little muffin,

you turned 2 months old this past saturday and today was your well-baby checkup. it did not go very well. not at all. i don't think you like your pediatrician. and, to be honest, i don't really like her either. she probably thinks i'm a big, fat liar because the description i give of you and your temperament is the total opposite of the way you behaved. you cried for nearly 2 hours, like you were being tortured and i don't know why. it's one thing when you cry because you're hungry, sleepy, or you have a wet diaper; that's easy to fix. it's a whole other bunch of bananas when you're crying inconsolably and i don't know why or how to fix it. and this is BEFORE a needle ever came in contact with your fat thigh.

here's my heart.
here's a hammer.
bang bang bang.
squish squish squish.

you are such a chunky baby. you're up to 12.5 pounds and almost 24 inches long. almost double your birth weight and nearly triple your birth length. i know it's selfish, but i'd really like for you to stop growing and stay my littleface forever. you're hitting all these milestones at once and there's no tivo for baby milestones. you smile all the time which just makes my heart melt. you definitely know mommy and daddy's voices and faces now. in fact, you're becoming very fickle with whom you spend your cuddle time with. today is a daddy day. the only reason i'm not totally offended is because i'm exhausted and daddy took the day off from work to be with you while i catch up on some sleep. right now, you two are in bed beside me. you're laying on your daddy's chest, staring into his eyes, holding his nose, and making your sweet baby sounds while he rubs your little head and sore leg and tell you how precious you are. i'm not crying; i have something in my eyes.

a couple of weeks ago, you started holding your head up, and now you're trying to push up when you're on your tummy. seriously, ava-marie taylor, mommy really needs you to stop growing so damn fast! you love music very, very much. you get very squirmy and smiley whenever there's music on and i think it's one of too many cute things about you. i didn't think it was possible, but i found something very uncute about you: you like to stink. you NEVER cry when you have a poopy diaper. there are some nights when i'm too tired to function and because you sleep so well, i forget to wake up to check on you. when i do, you're soaking wet and you have pooped several times in your diaper. and those diapers? leak protection my ass. you don't know how many times we've moved your big crib into our bedroom because you've gotten poo all over the bassinet. everywhere, ava. everywhere.

you've gotten so much better with bathtime. your first baths were hellacious. i'm sure you'll see the tapes when you're older. now, you hardly cry at all. you still get water all over the place, but you're not fussy. i'll take messy over fussy any day. you're also sleeping a lot longer through the night. that can be a really good thing, but most of the time it's not. you see, you're a breastfed baby. momma can only go so long without nursing you. it hurts like hell when i don't feed your a certain amount of time. and this is actually me not being selfish, i literally hurt from my boobs being so engorged. 4 hours is pushing it. anything past that and i'm waking your little ass up for some relief.

we are fast approaching your very first holidays. thanksgiving is this week so we have a lot of family coming to visit. you get to see your aunt Jess almost every day so she won't be much of a surprise. grandma V will be coming tomorrow and staying a whole week. she's that lady that always smells like vanilla and kept trying to steal you away from me the last time she was here. she's doing all the cooking, so you don't have to worry about getting swooped away. but do you think you can get her mac n cheese recipe for mommy? you won't get to experience it just yet, but she makes the best german chocolate cake EVER. grandpa J and grandma M and the rest of your aunts, uncles, and 2 very mischievous cousins will be coming the night before and the day of turkey day.

you have recently discovered you ears. when i first noticed you sticking your thumbs in your ears, i was so scared you had an ear infection and i watched you like a hawk stalking its prey for 2 days straight. but you never got a fever and you didn't fuss any more than usual; you just like sticking your wet thumb in your ear. which reminds me, i would really like for you to stop sucking your thumb. i know this is something you did while you were still in mommy's belly and i thought it was the cutest thing, but it kinda bothers me that you self-soothe by sucking your thumb. for one, i don't want it to become a nasty little habit that i have to break later on. and two, i don't want it to interfere with nursing you. although, judging by how well you nurse and how big you are, the second reason doesn't bear much weight. just stop sucking your thumb, okay? kay.

