i hate when i really want to write about something but never can quite get it out. my brain is one giant clusterfuck of thoughts. i should've majored in biology-- i've always liked and been intrigued with human anatomy and physiology. i can name almost every bone and muscle in the human body, the major arteries and veins in the heart, and all kinds of other useless shit i'll never use in "cognitive science".

i kinda had a little relapse the other day.....it was really stupid. i don't remember where i was leaving from, but i was somewhere in the city when Jay called and told me we'd have to have our movie night later than usual because he was gonna go get some drinks and dinner with some co-workers. i didn't let him know it upset me; i know he has to make appearances and be all social and shit with people from work. i don't like it but i thought i was handling the whole work thing pretty well. obviously, that's not the case, otherwise i would not have gone straight to krispy kreme and bought a dozen chocolate donuts and sat in my car and ate every single one of them. i was already feeling and fat and nasty, but that just made it worse. so, naturally, i made myself throw up and it made me feel slightly better, but not much. i went home to get some workout clothes and spent nearly 4 hours at the gym hoping that would make me feel a LOT better. i know i burned off all the calories since those donuts were all i had eaten that day, but i just felt worse than before. but instead of moping around the house until Jay got home, i just took a long shower and had a long nap.

i slept until Jay got home. he woke me up to harass me about the empty donut box sitting in my car. it's no big secret, he knew exactly what i'd done the second he saw that empty box.

that's always been my giveaway-- i always forget to get rid of allthe evidence. i'd get everything in my sight and trash it, but there would always be shit stuffed behind the driver's seat i'd miss. i used to lie and be like, "oh, i just haven't cleaned my car out in a while", and get away with it. but then i just stopped caring and told people to fuck off and mind their own damn business.

so, we had a venting session where we both got our frustrations with the other. and it helped a lot, i think. and we still got to cuddle and have our movie night which made me very happy.


yesterday was the interview at v@ndy for the job. i think it very well. the guy interviewing me was impressed with the research experience i had as an undergraduate. apparently, most don't get any of that until they start grad school and only because it's required. i'm one of only 4 people being interviewed for the position. i'm afraid having only a B.S. is gonna work against me but i did catch that guy looking at my ass when i was leaving, so maybe that will help. if not, there's another position in a different department i may apply for. they better be careful though; i'll only take so many rejections before i blow that whole motherfucking university to pieces.

hmm......i'm gonna go smoke a bowl or two and watch "the wall".

toodles!

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 3:19 PM | |