my baby smiled at me for the first time this morning! oh, it was the sweetest thing. i had just got done with the dishes that someone else was supposed to do last night, so i was a bit pissed. then, i went upstairs and there was my little angel with her daddy sucking on her little thumb. such cuteness. Jay handed her over to me and she looked straight at me and gave me this huge, all-gums smile. my heart just melted and i cried for like ten minutes. milestones and hormones.

my new workout plan is no longer in effect. no real reason, i just like hanging out with my baby a lot more than i like running and sweating. and i may or may not have a hint of separation anxiety going on. yesterday, i was supposed to go get a mani and a pedi, but that never happened. as i was getting in the car, i was flooded with these crazy thoughts of what could go wrong while i was gone, and i missed my littleface so much in the few seconds i was away from her. so, yeah, i'm not ready for that shit. however, i told Jay i was afraid she'd get hungry before i got back since she only nursed like 30 minutes prior to me *attempting* to leave. he just looked at me and laughed "yeah right." oh well.

we were supposed to put up some halloween decorations and carve pumpkins but we spend so much time with Ava that time just sorta flew by and we forgot all about it. it's not like she knows what the hell halloween is anyway. i do know that i will be buying a shitload of candy on saturday though. oh yes, there will be candy.

Labels: littleface, my love, so random

--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:19 PM | |

dude, i'm pooped.
literally and figuratively.

i had to have a serious talk with my littleface about pooping on mommy, this morning. the long stretch and yawn she gave me pretty much let me know that this would not be our last time having the no-pooping-on-mommy conversation.

today is gonna be the first day the little bug and i spend alone together. Jay's been gone since 7am tailgating with some of his buddies and probably won't be home until late tonight. i'm a little nervous because he's always there when Ava gets a little out of hand or i need a moment just to take a shower or get something to eat. luckily, my sister-in-law isn't far away and willl come by some time later today after she's done with classes. it's funny because when Ava was first born, Jess was so afraid to hold her. she was like 'oh my god, i'm gonna break her!' now, she just loves spending time with Ava and i can't keep her away. today, i'm gonna let her get all the Ava-time she wants because i have got to get some sleep.

last night, i got a little crazy trying to get all prepared for Jay being gone all day with cleaning, prepping food, and getting out everything i would need for Ava. then, i found that we had like 2 boxes of diapers and some clothes littleface could no longer wear so i packed all that up with a few other things for Jay to drop off at the women's shelter on his way out this morning. by the time i finished, it was 2am and Ava was up and ready to be nursed again. usually, if she wakes up late at night/early in the morning, she goes back to sleep almost immediately, but this time she was like, 'nope. i'm just gonna suck on my thumb and stare at you and keep you up with my cuteness for 2 more hours. i should've made Jay get his ass up so i could sleep, but she's just so stinkin cute and i just love those little moments with her. it was almost 5 when i finally got to lay my head down on the pillow and before i knew it, it was 6:30 and Jay was up making all kinds of damn noises. and being the selfish jerkoff he is, he woke up Ava so he could get a minute of playtime before he left. CURSES! so, of course, i had to nurse her and get bathtime out of the way while she was still in a good mood. we're making some serious progress with bathtime. instead of screaming bloody murder the entire time, she cried for only a couple of minutes. after putting her snuggly winnie the pooh jammies on, she was out again. that was around 8ish. i should be sleeping while she's asleep but Jay WON'T STOP CALLING ME every half hour. every time i put my head down, my phone goes to buzzing. who is it? him.

"the fuck do you want?"
"hey babe. i was just calling to see what you and Ava were doing."
"the same goddamn thing we were doing when you left."
"well, FUCK YOU!"
"i don't even LIKE YOU!"

we're so in love.

so, it's almost 11 and i'm sure my little bug will waking up soon.

Jess, where are you?

