my bellybutton itches. i don't know if that's because it's naturally all nasty and stank in there or because Jay jizzed in it and i've still got little soldiers trying to find the light. i've pretty much let him cum on every part of my body and the bellybutton has to be the most unpleasant location. for real, dude? ew.

tonight, i am going out with some frienemies for the first time in like a year. i spent almost four hours doing my hair and another two hours trying to decide what to wear. my husband has not spoken a single word to me since i finished getting ready twenty minutes ago, so i'm pretty sure i look fucking fabulous.

i will drink many, many alcoholic beverages, dance like white people, be a cocktease, and maybe even beat up a bitch or two. i wouldn't be surprised if i had the right to remain silent by the end of the night. i'm also gonna conveniently leave my phone in my purse which will be in the trunk of the car of whomever the designated driver is. i mean, i know i'm gonna call home like a bazillion times, i just don't want to be the one receiving the calls because Jay will make me feel guilty about going out and leaving my babyface at home even though he does it several nights a week and i don't even bother complaining about it. i don't care. i'm going out. i'm gonna drink. i'm gonna dance. i'm gonna make bitches hate me. i'm gonna be mimi, not mommy.

then, i'm going to taco bell.
--i refused to spellcheck @ 10:27 PM | |