i went to the doctor today to discuss how we're gonna treat this little mass on my spine that's giving me all kinds of hell. of the 4 options available, 2 didn't apply to me (chemo, radiation) and i sure has hell ain't lettin nobody cut near, around, or anywhere in the vicinity of my spine. so, i've started the cortisone injections again. *heavy sigh*

the needles, man. the needles.

and the motherfucker had the nerve to tell me to relax.

"do you see that big ass needle in your hand? fuck a relax. you're not the bitch getting a 50 inch needle stuck in their goddamn back 80 motherfucking times. hell, i'd rather get ass-raped. TWICE!"

"just take a deep breath....you're gonna feel a little pressure and before you know it, we'll be done."

"how the fuck would you know? a little pressure is somebody shaking your hand a little too firmly. you're putting goddamn puncture wounds in my BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

repeat 6x

so that was my morning. ahh, such bliss.

then, i came home and saw my littleface just a-bouncing in her little jumper, smearing her little cookies all over the place without a care in the world. everything that happened just minutes before i'd got didn't matter anymore. my little ava-bug. she is love love love. she's just too cute. when she saw me she was so excited and did her best to try to get to me. but then she realized she wasn't in her walker and couldn't go anywhere so she started fussing at me 'like, bitch you see i'm stuck! come and get me!' and she gave me the bestest nastiest, wettest, cookie crumbly kisses and put her cookie down my shirt. those are the moments i live for.

i really do enjoy being a stay-at-home-mom. there are times when i do kinda miss having more adult conversations and hanging out with my good friends. but honestly, hanging out with my little girl is a lot more fun. she's such an amazing little person and i get to literally watch her grow and learn new things everyday.

being a mom is an experience unlike any other. a year ago, this kid was like the size of a golf ball IN MY BELLY! pregnancy and giving birth are just extraordinary experiences. those ten little fingers and ten little toes? I BUILT 'EM! those luscious little lips? i did that too. yeah, her daddy sperminated me, but i did all the work.

there's nothing like cuddling with that little girl, looking into her eyes and knowing that she knows she's safe with her mommy.

I BUILT A BABY Y'ALL!


my goddamn back is still sore though.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 5:27 PM | |