i'm pooped. physically and emotionally exhausted. i need some cheering up so i'm going out with some girls and some gays. Jay's going out with some douchebags aka his friends. we're supposed to meet up some time later, i guess. i kinda don't wanna go out because i always get into some fight when i go out to bars/clubs. some random bitch will find a reason to get all in my face and i'm left with no choice but to whoop her ass. it's not my fault. it's their fault for being jealous. it is a distraction, though.
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Jay's been bitching at me to quit smoking. we all can't be *social smokers* like
some people. i think that's weird. he smokes reefer everyday. i get that. the ganj is a beautiful thing. but the only time he smokes cigarettes is when we go to shows. 2 or 3 smokes and he's done. weirdo.
i'm gonna quit soon though. i think. when life isn't as stressful as it is now. summer's almost over and we've not had a summer sexfest. that's what we're doing this weekend-- from the time we get home tonight until monday morning when he has to leave for work-- fucking.
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there's a position open for a research assistant at v@ndy that i'm considering applying for. i'd be working in a lab, which i love, and it's great experience for what i want to do down the road, the salary is decent......but it's a full time position. i really don't wanna work full time right now, but i don't think i can just pass it over either. i haven't talked to Jay about it yet, but i'm sure he'll tell me to apply for it. he's all about me working if it's in my field and putting my degree to use, but if it's some little desk job or retail, he's not going for it. i think i need and want a little push from him to actually go for it, because i won't if he's not on board with it 100%.
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i was browsing through this forum for women who've had miscarriages and stillbirths thinking i would get some advice and maybe support dealing with the loss of my baby girl, but it just put me an even worse mood. i couldn't even pay attention to the actual content because i was so distracted by everyone's 'signature'. they all had the dates and names of their MULTIPLE miscarriages and stillbirths in bright colors and glitter like it was something to be happy about and proud of, like it's a fucking trophy or something. i don't get it. maybe it's just me, but i find absolutely nothing great and glittery and happy and rewarding about losing a baby. i don't wear that loss as some sort of badge of honor. something about that whole mess really disturbed and aggravated me.
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Jay and i were watching "mary, queen of scots" earlier today and i could not get over how much joely richardson looks like her mom, vanessa redgrave, when she [vanessa] was younger. google them and you'll see what i mean. i never really knew who joely was until nip/tuck, but i remember when i was younger seeing vanessa as guenevere in the camelot movie thinking she was one of the most amazingly gorgeous women i'd ever seen. then when i started watching nip/tuck i kept thinking joely looked like someone i knew but i could never put my finger on it, until i googled it and found out she was vanessa's daughter. mystery solved.
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i should probably start getting dressed now. and i need to make sure Jay doesn't look too good or smell too nice. you know how good-looking, nice-smelling man attracts all kinds of dirty skankiness, and i'd rather not get a phone call prompting me to go pull out some bitch's weave for being all over mine.
later gators.
Labels: my love, so random, this is who i am, weekend stuff
--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:16 PM |
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