even if you don't, just pretend.

Jay and i are trying to get pregnant. i've been off the pill for some time now, but we've got nothing.
last week....wait. no, the week before i was supposed to get my period, but i didn't. i still had the bloated, crampy feeling as if i was, but no riding of the crimson wave. last week, mid-copulation, i took a pregnancy test.

plus sign equals pregnant.
deliriously excited couple? check.

so, the next day, i made a doctor's appointment [for tomorrow!] just to confirm things and get started on all the prenatal business.

since then, i've been all nervous and anxious and excited and scared and everything in between. just too many emotions for one person, i swear!

then, late last night/early this morning, i got my period. at first, i thought i was spotting, which isn't good; but i'm definitely on my period. definitely not good.

so, i took another pregnancy test this afternoon and it's negative.

i don't know why, but the first test seemed too good to be true so i'd been preparing myself to hear that i'm not pregnant from the doctor. and the past few days i've kinda been like 'i don't FEEL pregnant'(?). i don't know how to describe it; i've just felt that something's not quite right [within myself].

i just took ANOTHER pregnancy test and it's ANOTHER negative. so, i've got 1 positive and 2 negatives. i'm gonna go with the majority and say that i'm not pregnant. at least not yet.

it's weird, i feel like i should be more upset about it than i am. then again, i haven't told Jay yet, so that very well may change. i REALLY don't wanna have to be the bearer of bad news but it would be very cruel for me to not tell him and be all excited about the appointment tomorrow only to have the doctor tell him i'm not pregnant when i knew all along.

uuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!! this is too much for one person to have to deal with!!!

Labels: baby business, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:18 PM | |