my sweet little girl, you are truly something special. i know i tell you that every day, but it's true! words cannot express how much i love you. waking up to your angelic, smiling little face is only one of many joys you bring to my life. i know i can be a little smothering with all the hugs and kisses-- i probably gave you your first hickey-- but it's only because i love you and your cutesy fatness. you're growing so fast already! it makes me so happy and so sad all at the same time. soon, you'll be crawling and walking and causing all kinds of hell and i don't feel like i'll ever be ready for that. you'll understand exactly what i mean when you're older, a LOT older, and start having kids of your own. for now, could you just slow it a down a little? there's so much of you to enjoy and only so many hours in a day. momma needs time to marinate in all of your baby-ness.

love you always,

momma

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:08 PM | |

oh, how time flies.

first, my little muffin's first shopping trip. she was such a little angel. everyone was so amazed, as i was i, at how chill she was, not even 2 months old yet, all swaddled up while i did some serious shopping. i had Jay on standby just in case something was to go awry. but my littleface was perfect. there were so many people who wanted to pinch her cheeks, but i'm not ready for that yet. i bought a LOT of stuff. fall and winter are my favorite seasons, so i bought tons of new clothes for myself and littleface. i bought Jay a new winter coat and some other things. i got most of my christmas shopping done for my niece and nephew. i'm kinda stuck on what to get Ava. clothes are a given, but when it comes to toys, i have no clue since she's still so little. she already has lots of musical toys and i have some baby einstein stuff, but that's where it ends. any suggestions?

while we were in the mall, i thought about getting Ava's ears pierced, but i decided not to. for one, her daddy would kill me. and two, i could not handle seeing her cry. but she would be even cuter with little diamond studs in her ears.

and then there were the interviews. not really as interesting as i'd anticipated. pretty boring, in fact.
-the first person was like half an hour late, but she called so she had a +1 in my book, but then she showed up looking like a $2 whore.

no bueno.
NEXT!

-really nice, older lady but she was fidgety. that shit is suspect.

-super sweet, middle-aged mexican-american, with great references, makes homemade empanadas, and she smelled like lavender.

girl, you trying to make me adopt you.

-then we had 2 days worth of no shows. boo, whore.

-lastly, middle-aged black lady with really pretty hair and fell madly in love with my husband and my baby.

hmmm, references are decent. daughter goes to Jay's and my alma mater. offered to start the same day. but i'm really not a fan of bitches flirting with my husband. did you say 'homemade mac n cheese'? sheeeeiiiitttt.

damn, i thought the mexican lady had it fa sho!

so, we went with Josie, the mexican lady because i have a sweet tooth. no, seriously, we picked her because she worked her families for a really long time [5 years minimum] and they all had great things to say about her. the older black lady would've gotten it, but she wasn't sure about her days of availability because her dad is sick and has been in and out the hospital for the past few months.

Josie started today and let me tell you, this bitch can clean like it's nobody's business! when she first got here, she was stuck at the end of our driveway for like 10 minutes because there was a deer that just wouldn't move [that happens almost every morning around here]. she came in with a smile on her face, ready to work. she seemed so surprised that i had breakfast ready and offered her some and that i wanted to help her clean. she was like "no, you sit with your little one. i'll do the cleaning!" i was very apprehensive about letting someone else clean for me, for many reasons, but after only a few hours, i know this one's a keeper. or at least i hope.

my hubby begrudgingly went back to work today. i'm guessing he's extremely busy since he hasn't called or texted me a single time since leaving this morning. i miss his stinkin ass. i love all the extra alone time i'm getting with littleface but fuck! he's my go-to guy. i've had moments with Ava where nothing i do seems right for her and he's there to tell me i'm a great mom and keep me from losing my shit. i need that in my life. and i just love to watch him hold her and play with her and get all those little smiles and big grins. it makes my heart melt and i don't really like all their time together getting cut. i think she's starting to notice he's gone too.

