this weekend, Jay and i went to visit the parents. [notice how i didn't say 'we went home for the weekend'?] the point was to tell our families that we got married & maybe try to start mending some deeply wounded relationships.

well, let's just say that Jay's folks are 2-for-2 at ruining happy occasions for us.

even though i had issues with his dad and later his mom, i was always an advocate for Jay continuing his relationship with the both of them; i wanted my dealings [or lack thereof] with them to be separate from his, and i constantly pushed for him to re-establish the connection he had with them before the big falling out. now, i don't even think they're worth the effort. they've been so fucking selfish throughout this whole thing. if they stopped for one second to think about how their words & actions have affected him, THEIR SON, they'd be ashamed to call themselves parents.

for the longest time, i questioned what i did wrong to deserve the kind of treatment i've gotten from those people. that trip made me realize it's not me. i'm not perfect by any means, but i've been a pretty damn good friend, girlfriend, fiance, & now wife to Jay flaws-and-all. if they can't see that by now, there's no hope for them. it's extremely frustrating & unfortunate because they're family, but i'm no longer going to put any thought or effort into being a part of those people's lives when it's perfectly clear i'm not wanted. and i'm not going to try and force Jay to make amends with people who are only going to fight him the whole way. i'm done. MOTHERFUCKIN DONE! [i'm screamed that last part in my head as i was typing it, so you should go back & read it that way. =)]

in other news, i'm enjoying newlyweddedness waaayyyy more than i probably should be. i've turned into such a sap. & i smile so much my face hurts. i'm pretty sure this a temporary thing, but i find myself not being able to stay mad at Jay for more than 30 seconds. everytime he does something to piss me off, i'm just like 'awwww, he's my husband now!' in my little country bumpkin voice. & we're definitely humping like rabbits again.

we're in the process of uploading wedding/honeymoon pics. it's taking longer than expected & probably my fault. i think when i snatched the memory card out of the camera i may have damaged it because as we're uploading pics, some of them are listed as corrupt files but when we view them in the one of our other cameras, they're fine.

& there are soooooo many things about the entire trip to write about. i could make a whole other blog on that alone. not that i will. just sayin. i should point out the fact that i had absolutely nothing to do with the entire thing. seriously. Jay, a MAN, planned the whole thing. it would've been a complete surprise if it weren't for the whole getting a visa thing. he kinda needed me for that. but yeah, the whole getting married in brasil was all his idea. i'd kinda gotten comfy with the idea of us just being together as we were-- getting married wasn't really high on my 'to do' list.

since we've been back, we've only been at our house 2 days so things are still quite hectic. we haven't unpacked; too many emails & phone calls to return; Jay goes back to work tomorrow; i'm meeting with someone about possibly starting a business together; planning another wedding; more grad school interviews for Jay [for those who care, he's been accepted to 3 schools so far. although, he's still not sure if or where he's gonna go.]; just lots of organized chaos.

i think by the middle or end this week things will have settled down a bit & i'll get to post pics & write about the most amazing 3 weeks of my life.


go hug a homeless person.

Labels: my love, this is who i am

--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:13 AM | |