first, thank y'all for wishing me a happy birthday. it started off a little rocky but it turned out fabulous, dahlings.

friday night, i stayed home by myself and drank half a bottle of wine. not a smart move. i haven't really had a drink in months. once upon a time, i could roll with the best of 'em, but mama's tolerance ain't where it used to be.

i was sad and mad so when Jay called me, i cussed him out 6 ways from sunday. i don't really remember much after that cause i passed out and didn't wake up until saturday morning slightly hungover. my mom, brothers and sisters, and some friends called to tell me happy birthday.

i got that special phone call from my niece i look forward to every year of her singing "go shawty, it's ya birfday." all kinds of cuteness. then, i got to talk to Jay for a while and he told me i was "very mean" to him and that he'd really appreciate it if i would learn to control my "filthy little mouth" and not talk to him that way anymore. he can bite me. but he did sing "happy birthday" and apologize for not being here to spend the day with me.

after talking to him, i cleaned and half-assed watched football. i really like cleaning when Jay's not around because he's always disturbing my flow. i thought about starting my own house-cleaning business but then i was like nah. i don't know what the hell i wanna do.

i pulled out the christmas stuff from the attic and almost broke my ass trying to get the shit down. now i remember why Jay's the only one who goes up there. i'm clumsy. i wanted to wait until papa bear got back to start with the christmas-y things, but i love putting up the christmas tree and decorating and all that good stuff. it's my birthday tradition.

so, after putting the tree together, there i was all excited about decorating it and the first ornament i pull out of the bag? baby's first christmas glass ornament.

talk about a downer. i had been doing really well not completely losing it thinking about having christmas without her. after seeing that ornament, i remembered i'd also gotten a christmas gift as well, last year. it was a fisher price laugh and learn home thingamajig. Jay told me i was being ridiculous when i bought it, but i just had to have it then because it was the perfect little baby gift and she'd be 9 months old around this time and i might not be able to find it again if i waited a year to get it. you couldn't tell me i was not getting my baby girl this little play house. now, instead of being the perfect gift, it's just another painful reminder of what we lost.

i had to have been in bed crying with the pillows over my head for at least an hour when suddenly i felt this hand on my back. because i had my earbuds in listening to music, i didn't know what the fuck it was so i jumped up and fell off the bed, busting my ass yet again and there's Jay. i was very happy and mad and sad and confused all at the same. i peed my pants a little, too. he scared the bejeezus out of me.

Jay is officially the sweetest man in the world. he flew home just to be with me on my birthday and help with christmas decorations. and he'd tried to get a flight out sooner but he missed it due to an emergency meeting with his co-workers. i felt really bad for yelling and cussing at him because he'd planned to fly home for the weekend the whole time but didn't tell me because he wanted it to be a surprise. he's a stinker. and i was really glad he got there when he did because i needed someone to hold me and share my pain, and he's the only one who can do both.

so, i got to spend the rest of saturday and all of today with him before he had to leave me again. we never really got around to decorating though. but that's a good thing. *wink* oh, he bought me flamin hot cheetos, a mountain dew, and this cute silver bangle bracelet with a heart and little diamonds in it. i think i'll actually wear this particular piece of jewelry. it's not that expensive. expensive jewelry scares me. i'm afraid i'll either lose it or break it, so i don't wear it. except my ring. but only because i get to flaunt it in bitches' faces. i'm catty like that.

i was a little sad when i took him to the airport tonight, but i feel a lot better about him leaving this time around since he'll be back in less than 24 hours.

this i can deal with.

planet earth is on!!

Labels: my love, so random, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:20 PM | |