*sad face*

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:06 PM | |

Jay and i are interviewing [crazy] people for a part-time, possibly full-time housekeeping job. ugh.

oh, there will be stories to tell.

but first, littleface and i are gonna go attempt to do some christmas shopping. i say *attempt* because this will be the first time i'm taking her out a) by myself, b) in her swaddle-like carrier that looks so uncomfortable for her, and c) in public places where who knows what the fuck will happen.

oh my.

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:53 AM | |

not much going on here. getting lots of mommy, daddy, and ava time in before daddy has to go back to work.

tuesday night, along with the rest of the country, we hung out with some close friends and watched with anticipation as the election votes came in. to quote the next first lady, "for the first time in my adult life, i am proud of my country." i have never felt so optimistic about the future of america as i do now.

while i wasn't around to hear Dr. King's epic "Insufficient Funds" speech, better known as "I Have a Dream", in person, it's the only one i'd ever heard that moved me to tears every. single. time i've listened to it. [i encourage anyone who stumbles across this page to listen to that phenomenal man and his words in its entirety.] barack obama has delivered many great speeches over the course of his campaign, but it was his acceptance speech tuesday night that filled me with a great sense of pride, joy, and achievement for my fellow americans, and actually moved me tears. specifically, this piece:

"To those -- to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

That's the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that We Shall Overcome. Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can."

yes, we can.



here's my sweet little baby face sleeping with her little butt in the air while we all watched as the results come in. look at my fatty littleface. oh, those cheeks! and those legs! i just wanna eat 'em up! okay, let me stop. just a few minutes after taking this picture, barack leaped past the 270 mark. i screamed, ava screamed, we all screamed for BARACK O-FUCKING-BAMA! well, ava screamed because mommy scared her half to death. my bad, dollface.

so yeah, i'm just all kinds of happy right now. although i'm not really looking forward to my hubby going back to work in less than 2 weeks.

Labels: littleface, my president is black

--i refused to spellcheck @ 2:44 PM | |

this is my first attempt at blogging while nursing. i'm pretty sure it took me a solid minute to type that one sentence. i have cutest the little baby; it's just too much.

i've got the sniffles and i can feel my body starting to shut down so i predict Ava will be getting her first cold very soon. i'm just like 'awww, i don't want her to get sick.' she's gonna be so miserable and i'm not looking forward to having a sick, unhappy baby. for now, she's blissfully unaware of what's to come and i'm hoping the gallon of orange juice i've consumed over the past 2 days will keep the nasties away.

i've been trying to do this healthy food diet, but with breastfeeding, i am ALWAYS hungry and i crave sugar like nobody's business. this morning, i was making a parfait for myself and got pissed because i'm so fucking sick of looking at and having to eat all these fucking fruits and vegetables and nonfat bullshit when i've got tons of candy leftover and wendy's is just minutes away. ugh.

oh, oh, oh! we had some of the cutest little trick-or-treaters come by our house. my favorite was the little fireman. when i opened the door, there were like 4 or 5 little kids maybe 4 or 5 years old. all of them were a little nervous so they kinda just stood there looking, but the little fireman was ready. he looked up at me with those gorgeous big brown eyes and goes "shricka shreet! you dot some cannies?" i said, "yeah". and he said, "can i have some, please?" and i began ovulating. too cute.

one our neighbors had a small party for their kids and invited us over, but i just wasn't feeling it. Ava's not even 6 weeks old yet and it's cold out and all of those little kids with their germs. not happening. our neighbors were really sweet and brought us some goodies though. i wanted to lick the icing off those cupcakes so badly, but Jay devoured them all before i could even sneak a bite. asshole.

i wanna go see Saw V. this is the first time i didn't see a Saw movie on it's opening night. i've stayed away from the reviews but i hope it lived up to the hype. i guess i'll just be waiting for the dvd to be released. but Saw VI, i'm there. hopefully.

oh my gawd, she just scratched my boob and it HURTS. i swear i just clipped those little fingernails a couple of days ago. ugh. they grow back so fast. i think we're gonna have to give those mittens another go.

it's taken me almost an hour just to type this. an HOUR. and she's still nursing. and i smell pizza.

Labels: littleface, so random, weekend stuff

--i refused to spellcheck @ 7:17 PM | |