i don't know why but i'm finding it really hard to figure out what i wanna do with my life.

when i was a kid, everything was kinda planned out-- graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, then a couple others, become a clinical psychologist, and somewhere in between get married and have kids.

so far, i've only managed to get through college, *pretend* i'm married, and have one miscarriage and one stillbirth somewhere in between.

there are some things i'd like to do just for fun or just to say, 'i did it', but i have no real career aspirations. for a while, i was okay with the whole stay-at-home mom thing, but i don't know if i'd truly be happy doing that; newborns grow into toddlers which grown into pre-schoolers which grown into kindergartners and first graders and really don't need their mommies 24/7. then what? cleaning and cooking only takes up so much time. i don't know if y'all noticed this, but i get bored very easily. i need something to do. and that's where everything goes to pieces of shit because I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I WANT TO DO!!!!!!!

i've spent the past week crying because i don't even know if this is normal. everyone my age i know either has a job or is in grad school because they know what the hell they're doing. they have a 5-year plan. i have a dog who doesn't like me, a closet full of lysol and swiffer products and gym membership. and there's some boy i'm supposed to marry and have kids with but he doesn't really have time for me anymore. what the fuck is this?! why can't i get it together?!



somebody, please save me from myself.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:37 PM | |