Labels: littleface, my love, so random, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:50 AM | |

i started working out again on monday with the help of my hubby. yeah.... i discovered that i really don't like him trying to help me work out. he yells and i don't like being yelled at so i may or may not have cried and kicked him in the knee. i think i'm gonna have to go back to the gym cause i cannot focus working out at home with my little sweetpea nearby. she's just so cute and cuddly and i love her little face. anyhoos, so the way i have it planned out kinda flows with Ava's feeding and napping schedule. she's up around 5 or 6am, so after nursing and changing her and some cuddle time, i hand her off to daddy and run 5 miles. right now, i'm hitting it around 34-35 minutes, and i need to be just under 30 to be at me pre-pregnancy time. then, around noon i spend an hour a half on my abs and legs and another hour and a half lifting. i'm trying to cut out all the junk food, but i did indulge a little in some cookie dough last night. after 4 days, i'm already seeing some significant change in my belly area, and i can fit in most of my pre-pregnancy jeans now. so here's to hoping i can keep this shit up another 3 weeks.

tuesday, i got my giney checked and i'm happy to report that i have resumed having sexy times with my hubby. oh, it's so wonderful. ;-)

my little pumkin is now one month old and i can't believe it. i've been pooped on, peed on, spit up on, smacked, scratched and i love every bit of it. Jay and i got really lucky cause she's not much of a crier- only when she's hungry or sleepy and of course during bathtime. otherwise, she's pretty content with all the cuddle time she gets from mommy and daddy.

she was so good at the doctor's yesterday, she was like a completely different baby from 2 weeks ago. i guess i did all that worrying for nothing. she's now up to 9lbs and she's grown almost 2 whole inches since she was born. after getting all the basics out of the way, i had to hide behind daddy and let him handle the littleface while she got her hepB shot. needles and i are not cool like that. she cried for only a few seconds and was totally fine after some kisses from mommy. i'm sure it won't be that easy when she gets 5 different shots next month.

after the leaving the doctor's, we stopped by Jay's work so that everyone who hasn't already came to visit could get a look at the little one [and so Jay could check in on the guy who's taken over all of his duties while he's on leave]. i was so glad Ava was hungry and all kinds of cranky at that time cause i didn't want all those nasty bitches touching my baby; i don't know where their nasty hands have been. the general consensus is that "she's so precious" and looks like her daddy. psh. at first, i thought it was cute that she looks like him, but now i kinda feel a little cheated. he didn't do any real work in all of this baby-construction. why does she have to look like him? ugh.

i just made the decision that we're gonna get a housekeeper. i can't maintain this house, cook at least twice a day, and be with my husband and baby. maybe if there were more hours in the day and i had a couple of extra arms and legs but here it is 24 hours in a day and i've got 2 arms, 2 legs, and 2 engorged titties. i have got to wake this kid up before my titties explode.

Labels: littleface, my love

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:38 PM | |

my niece spent the weekend with us. from the moment she walked through that front door, i had to remind myself that she's only 7 and i couldn't choke her out for that little fucked mouth of hers. i remember when my nephew was first born the issues she had because she was no longer the "baby" and all the attention wasn't completely on her, but she eventually got over it. she wasn't all that excited when i was pregnant with Z, but obviously we never got to see exactly how she would've handled another baby in the family. now that she's a big girl and not as selfish, i thought she was cool with new baby business; that's what she said! little liar. she does not like Ava one bit.

when she got here friday afternoon, she was clearly annoyed that i was so attentive to littleface instead of her so she was walking around pouting and whatnot. i was like 'this little bitch has one more goddamn time to roll her eyes at me and my baby....' Jay wanted her to feel included so he asked her if she wanted to hold Ava and take pictures. that little stank wench rolled her eyes and said "don't nobody wanna hold that baby. she ugly anyway."

she's pissed me off many times with her smart ass mouth but i never really wanted to fight a kid as much as i wanted to fight her when she said that shit. so, i made her get her bags and i kicked her out of the house. it was only for a couple of minutes but i got even, dammit. but basically the whole weekend was nothing but stank attitude from that girl. i don't care; she'll have to get over it sooner or later. thank goodness she AND my mom went on about their merry little ways today. now it's just me, papa bear, and littleface. whaaaaaat?

