my littleface,

today, you are 3 months old! i can hardly believe it! you've grown sooooo much since you were born that you're almost a different baby. and no worries, you won't have a check-up until next month so you won't be tortured by that evil doctor with her nasty needles on your special day.

ava-marie, you are truly your father's daughter. not only do you look just like him but you also have his temperament. you are the most mellow baby i've ever known. i can sit with you for hours just talking and you just smile and coo and melt my heart with all your cuteness. but sometimes, you're so calm and relaxed that it scares me, and i've had to scare you by making a sudden loud noise so you'll cry. mommy's not crazy she just needs to know you're all there.

your biggest milestones this past month were trying to pull up and stand up. daddy loves to let you grip his fingers to see how long you'll hang on if he lets you dangle a bit. i don't like that. when i smack him, it's not because i don't love him; i do it for your safety. you also like to grab fingers so you can stand up and be all wiggly. i'd really like for you to not do that. mommy's still not used to the idea of you getting older and more independent.

you had your first thanksgiving with all your aunts, uncles, your two bad cousins and grandparents. you will not remember it, but i promise you'll hear about it at every family gathering and it won't be a surprise. by the time you're old enough to understand what happened, you're just gonna shake your head and say 'yep, sounds like them.'

your first christmas is just days away and i can't tell you how excited i am for you. i know we went a little overboard with all the presents for you, but you gotta understand that this is mommy and daddy's first christmas as a mommy and daddy. indulge us, mmkay?

right now, you're getting over your first cold. i would greatly appreciate it if you never got sick ever again. that first week was hell week for mommy and daddy. you barely slept or ate and you cried more than i'd ever heard you cry since you were a tiny littleface. at one point, you cried until you couldn't cry anymore. you lifted your little head up, looked at daddy and let out a huge sigh and just whimpered. i felt so bad for you that i finished crying for you. then daddy went out and found some vapor baby bath and the nights got a LOT easier for us.

and since you're feeling so much better, we attempted to take christmas pictures this past saturday. epic fail, ava. epic fail. i'm starting to see a pattern when it comes to you dealing with "professionals". you just don't cooperate. and you looked so fucking cute in your little red dress and with the matching headband and the cutest black shoes. even when we got home you wouldn't have any picture time. why do you do this to me?

my sweetness, every day you bring more joy to my life. there are times i just look at you and cry because i'm so happy to have you here. like right now, you're sleeping so peacefully with your daddy and i can't help but smile and tear up a bit. i love you with every fiber of my being and nothing will ever change that. i do have one small request though. when i'm changing your poopy diaper, could you please not stick your hands in the poop and create an even bigger mess than what i began with?

lotsa hugs & kisses,

mommy

Labels: littleface

--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:28 AM | |

i'm starting to get a little lot bored with the routine life of being a stay-at-home mommy. don't get me wrong, i am grateful to be in a position where i can stay home while my husband is off testing the boundaries of how many people he can call 'an incompetent asshole' and throw chairs around before he gets fired and i love that i get to spend all this time with my littleface. there's just no variation or spontaneity to any of it. aside from the weeks that lits has been sick, i can pretty much tell you how my day is gonna go down hour by hour. i have no social life due to the fact that most of my friends don't have kids and/or aren't married and cannot relate to me or anything that's going on in my life right anymore AND i pretty much hate the idea of making new friends or joining any type of mommy social group or anything of the sort. so basically i spend any time that lits is asleep either sleeping or walking around the house talking to myself. and i know my SIL and josie, our housekeeper, think i'm fucking insane because they see me talking to myself or i talk their goddamn ears off.

i have got to get a life.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:43 PM | |

the past 3 weeks have been pretty hellacious around here. i don't have the energy to give a blow-by-blow account of everything, but it all started at thanksgiving dinner with my mother-in-law, who'd been sober for like 3 years, getting smashed, insulting my family and revealing that her husband has been having an affair and how she plans to fuck him in the divorce. oh yeah, a thanksgiving to remember. pre-ava, i think i'd probably still be pissed just because i'm really good at taking shit personal and holding grudges. but honestly, i could not give two shits about any of it. i just don't care about any of their bullshit anymore.

thanks to my nephew being sick and leaving his nasty little germs everywhere, i woke up the friday after thanksgiving feeling just awful. i was pumping myself with any and everything that had vitamin C in it. it didn't really work; it just gave me the squirts. and less than 24 hours later, littleface was sick. i felt like shit but i felt even worse for her. she's just been so stinkin miserable. she's cried more while sick than when she was a newborn and it just breaks my heart, especially when she coughs. i don't know what it is, but i feel like i'm gonna die every time i hear her cough. and then there was the torture of another visit to the pediatrician which was on my birthday. lovely. now, i have to torture her daily with this stupid saline solution and snot sucker upper bulb thingy. when she's done screaming bloody murder, she looks at me like 'what did i do to you to deserve this?!' ugh. then sometime last week, Jay got sick. so, now i'm taking care of two sick babies and my own sickly self. i've actually had our housekeeper come almost everyday to disinfect most of the house in hopes of us getting over this nasty cold sooner rather than later. one little snot-nosed 4 year old has taken out an entire family.

my littlebug is starting to feel a little better though. she's nursing a lot better and she's starting to sleep more, thank goodness. i could really use a glass a bottle of merlot right now.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 4:08 PM | |

-thanksgiving sucked.
-my birthday sucked.
-my husband, my baby, and i are sick.

this shit sucks.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 1:59 PM | |