did y'all miss me? of course you did.

(1) i don't like people stealing my words.

first, it was 'asshat'. technically, that was my mom's word, but dammit she doesn't have a blog to make it famous.

now, it's 'frienemies'. THAT'S MY GODDAMN WORD! i don't want my word used in reference to the cokewhores of hollywood.

fuck you, E! News! fuck you with a sick dick!

*****

(2) weekend highlights:

it definitely wasn't as bad as i had anticipated. i had envisioned two days of people giving me nasty looks and talking shit and having to beat up some bitches. but i found out it's really all of the older adults who don't like me....cause they're stupid. the ones in my age range are somewhat decent people. their accents really irk me, but they like me or at least pretended to.

they're all really stuck up. if you don't make a certain amount of money, you don't exist in their little world. some of their family members weren't invited because they're working class people. how fucked up is that?

*

the wedding itself was beautiful. cheesy, but still beautiful. the ceremony and reception were at Jay's grandparents' house. the bride [Jay's cousin] and groom exchanged vows at sunset under the gazebo, her parents and grandparents were married.

gag me with a spoon.

i mean, good for those two tying the knot. i hope they have their happily ever after, but i give it a year, two at the most, before one's serving the other divorce papers.

you know how you can just tell when two people are genuinely in love and in it for the long haul and those who are just together out of convenience and comfort? some people get married for love, others because the bride just wants a big, pretty, expensive wedding to brag about. yeah, they fall into the latter categories.

i'm sure they love each other, but i just couldn't picture them growing old together. then again, sorority girl and frat boy could be perfect for each other. what the hell do i know?

*

i only cussed at 3 out the 500 people there. Jay was first. that whole conversation could've been avoided if he didn't think like a man all the time. i'm wearing a dress and carrying a clutch purse that will barely hold a pack of gum, where the fuck am i supposed to put a damn camera? i still love him though.

i cussed out his brother because of his lame attempt to apologize to me as if i would actually believe anything that comes out his herpes-infested mouth. when he first came over and started talking, i just looked at him and rolled my eyes thinking that would be enough to shoo him away. but no, this motherfucker kept on talking. i have a short fuse with people like that, so i told him to get the fuck out of my face before i stabbed in the neck with my fork. and that was the end of that.

then there was the cousin who's either adopted or the mailman's kid cause she doesn't look like anyone in his family. every time i've ever been around her, she's talking about whose dick she was sucking on that week and making every conversation about her.

she's in her mid-thirties, and you'd think at some point she'd get that it's not cute anymore, but she hasn't. so, basically, she's a fat, nasty, desperate, attention-seeking whore.

i don't particularly care for her. Jay knows this, but he thought it would be fun to see how long it would take for me to choke her if he left me alone at the table. the only reason he got away is because of my hip injury. he was too quick for me. if i was 100%, i would've tackled his ass to the ground.

lucky for me, one of Jay's aunts was sitting there mingling and she's always been really nice to me. she really liked my dress and i'm shallow so i like it when people talk about how pretty i look.

she asked me how i lost all the pregnancy weight so fast. she said at Jay's graduation she couldn't even tell i had even been pregnant and wanted to ask what my *secret* was but wasn't sure how i'd respond.


all i got out was "i had a very strict diet and did lots of exercise" before that big heifer whore interrupted and goes "I've been working out the past few weeks. I've lost 10 pounds and can really see the difference [i call BULLSHIT!]. I'm becoming much more confident in myself and guys notice that. I've been asked out by several gorgeous men and I know it's because my new level of confidence."

of course, the other women sitting at the table were co-signing that shit. "yeah. absolutely. you look great! good for you!" i'm sitting there thinking, 'bitch, please' and chuckled a bit. she scoffed at me and goes "excuse me? do you have something to say?"

*bitch-switch activated*

"if a guy wants to get laid, he's gonna scope out the attractive girl first. once he figures out she's just a tease and not gonna put out, he's gonna go for the mediocre-looking, but guaranteed lay because that's all he wants. the whole time you're fucking, he's not thinking about you, darlin. he's gonna go home, call his friends, and talk about how he took one for the team. let's face it, you're not drop dead gorgeous. the fact you managed to snag a good-looking man has nothing to do with how confident you THINK you are, and everything to do with you having low self esteem and confusing casual sex for mutual attraction and feelings. guys can smell that shit a mile away. if that weren't the case, you, a thirty-something self-proclaimed cougar, would be here with a man talking about your developing relationship instead of here alone talking about meaningless one-night stands. and here's a hint, the head isn't that great if you can't keep 'em around long enough for a second date. looks like wisdom doesn't come with age in your case."

i win.

don't do me. i'm a grown ass woman. you can't be rude and talk over me like i'm some red-headed stepchild. that shit is rude.

i heard she went and cried in the bathroom. i don't care. don't interrupt me when i'm talking and we'll have a funky, good time.

*

the old people didn't like it when Jay and i danced because he was feelin' on my booty. haters.

*****

(3) today makes it 4 months and it still feels like it just happened yesterday.


it's storming outside.
i'm home alone.
i gotta go.
see ya when i see ya.

Labels: my love, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:09 PM | |