my sweetface little angel is getting so big. she nurses so well, i wouldn't be surprised if she's hit the ten-pound mark when she gets her checkup. she seems to be enjoy tummy time now. she was a bit fussy at first but not so much now as long as she has mommy or daddy in her view.
and she's now trying to hold her head up. it kinda freaks me out because it is beginning. she's growing and growing and will be becoming more self-reliant. she'll only be a month old in just a few days, so i know that sounds pretty melodramatic, but i hate thinking about her getting older and not needing me as much anymore. i wish she could stay my cute little baby muffin with those fat, yummy little legs forever.

she really loves music, especially old R&B music. when she gets really fussy at night, we put on some Al Green for her [and for mommy & daddy ;)] and she falls asleep within ten minutes. and she gets all wiggly whenever her daddy plays his guitar while holding her. it's so stinkin cute.
since her cord fell off, she got her first real bath this morning. before, we would sit her in her little tub and have the soap and water set to the side and she'd cry her little heart out. now we actually have water in the tub. what a mess. i don't know what worse, the water that got splashed everywhere because she fought me so hard, her pooping in the water, or her peeing on me the very second i got her out of the tub. there was a positive side though. it didn't take me nearly as long to get her to calm down as before. little steps, people.

tomorrow, i'm gonna begin my new workout workout plan in hopes of getting rid the rest of this pregnancy weight. so far, i've lost 11 lbs just doing nothing so i guess breastfeeding really does help with the weight loss. since i can't go on a restrictive diet this time, i figured i'd use the time when Ava naps to get in a total of 4 hours of intense exercise every day. in theory, it works but i'm not really sure how long i'll be able to stick with it. i hate to leave my littleface. even if it's just for a few short minutes, i'll to start to get this feeling of emptiness and miss her like crazy and she's just in the next room! ugh. i hate looking fat and nasty so i'm gonna have to suck it up and get to gettin', especially if i plan to lose 15 lbs in the next 4 weeks WITHOUT DIETING!

i must be crazy.

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:44 PM | |

am i the only one beyond ready for this presidential election to be over and done with? i'm pretty sure a majority of voters know who they're gonna vote for. hell they've known since the candidates accepted their party's nomination. none of this fuckery they're feeding the public matters. sit down and shut the fuck up. seriously, just shut. the fuck. up.

i'm just now getting around to watching the season premieres of ER and CSI. oh my gawd. i can't remember the last time a tv show has made me cry and it wasn't hormonal imbalance-related. i cried the entire episode of both shows. why can't we have great tv like this all the time? i'm so sick of "reality" tv shows just the thought of hearing about a new show gives me gas. unless whitney houston gets her own show, i don't give a fuck.

but enough about that.
littleface is still my amazing littleface. we're starting to get some distinction between hungry cries and cranky monster cries. she rarely cries when she needs a dry diaper though. we always know when we've got a poopy diaper, you can't hide that smell; but we have to constantly check for wetness because she just doesn't care. i think she likes being a dirty baby. usually once we've got her down for the night, one of us will get up and check her about 2 or 3 hours in and change her. last night, Jay and i were both so exhausted we didn't wake up until we heard her crying over 4 hoursafter we put her down and she was soaking wet. even her little jammies. i felt so bad because not only did we neglect the poor thing, but Jay had to clean her up and she HATES that. so we had a very angry Ava-Marie to deal with from around 2am until 5am. our babydoll has a pretty nice set of lungs on her.

i am dreading her doctor's appointment next week. i just don't wanna put her through that torture again. this time with needles! lizsdhflahds!

i have an appointment with the giney doctor next week. i won't even complain about getting violated with a speculum as long as he says i can have sex again. *clitoral stimulation* just ain't gettin it. i need some dick in my life. ASAP.

