we're in the midst of a heat wave here in middle tennessee. so fucking lovely.

i had a nice weekend nonetheless.

saturday, Jay and i met a bunch of frienemies at the park so the boys could play football and the girls could pretend they were paying attention and cheer them on but were really talking about which boy has the cutest butt among other non-football related things. i did have to put a couple of bitches in their place with regards to comments about my man. that's a no-no. i know he looks good, keep your thoughts to yourself when i'm around.

i hate being around a bunch of bitches, especially ones i don't know all too well. it seems like all my male friends date the girliest girls who complain all the time; and i don't get along with those types. i drink, i smoke, i cuss, i burp the alphabet, i beat bitches up, you know, all the un-girly stuff. i'm a jeans and tshirt kind of gal, but i do have pretty fucking fierce collection of dresses, shoes, and handbags. i've never really "fit in" with the v@ndy c@ndy, not that i've ever wanted to. they're just not my cup of tea.

one bitch complained about everything. i know i have my moments but we heard this bitch whining as soon as we got to the park. i can't handle too much of that, so i had to cuss her out and put a stop to that quick, fast, and in a hurry.

then there was this other chick. she was somebody's sister or cousin. i don't know. Jay told me in advance that all of her wires didn't connect, but i didn't take it seriously. that bitch was fucking insane for real. seriously! she was a pathological liar! she would ask me something about Jay's and my relationship and like a minute later would say the exact same thing about her and her boyfriend that may or may not exist. and it wasn't like an "oh yeah, we did the same thing" or "that happened to us, too". no. uh uh. she took my story and made it hers. like, she asked how Jay and i met, and i told her the basics-- first day of 3rd grade. he tried to pinch my ass and i punched him and we got in trouble. a minute later she was saying that's how she and her boyfriend that may or may not exist met. after a while i just kinda stopped talking cause this bitch was trying to steal my life. shit is ill.

and of course there's always some motherfucker who brings up the baby. don't you think if that's something i wanted to talk about i'd be the one to speak on it first? what the fuck is wrong with people? it really wasn't even that someone asked me a question, it's just that after that one question is answered people think it's okay to ask more questions. and it's not. then, when i say i don't wanna talk about it, i'm a bitch. kiss my ass.

i did like that all the girls were jealous because Jay's very affectionate with me and their boys weren't paying much attention to them. my hunny is the bestest. =)

i could've done without all the bitches, but i got pretty awesome tan. i'm black, y'all!

that night, we went to the drive-in theater and saw "the simpsons movie" and "hot rod". we hadn't been to a drive-in movie in soooo long, so i was really excited about it. we brought tons of junk and soda with us and we were like 2 kids once we got there. it was definitely easier to give him a blowjob. those seats in the regular theaters make my job [pun intended] a little more difficult than it should be. i'm sure he didn't have any complaints either.

after we left the drive-in, we were still full of energy, so we went to the hustler store. that's always fun. everytime we're in there, i grab a gay porno and flash the cover at Jay so he can see the man butt sex. it's the funniest thing ever. he absolutely hates it. we didn't buy much, just some oils. i wanted to get one of the swings but Jay said that would be "too much", meaning we have enough toys around and there's nowhere to put it in when we have kids over. yeah, my niece found our wedge in the closet while we were sleeping and thought it was a toy she could play with and tried to strap herself on it. and it's pretty difficult to explain to a kid why they can't play with something that looks so fun. i'm getting me a stripper pole though. i don't care what he says.

after the hustler bust, we came home, watched tv, and i fell asleep. and like the sweetheart he is, Jay carried me upstairs, put on my pjs for me, and tucked me in. be jealous, bitches. haha.


yesterday, we pretty much stayed in until the sun went down. i FINALLY used my belgian waffle iron i got for christmas and made us breakfast in bed. they weren't the best, but the waffles turned out pretty good considering it was my first batch ever. i caught up with big brother episodes on demand. nick's gone. no more eye candy. =( i didn't really care for the way he disrespected daniele's relationship, but she allowed it so whatever. he was really cute though.
Jay alternated between sleeping and drooling on me and playing his guitar. he looks so adorable with his serious face on. so much cuteness.

when it was dark out, we went to the fair where i had 3 deliciously greasy, sugary funnel cakes. i know i'm a pig. don't judge me. the fair is always fun because you get to be a kid and no one cares. we ride every single ride we can at least twice, play all the games, and laugh like there's no tomorrow. macho man won too many prizes for me so we gave most of them away to kids we passed as we walked along the dusty trails. and what better way to end the night than with a romantic ride on the ferris wheel? it wasn't as romantic for the couple in the next cab. they were yelling about how much it smelled like piss. sucks for them.

that was my weekend. consider yourself updated.



p.s. there will be no planning of any wedding anytime soon. been there, done that. that shit is not fun. not at all. all the sketches, lists, and whatnot are still in their *safe place* though. besides, we're in a good place right now. we haven't had a single argument since we got back from bonnaroo. i'm pretty sure that's some kind of record.



*"crazy bitch" is Jay's latest ringtone just for me. isn't that special?

Labels: my love, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:01 AM | |