my little snickerdoodle, you are 6 months old now. 18 lbs, 11 oz, and 28 inches of juicy goodness. this is the first time since you were born that we know your exact measurements. this is also the first time you didn't act a straight up fool during your checkup. the only time you cried was when you got your shots and no one can blame you for that; mommy hates needles too.

while some of my personality is definitely starting to show in you, you've definitely got your daddy's social skills. whenever we go out and you see people, you just smile and giggle and "talk" up a storm. it's one of many adorable things you do. we've been trying to teach you to wave but so far, you've only managed to get the raising your hand in the air part.

this past month, you've become very, very active. you are officially a roller which means i can never take my eye off of you ever again. you have tried to [and almost successfully!] roll off the changing table, mommy and daddy's bed, the sofas, the chaise, and pretty much any surface we've put you on. you haven't quite mastered the art of sitting up on your own, but you're almost there. thanks to your baby einstein activity center, you've gotten really good at standing against the table and have even tried to take some steps which has led to you taking a few bumps on the butt. when you're in your walker, you're hell on wheels. you only move backwards, but you still do a lot of damage, especially to my feet. i don't think it even occurs to you to try and move forward, because the minute i put you in the seat, you turn your little body around and off you go chasing the dog or whatever imaginary creature you're after.

you've still not really taken a liking to most of the baby foods, so we're still nursing 95% of the time. i am absolutely okay with this for two reasons: (1) i'm selfish and i'm not ready to give up breastfeeding yet and (2) feeding you those pureed baby foods is quite an event i'm not really conditioned for. pears and bananas everywhere, ava. EVERYWHERE. i don't like cleaning up the mess so daddy is pretty much responsible for those feedings. he's a big messy bear anyway so he loves it when you schlack food all over him. oh, there's a third reason, your poopy diapers become truly offensive after eating those foods. like, it's not even funny how bad you smell after eating that stuff. no, seriously, poop is generally funny until it smells that awful.

we had a few weeks of you bucking the system, but we finally got you back on a regular sleeping schedule IN YOUR CRIB! you actually made the decision a lot easier when your daddy and i woke up in the middle of the night to find you hanging over the edge the bassinet about to fall face-first onto the floor. so, yeah, buh-bye bassinet, hello pink chocolate crib. typically, you sleep from about 9pm until 7am. you wake up smiling and babbling just in time to see daddy off for work. once he's out the door, our day begins. you get all cleaned up and get your tummy full. depending on the day of the week, either you watch a baby einstein dvd while i work out, or aunt jess comes over to hang out with you while i go to dance class. i shower, you nap. then, we either go have lunch with daddy or you and i will have a girls' day out shopping, go for a walk in the neighborhood, or sit out in the front yard with some of the nice neighbors if the weather is nice. then, it's nap time for the both of us. another round of boob juice for you, then we play, play, play! by the time daddy gets home, you're pretty tired but you're just so happy to have him home that you fight those droopy eyelids for as long as possibly can. later, you and daddy make a mess of bathtime, then it's night-night you go.

today, i thought a lot about how fast these first 6 months have gone by and how much faster the next 6 will zoom by. as much as i love watching you grow, discover, and learn new things, it's also very difficult for me to let go and accepting that you're doing just that. maybe it'll get a little easier once you have a little brother or little sister for me to smother too. but i know it won't be soon before long that i wake up and you're a young woman who doesn't need her mommy as much and it truly breaks my heart. if i could press a button and keep you forever this age, i totally would. and i don't really care how demented that seems. just know that your mommy and daddy love you to itty bitty pieces no matter what.

xoxo
i love your fat jaws!

crazy mommy
--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:03 PM | |

• there is something so unpleasant about waking up with a dick in your asshole-- this is a very serious statement. i don't care how many green beers you had, you don't get to violate me like that. what the fuck is wrong with you, man?
  

• some days, i feel like i will forever smell like baby puke.

• i am really sick of cuntbags not giving me a goddamn courtesy wave when i let them merge. if i didn't have my baby in the back seat and wasn't one point away from a suspended license, i'd mangle those bitches.

• if my mother goes in my kitchen and try to rearrange my shit one more fucking time, that bitch is leaving this house on a gurney. i don't give a fuck where you keep your goddamn paprika. i have my reasons for placing things where they are. LEAVE MY STUFF ALONE!

• i fucking hate springtime.
  

• i am so unbelievably annoyed with my little brother for telling me he was coming to hang out with me and his niece that he barely knows only to spend the entire time he's been here hanging out with Jay and his friends. i am so not making that strawberry pineapple cheesecake now.
  

• bah.
  

--i refused to spellcheck @ 8:40 PM | |

i find that i'm a lot happier when i think happy thoughts. that's such a simple statement but it really is true. there are times when i really can't help but be just a little depressed, but i feel like i'm entitled to those feelings given the experiences i've lived through.

my two favoritest people in the world are in bed next to me all snuggled up together engaging in a very serious conversation. lots of 'aahhs' and 'eehhhs' and a squeal here and there. you'd think a california king size bed would be big enough for two adults and a baby, but really it's not. ava has stuff everywhere. her blankie. her two favorite stufties. her rattle and other noisemakers. burp cloths. nursing pillow. i'm pretty sure this is one of her socks i feel all bunched up in my ass. my baby does not like to wear socks. just like her mommy.

my neck and back have really been bothering me for the past couple of weeks [stress!] so Jay took it upon himself to schedule me an appointment with a chiropractor next week. the same day as bits' 6-month checkup. hmmph.

my mom, my little brother, and my niece are also coming to visit next week. it'll be nice to have real people to talk to while Jay's at work. our housekeeper is really concerned about my little habit of talking to myself, although a lot of the time i do it to hear her reaction. "oh, you should not do that, mimi. eet's crazy nonsense! the doctors, they put you in dees leetle white jacket with your arms wrapped around you sooo tight een a leedle room by yourself. you never want that! you never get out! you miss all su nina's years!"

my goodness, it's past midnight and ava is still awake wanting to play. way to go, Jay.

way to go.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:12 AM | |

we didn't forget, babygirl.
you're in our thoughts everyday.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:24 PM | |

• my little angel was a little monster last week. she has purified herself in the waters of lake minnetonka and is now my little angel again. seriously, purple rain heals the soul.
• i would really love 4-6 consecutive hours of sleep. just cause i really miss sleep.
• i fucking hate springtime. sure, the weather's nice and everything's all getting all pretty and colorful. well, fuck you springtime! i have allergies and i hate your pollen-spreading ass!
• i hate it when candles don't burn down evenly. i find ways to use the leftover clumps of wax, but i hate that i even have to do that.
• the more time i spend socializing with "the wives", the more i appreciate being the odd woman out. i feel really great knowing i will never really be a part of that circle.
• i cannot wait for the third season of mad men.
• Jay and i have been discussing have another baby. he's ready to go for it now. while i'm not opposed to the idea, my reason for wanting another baby is pretty absurd-- i love new babies. especially my own. and that's not really fair to littleface.

i am so demented.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 6:34 PM | |

letting ava sleep in her crib at night is not turning out so well. she actually did very well the first few nights, but she's been really fussy and cranky for the past week. so, it's just been a lot easier on all of us just to keep her in our room. i'm not sure if it's because she's teething, because she's growing and not nursing enough, or because she just wants to be held. it's really starting to get frustrating because i don't know if i'm doing something right or wrong when she's like this. my first instinct is to always pick her up and love on her because i think it's important for her to know that i'm there and i know she needs and wants me, but i don't want to reinforce the behavior either. she's spoiled enough as it is.

bleh.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 12:33 PM | |