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 9:43 PM | |

funny. i blog more now that i don't really have the time than when i had nothing but time.

so, it's friday. i made it another day! littleface had her 2 week checkup this past wednesday. i think it's safe to say she's gonna be one of those kids who absolutely dreads going to the doctor and will let everyone within a 25-mile radius know exactly that.

i don't know what the hell happened. she had a solid 5 hours of sleep before she woke up for her morning feeding. we even got her all cleaned up and dressed in the cutest little hello kitty outfit from her aunt jess [my sister-in-law] with no problems. she stayed awake the whole drive just staring and analyzing all the sights and sounds around her. [she was very reactive to daddy screaming at dumbfucks in front of us.] it was like, one of the best mornings we'd had since we brought her home from the hospital. she started to get a little sleepy while we were filling out forms and waiting to get called back, but Jay kept her awake with his silly faces and the squeaky bunny. i was expecting a visit from the cranky monster by this time, but she was totally fine. then, we finally got to the exam room. after introductions and talking about all things Ava, i started taking off her little boots and socks to get her ready for weighing. i swear, that little bottom lip quivered, i saw the earth split in two, and all of hell broke loose. this was not 'mommy i'm sleepy put the boob in my mouth and leave me alone' crying. i've never heard a child cry like that before. her little face was beet red, gigantic tears flowing, spastic kicking and arm flailing. she was pissed. and of course seeing her that upset made me upset, so there's baby crying, mommy crying while trying to strip the poor baby's clothes off, daddy starting to tear up, and the doctor just staring. Jay asked the doctor to give us a minute to get Ava calmed down. as soon as she stepped out, she was cured.

now, i'm thinking Ava knows something we don't know and i'm ready to get the fuck out of dodge. babies are all-knowing; they just can't talk. the gift is a curse. but Jay was being all....Jay and wouldn't go for it. so, a few minutes on the boob and Ava's good again. Jay goes to get the doctor. when littleface didn't start screaming bloody murder again, i thought we were in the clear. but i don't get paid to think cause i was wrong. very wrong. now, i don't know if it was because the evil doctor lady interrupted Ava while she was getting some boob juice or because Ava knows the evil doctor lady is an evil doctor lady, but something was not right and littleface was not happy. i couldn't stand watching her cry like that so i had to hand her over to daddy so he and the doctor could get Ava through that shit as quick as possible.

the crazy thing is, this was just a general checkup- measurements and physical examination. no shots. we get to that in another 2 weeks. i hope like hell our next visit is nothing like the first one. just seeing her cry and cry and not be able to do anything to make it better just knocked the wind out of me.

somehow, we managed to get through it though. once we made it home, i thought, once again, we were in the clear. while she cried nothing like she had that doctor's, Ava was a grumpy little thing for the rest of the day and all of yesterday. if it weren't for my mom and SIL being around to help, Jay and i would've totally crashed and burned.

i think she's gotten it all out of her system now. we got her down around 7 last night. she woke up at 11 for a clean diaper and another feeding. daddy burped her, put on some music, and rocked her to sleep; she was out from midnight until almost 6am this morning. around 3am, i got up to change her. she looked so sweet and adorable and i wanted to wake her up so badly, but given the past couple of days we'd had, it wasn't that hard to stop myself. today has been really great though. it looks like we're back to our regularly scheduled program and littleface is back to being the sweet, yummy darling she is. it's around bedtime for her, but tonight Jay wants to try and see how long we can keep her awake in hopes of getting her to sleep longer through the night. *eyeroll*[i don't think we're there yet.] we'll see. i just know that if this shit backfires, he's the one who's gonna be dealing with the cranky monster, not me.

