this past year--horrible car accident, unplanned pregnancy, the fallout with his family, losing the baby. ugh. i don't think i'd wish our lives these past months on my worst enemy. i know i gripe and complain about a lot of things he does, but he truly is an amazing man and i am so lucky and grateful to have in my life. and you can't have him.

be jealous. ^_^

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:19 PM | |