i feel like i've been totally slipping with this whole blogging thing for the past year [and a half?]. i don't update nearly as often as i used to. i used to constantly read blogs but i honestly don't remember the last time i sat here and read a single one. it's not that i don't love you, i just don't have the time. plus, my life is pretty boring now, so it's not like you're missing much on my end. i'm stuck in a routine and i don't particularly care for it.

this is all that boy's fault. i don't know exactly what he did, but it's his fault.

this is probably gonna sound really stupid, or maybe not; i don't know. but i kinda wish we'd waited to get engaged. it'll be 2 years next month and everyone keeps asking for a wedding date. annoying? yes. but the more people ask, the more i wonder why the hell we haven't at least set a date. that's the one thing Jay and i rarely talk about; it's just not in our forefront thoughts.

at the same time, i know if we weren't engaged now, or at least discussing it, i'd be so fucking bitter and be that girl always in his face asking "when are you gonna ask me to marry you?" no ma'am. my level of insecurity is just fine where it is now.

*sigh* i am making a lame attempt to re-start the whole wedding planning business. i wanna do everything myself cause, ya know, i'm a control freak, but i don't see it happening. again, i don't have the time. during the week, i wake up at 4:30 every morning. from then until i go to sleep, i'm busy with SOMETHING. there's always the weekend but it's football season and i live with a boy. and then there's the whole being estranged from our families thing that discourages me even more.

if it weren't for people and their wanting others to conform to their social norms, this would not be a problem. Jay and i would be just fine and dandy with our obscenely dysfunctional relationship.

all i know is at the end of every day, i just wanna be home and be with him and not think about anything else in the world.



i have a mosquito bite on my ass.
it itches.

Labels: my love, so random, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:34 PM | |