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:23 PM | |

i know all mommies say this, but i have the most beautiful baby EVER. she's just the sweetest thing and i cannot get enough of her. all the little faces she makes, those fat legs and little toes, and those little hands that i don't have to cover up anymore since i FINALLY cut her nails. i'm in love with every inch of her. and she's growing so much already!

boob juice. it does a body good.

you know what? my evil mother is trying to steal my baby away from me! okay, well, not really but she kinda is. she thinks we should be letting Ava sleep in her crib in the nursery now, but Jay and i don't want her to. so, every time we fall asleep while Ava's asleep, my mom will steal her and take her to the nursery and turn the monitor on. not cool, lady. not cool. but of course, just as she thinks i'm sound asleep, 5 seconds later i'm scooping the littleface out of the crib and bringing her back to our room. and it doesn't matter how many times we tell her to stop doing it, she's just gonna keep on until i smack her over the head with a skillet. i'm supposed to deal with this bitch for another month? oh, hell no.

i'm nowhere near ready for her to be in the nursery; it just seems so far away. when she cries, i want her to know mommy and daddy are right there when she needs us. nothing wrong with wanting your child to feel safe and secure, right? i'm not crazy, just crazy in love with my sweetface angel. and have i mentioned what an AMAZING dad Jay is. it makes my heart melt. even that stupid face he makes when he has to change a poopy diaper is too much cuteness.

now, about this whole 4 to 6 weeks of no sex thing. yeah....i don't think that's gonna work. my stitches are gone, i'm hardly bleeding anymore, and my husband is dead sexy even when he smells like baby puke.

poop and puke. yep. that's my life now.

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:44 PM | |

oh my gawd, people. i'm a momma now! and Jay's a daddy now!
crazy crazy craziness.
we've got tons of family and friends STILL visiting so i've not had time to post. like, i can take a nap for 2 hours and there will have been 4 or 5 people over to visit during that time. that, and Jay has been threatening bodily harm if i put "[his] baby's pictures" on the internet. nevermind the fact that I made her. he didn't even like that i put the few little nursery pictures up. weirdo.

so, if this disappears, you know why...



look at that little face! so much cuteness in such a tiny package. i can't even stand it! oh, she's asleep but she's totally taking a shit in that picture.

Jay's overprotectiveness is already starting to show. i thought i would be the one going apeshit when people touched or held her but nope. it's him. asking people did they wash their ands, sniffing for perfume and smoke and any smell he finds offensive, and just flat out telling people he doesn't want them touching or holding her.

my favorite is watching him rock her to sleep. oh, she looks so peaceful when he's holding her. and the way she looks up at him when he's talking to her. i just love watching those two together. my hubby and my baby.

i can't stop looking at her! i swear the first couple of days we stayed in bed with her in between us just watching her sleep.

so far, she's been the perfect little angel except when it's bathtime. she HATES her little bathtub. HATES IT! that little bottom lip starts to quiver and i know it's over. she screams like someone's trying to kill her. then, her daddy takes her away to dry her off and you can hear a little sigh of relief. and then she poops. usually on her daddy, but she's got me a couple of times too.

to whomever invented the diaper genie: i heart you. babies shit a lot.

breastfeeding. i swear i thought i was gonna die the first few days. that shit hurt like hell. i was convinced my boobs were just gonna fall off. now, we're good and we've got a nice little feeding routine going on here. i like routines. hopefully, Ava will stick with it too.

i had it in my head that once she was a month old we'd do bottles during the day and put her on the boob at night. that's not going down. i just can't do it. that's essential mommy and Ava time that i'm not giving up for anyone. i just gotta get rid of all those damn bottles now.

for the first 4 days, her sleeping was very erratic but now she's pretty consistent. nap for two hours, look at all the weird people talking to her, suck on some boob juice, poop on daddy, nap for another 2 hours. repeat. she's down by 7pm, wake up screaming at 11, then another feeding around 3am, and we're good until about 8am. sometimes i'm a bad momma and i wake her up because i wanna see that little face and love on her and kiss on her little toes. she definitely lets me know she does not appreciate me waking her up. she's just too much cuteness though.

i can't stand to be away from her for more than 5 seconds and i know Jay and i hold her waaaay more than we should, cause that's all i hear from my mom and every other older adult who's around, but i don't give a fuck. i made her and i do what i want. mmkay?

oh, the cuteness is calling me.
xoxoxo

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:20 PM | |